The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people. 


It All Starts With a Kiss…

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, February 19, 2016



Lips part, faces draw near, lips touch. 

Close your eyes and imagine this, feel it, fully present in your lips, in your tongue. 

Your lips are soft, testing, sensing. Your mouth is relaxed, your tongue gentle. read more...



The Ecstasy is in the Spaces In-Between

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, February 05, 2016



Intense sex can be wonderful, transporting you on a wave of fervour, even ferocity. You’ll find the pleasure of passion there, but if you want ecstasy, rapture, you have to look elsewhere…

Because the ecstasy is found in the spaces in-between…

Imagine…just the barest of touches…not quite a touch at all…just the knowledge of the presence of the other… read more...



Radical Honesty

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, January 29, 2016


I'm always amazed at what happens when a couple is radically honesty with each other.

Let me share a couple of recent examples:

In one case, a young man told his wife that he didn’t find her sexually attractive and never really had. He had naturally felt he couldn’t tell her that for fear of insulting and upsetting her, but he was really finding it hard to have sex with her because of this feeling.  read more...



Strength in Softness, Softness in Strength

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, January 15, 2016



I had an interesting few days recently, running a workshop for women, followed two days later with a seminar for men. 

For me it was truly wonderful to work with a group of 16 women over two days and feel and see them come more fully into the strength and softness of their femininity, and become more sexually confident and expressive. Such gorgeous strong feminine women! 

And then two days later to work with a group of 15 men for an evening of coming into the strength and softness of their masculinity, becoming more sexually confident and (according to feedback from participants and/or their partners) more sexually expressive. Such gorgeous strong masculine men! read more...



Your New Year's Resolution - Have Better Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, January 01, 2016



Happy new year! I hope you’re having a great festive season and are taking time to look over your life and acknowledge where life is going well and where it could do with improving.

Hopefully you’ve gone so far as to make some new years resolutions. These are probably to do with health issues such as getting fit or drinking less, or to do with finance issues such as saving money or getting a raise. If so, they're all very worthy resolutions and good on you for making them.

Here’s another one for you:

“I resolve to have better sex this year.” read more...



Peace, Pleasure and Goodwill to All

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, December 18, 2015

 


Happy festive season! ’Tis the season for peace, pleasure and good will to all!

What’s this got to do with your love life?

Firstly - “’tis the season for peace”.

By peace I mean that inner stillness and calm that allows for presence. When you’ve got a head full of busyness it’s very hard to tune off and become still and present. You can still have pretty good sex, but it tends to be distracted, unconnected and therefore ultimately unsatisfying. So, during this time when most people have time off, focus on the peace, find the moments of quiet and tune into that. Then take that feeling into your lovemaking. It’s from that deep space that realness emerges and the sex can become whatever is real for you at the time, wild or tender or crazy as, whatever. The thing is that it’s real, it comes from within you, not some expectation or act imposed from outside. read more...



Come From A Place of "Yes!"

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, November 20, 2015



I had a good chat recently with a woman who loves to make love with her husband, she said that she never refuses her husband, that she always comes from a place of "Yes!".

Apparently her mother had drilled into her that it was the best way to stay happy and connected in a marriage, and it was good advice - regular, quality love-making definitely strengthens a relationship.

I had to agree, I too like to say "Yes!" to sex (and when I say ’sex’ I mean love-making not just intercourse, not even genital interaction) - and I'd love it if you could too and definitely not in a “just do it” kind of way. I want you to say “Yes!", not “Oh well, if I must” or “Ok, if you’ll shut up about it” or “Well, OK. I suppose you did vacuum the house…” read more...



Reluctance is Not Frigidity, It’s Body Intelligence - She’s Not Ready!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, October 30, 2015



I had a male client complain to me recently that after five years he still couldn’t get his girlfriend to want or enjoy sex. He said he’d tried everything - even anal sex and fisting, and she still wasn’t interested…

Oh boy, I think this guy was confusing sex with a porn shoot.

The poor girlfriend wasn’t frigid, she just wasn’t ready! Fortunately she was trusting her body and saying no, rather than going ahead and traumatizing herself. read more...



The Art of Mindful Sex - why it’s worth studying!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, October 23, 2015



This is what I do - teach, coach and inspire around the Art and Craft of Mindful Sex. 

Sometimes it’s hard to explain what I do. How does one explain working in a sex-positive industry?

I do use the term Tantra, which is good, but it’s also hundreds of years old and so not completely relevant to modern urban Australians. What is Tantra anyway? Essentially it’s mindful sex. Or to be a little broader: mindful loving. Loving with presence and focus, fully engaged physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Mindful sex means that:  read more...



Love Thy Partner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, October 16, 2015



This might sound obvious, of course you should love your partner. But do you really? And if you so, how do you express that love? Are you treating your partner like your lover? Or are you treating them as your spouse/co-parent/boss/subordinate/flat-mate/carer/dependant/provider/nurturer…?

There are only two true feelings in life: love and fear. All the negative emotions are essentially some expression of fear. Anger comes from fear: so if you are narky or nagging or irritated or down right furious with your partner, you are expressing fear. Oppression comes from fear; so if you are controlling your partner, or allowing yourself to be controlled by them, you are expressing fear. And boredom comes from fear; so if you are allowing yourself to become stuck in a rut and not seek enjoyment in life, then you are expressing fear. read more...



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