Being a sex geek, I am both trained as a scientist yet explore areas more likely to be considered mystical - particularly in the area of sexual pleasure. I myself have ecstatic experiences and blissful states that are quite different and far more pleasurable than what is considered 'normal sex', and I have spoken with many people who also have them, and have helped many others discover these possibilities too.
I am not exaggerating when I say that 'normal' sex is to this type of sex what a fast food hamburger is to gourmet cooking (keeping in mind that sometimes a hamburger is just fine, and you don’t have to like fine food). read more...
The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people.
To awaken your body to subtlety and exquisite sensation, you need to have heightened sensitivity. This takes strong connection and deep feeling. There’s no way you’d get that level of connection and feeling through being passive. read more...
I love to create beautiful experiences for people, to take them on journeys where they discover the magnificence of their sexuality, the beauty of their eroticism - and a deep opening into love.
I’m back from running another couple's retreat in the Blue Mountains and once again I am awed by the love that is expressed in these retreats. I know I’m blessed to regularly be ‘bathed’ in this energy as it is such a rare thing to experience in our society, where intimacy is so secretive and the public expression of sexuality tends to be coarse. read more...
The clients and retreat participants I see tend to be pretty together type of people with a mature attitude to life and relating. So I don’t get too many couples who want to stay flat-lining or locked in conflict. They want to grow and develop as individuals and as a couple and have the best life they can.
There are three ways of having a long-term relationship, or four, as the second type manifests in two ways which might appear to be diametrically opposed but are actually versions of the same dynamic:
I'm often asked about spiritual sex, and terms like 'Tantric Sex' are commonly googled requests that link to my website. I believe that to reach your sexual potential you've got to be open to the spiritual elements. So let's talk sex and spirituality.
'Bliss', 'ecstasy', 'connection', 'union', 'transcendence', losing self', 'merging with the universe.
What do you suppose I’m describing here?
a) A spiritual experience
b) A sexual experience
c) Both read more...
This is a practical activity to explore the polarities of giving and receiving, leading and following, from a place of equality.
Leading is Yang and giving is Yang. Following is Yin and receiving is Yin. When we combine these types of Yin and Yang we get four types of sexual expression: command, seduction, nurture/service and yielding. read more...
Feminine and masculine; dominant and submissive; active and receptive; spiritual and physical; hard and soft; intense and subtle; light and dark; slow and fast; quick and prolonged; peaks and valleys….
These are all elements of Yin and Yang, the coming together of equal, complementary opposites to make a united whole. They are also all elements of sexual potential.
The ancient Taoists of China understood this, the sexual understandings and practices that have come from that period of time are about balance and equality which lead to ecstatic sexual experiences that are health-and life-enhancing.
The Tantrics of India had similar practices, which also seek to create balance and harmony.
The West though, for the past few thousand years, has been dominated by masculine yang elements, which has led to a dysfunctionally dominant masculine and a dysfunctionally submissive feminine. This applied to the whole of society as much as to sex. read more...
There’s a wise old saying about spiritual and personal growth:
First there is the mountain
Then there is no mountain
Then there is the mountain again.
What this means is that you have normality, then that disappears while you grow and experience its opposite, and then a new normality comes back again as you integrate the experiences of personal growth.
This ’new’ reality is never the same reality as the one you had before - it might look the same to a casual observer but your experience of it is quite different.
If we’re talking about sex and intimacy, and human sexual potential, then the process is the same as for spiritual growth. read more...
‘Women’s essence is to be yin on the outside and yang on the inside, whereas men’s is to be yang on the outside and yin on the inside’.
We are equal. But does equal mean we are ‘the same’?
I’ve written elsewhere about how men and women are essentially the same - see one of my all time favourite blog articles ‘Men Are From Earth, Women Are From Earth’. But we’re not identical.
Vive la difference! read more...
I have a client at the moment who recently took a ‘marriage sabbatical’. At least, that’s what she and her husband called it.
A work sabbatical is traditionally when you take a break from your job to study something else for a while. The idea is that regular work is too full to focus on the study, so you have some time away, and come back to the job both with new and useful knowledge and a fresh spirit.
That’s what this client is doing with her marriage: she’s taking a month off to be away from her husband and all the expectations and pressures she feels (rightly or wrongly) from being in the marriage, in order to have the space to learn more about herself and what she wants and needs in her life and in her marriage. read more...
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- We Judge ‘Normal’ Sex Based on Our Own Experiences
- Project 'Great Sex'
- Heightening Sensory Pleasure
- The Bedroom is for Expression, Not Suppression
- Three Types of Sex All Couples Need
- Things that make you go 'mmm' and things that make you go 'ngh'
- Libido - the Interplay of Desire & Arousal
- The Good and Bad of Porn
- The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- A Bit About My Journey
- Seven Sex Tips for Busy People
- Penises Love A Soft Touch
- Share Before You Fix
- The Best Thing A Father Can Do
- The Exquisiteness of a Relaxed Vagina