Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.
And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.
But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.
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It seems to me that too much porn is making men less masculine and it’s making women less feminine*.
To have the ecstatic sexual experiences all women are capable of requires a woman to be soft, receptive, yielding. She has to feel safe enough to be completely vulnerable and thereby open herself up utterly.
Is that what we see in porn? Uh … no.
Now don’t get me wrong, when I describe a highly sexual woman in this way, I don’t mean the only sex she likes is incredibly soft. It can also be wild and wanton and absolutely full of abandon.
In fact, when a woman gets to her ultimate sexually, she becomes wild and free and completely unconstrained. That can lead to frenzied, passionate, delirious responses or it can lead to utter stillness with ecstatic sensations infusing the body with delectable pleasure, or anywhere in between. The thing is that it’s a true and real expression of a woman who feels confident enough in herself and in her partner to be able to go there.
I see a lot of male clients who watch a lot of porn, and one thing that strikes me about these men is that they are not very masculine.
A man who is mature in his masculinity is: read more...
We’re talking extreme yang sex play here. Really unleashing the wild side and letting your most animalistic side take over. Rutting like wild cats. Biting, slapping, grasping hard, choking, seizing and pulling hair…
Rough sex takes an athlete’s devotion to physicality. You need strength, stamina, toughness, resilience. You have to be tough, both in the giving and receiving. You have to be physically robust to take rough sex. This robustness doesn’t have to be size, but the ability to flow with the activity, and the ability to absorb the energy of the activity and lose yourself in the pleasure of the passion. read more...
I was honored once to give the reading at a friends’ wedding. They’d chosen a reading they liked, but wanted it ‘sexed up a bit’ - and who better to ask? Like most wedding readings it was beautiful and poetic and spoke all about love and commitment and sharing and respecting - all good and important aspects of marriage - but nothing about sex and intimacy. As my friends rightly said: “It’s our sexual connection that brought us together and it’s what makes our relationship unique - so we want that celebrated in our wedding ceremony too!”
So, in the reading, I pointed out that a marriage (or any long-term relationship) is like a tripod. It has three legs: friends, partners and lovers. When all three are strong, you have a strong relationship, when they’re wobbly or missing, so is your relationship. read more...
I’m back from running another gorgeous Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains last weekend. I’m feeling all loved up myself from being surrounded by couples celebrating their love and honouring their sexuality as an expression of that love. It really is such a wonderful experience that I want to tell you all the good reasons to attend.
I was going to write this myself, and then I received this feedback from one couple who attended - and so I figured that rather than me waxing lyrical about it, it’d be much better for you to hear from the participants themselves! read more...
…the word that is, not the act. read more...
Sure, sometimes there are times when you want a quick wank, just as stress release or to rid yourself of a persistent urge. But for a man who wants to be a great lover, someone who is in tune with his sexuality and can make awesome love with his partner, what you really want is ‘solo cultivation’. read more...
There are many aspects to becoming sexually empowered, whatever your gender, and one of the key elements is pleasure. And the thing about pleasure, is that it's not a nice-to-have or reward-if-you’re-good. In fact, our bodies thrive on pleasure... read more...
My cousin died recently. She was only 33 and essentially drank herself to death. This is a modified version of the speech I gave at her funeral.
I do a lot of public speaking. My topic is usually around Love and Life, yet today I am speaking on the subject of Love and Death. read more...
to my LOVELIFE blog for weekly inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!
- Pushing Boundaries
- Seven Benefits of Attending A LoveLife Couples Tantra Retreat
- Good Rest=Good Sex
- We Need Bliss
- Receptive is not Passive
- So Much Love
- A High-Level Relationship is a High-Maintenance Relationship
- Sex as Spiritual Practice
- The Yin and Yang of Sex
- Third Level Love-Making
- Vive La Difference!
- Taking a Marriage Sabbatical
- The Basic Sexual Unit is One
- A Penis is for Connection, not Penetration
- Men Have Not Evolved to 'Sow Their Seed Widely'