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There’s a wise old saying about spiritual and personal growth: first there is the mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is the mountain again.
What this means is that you have normality, then that disappears while you grow and experience the opposite, and then it comes back again as you integrate the two. But it’s not the same reality, it might look the same but. the experience of it is quite different.
If we’re talking about sex and intimacy, and human sexual potential, then the process is the same.
At first we do standard sex, which generally means focusing on the physical, generally in our heads. You’ll have heard me describe this in various ways: the performance model of sex, the adolescent male masterbatory model of sex. This is level one sex, where you focus on the ‘peaks’ of sex, the ‘bigger-harder-faster’. Level one sex is about technique, sexual excitation and explosive orgasms. This is the mountain you start with.
Then you realise that this type of sex is not entirely satisfying, there has to be more. So you start to explore a deeper approach to sex. You may find that you are attracted to Tantra, with its mindful approach to love-making. You find yourselves slowing down, taking time to connect and to build eroticism. This is level two love-making. This is where you become aware of the ‘valleys’ of sex, where the sensual and subtle create feelings of ecstacy. This is where the mountain disappears, sex is not what it was.
Then the mountain reappears as you combine both the peaks and valleys of sex. But these are not the same peaks you knew before you discovered the valleys. These are peaks of sexual intensity that come with great presence and connection. You swing between the peaks of sexual intensity and the valleys of sexual bliss, in a flow of love-making that has no plan or expectation. This is stage three lovemaking, and it is truly awesome.