I am 40 years old and my wife is 32. We've been together for 12 years and have two children. Lately, when I initiate sex, I get treated like a sex maniac. We only do it about twice a month and it’s driving me insane. What can I do?

Couples like you make up the bulk of my clientele. Sad but true. She’s probably exhausted and the two of you are not allowing enough time in your lives to chill out together and connect. So when you initiate sex, it doesn’t feel to her like it comes out of a sense of connection and slow build of desire and want, but feels more like an imposition out of the blue. Add to that the fact that you probably keep on initiating, and even when you don’t she still feels the pressure that you probably want to, so she pulls back even further. My first suggestion to you is to set aside one evening a week just for the two of you to hang out together and reconnect. Once the kids are bed just chill: no housework, no computers, no TV, just a glass of wine and thou. You need to give her the space to want you. Agree that you won’t pressure her for sex on the other nights, and honour that. Then on your chosen nooky night, make sure you slowly build her desire, first allowing her to relax, enjoy your company, actually want to make love to you, way before you even get to bedroom.

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