I enjoy it when my girlfriend goes down on me, but I rarely come. She has developed a bit of a complex about it. How can I get her to stop worrying about it and relax?

Too many people think that sex is all about orgasm, that sex is something you do to another person so that they have an orgasm. It’s not. Orgasm is a fantastic by-product of sex, not the point of sex. The point of sex is sharing pleasure. The focus for your girlfriend needs to be on the giving of pleasure rather than the giving of an orgasm. If she makes that shift she’ll realise that she is giving you pleasure and that’s fantastic. Funnily enough, by her chilling into the pleasure aspect and you not worrying about her worrying (that’s officially called Performance Anxiety Anxiety!) you’ll probably find that orgasms do come more easily – but don’t ever expect one, it’s the expectation that gets in the way.

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