The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people. 


Women Are Not 'Naturally' Monogomous

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, October 08, 2016



Let’s take a look at the widely held myth that women are not naturally promiscuous. 

First, a few biological facts:
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Sex Therapy & Couples Retreats- What to do if You have a Reluctant Partner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, September 24, 2016

 

So often people contact me to say that they want to come in for therapy and coaching sessions, or that they want to attend one of my workshops….but their partner doesn’t.

“How can I persuade him/her to come along?” they plead.

It’s a tricky one. You love your partner and you want to improve your sexual connection and through that your life together. You are willing to open up to in private sessions, or expose yourself to some degree in a group situation (not literally, my workshops are decidedly clothes on!), yet your partner is reluctant.

There are a number of reasons why your partner might be reluctant: read more...



The Chilled Build - Sympathetic Arousal vs Parasympathetic Arousal

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, September 17, 2016



Is your idea of libido “whoah hubba hubba here we go baby oh yeah bring it on!!!”?

Do you feel that the lead-up to sex has to be intense and passionate?

Are you struggling to achieve that fervent enthusiasm?

Have you tried to force the fire by watching porn, playing dress-ups or bringing out the sex toys - and it’s just made you feel worse?

And does that make it all seem too hard so you can’t be bothered?

Then throw away those ideas of needing to rev up for sex, and focus instead on the 'chilled build'read more...



Mums and Dads Need “Cuddle Time”

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, September 10, 2016



Happy loving parents make for happy loving children
, so it’s vital that as parents you make the time and space to be loving with each other.  A lot of people seem to feel it’s all too hard when you have children, so they have infrequent sex, if any at all.

It doesn't have to be that way though, not if you train your children to know that Mummy and Daddy need “Cuddle Time”.   read more...



Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, September 03, 2016



Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.

And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.

But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.
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Is Porn Making Women Less Feminine?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, August 27, 2016

 

It seems to me that too much porn is making men less masculine and it’s making women less feminine*.

To have the ecstatic sexual experiences all women are capable of requires a woman to be soft, receptive, yielding. She has to feel safe enough to be completely vulnerable and thereby open herself up utterly.

Is that what we see in porn? Uh … no.

Now don’t get me wrong, when I describe a highly sexual woman in this way, I don’t mean the only sex she likes is incredibly soft. It can also be wild and wanton and absolutely full of abandon.

In fact, when a woman gets to her ultimate sexually, she becomes wild and free and completely unconstrained. That can lead to frenzied, passionate, delirious responses or it can lead to utter stillness with ecstatic sensations infusing the body with delectable pleasure, or anywhere in between. The thing is that it’s a true and real expression of a woman who feels confident enough in herself and in her partner to be able to go there.
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Is Porn Making Men Less Masculine?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, August 20, 2016



I see a lot of male clients who watch a lot of porn, and one thing that strikes me about these men is that they are not very masculine.

A man who is mature in his masculinity is:
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Rough Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, August 12, 2016



We’re talking extreme yang sex play here. Really unleashing the wild side and letting your most animalistic side take over. Rutting like wild cats. Biting, slapping, grasping hard, choking, seizing and pulling hair…

Rough sex takes an athlete’s devotion to physicality. You need strength, stamina, toughness, resilience. You have to be tough, both in the giving and receiving. You have to be physically robust to take rough sex. This robustness doesn’t have to be size, but the ability to flow with the activity, and the ability to absorb the energy of the activity and lose yourself in the pleasure of the passion. read more...



The Three Pillars of Love

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, August 05, 2016



 I was honored once to give the reading at a friends’ wedding. They’d chosen a reading they liked, but wanted it ‘sexed up a bit’ - and who better to ask? Like most wedding readings it was beautiful and poetic and spoke all about love and commitment and sharing and respecting - all good and important aspects of marriage - but nothing about sex and intimacy. As my friends rightly said: “It’s our sexual connection that brought us together and it’s what makes our relationship unique - so we want that celebrated in our wedding ceremony too!”

So, in the reading, I pointed out that a marriage (or any long-term relationship) is like a tripod. It has three legs: friends, partners and lovers. When all three are strong, you have a strong relationship, when they’re wobbly or missing, so is your relationship.  read more...



Seven Benefits of Attending a Couples Retreat

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, July 30, 2016




I’m back from running another gorgeous Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains last weekend. I’m feeling all loved up myself from being surrounded by couples celebrating their love and honouring their sexuality as an expression of that love. It really is such a wonderful experience that I want to tell you all the good reasons to attend.

I was going to write this myself, and then I received this feedback from one couple who attended - and so I figured that rather than me waxing lyrical about it, it’d be much better for you to hear from the participants themselves! read more...



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