It seems to me that too much porn is making men less masculine and it’s making women less feminine*.
To have the ecstatic sexual experiences all women are capable of requires a woman to be soft, receptive, yielding. She has to feel safe enough to be completely vulnerable and thereby open herself up utterly.
Is that what we see in porn? Uh … no.
Now don’t get me wrong, when I describe a highly sexual woman in this way, I don’t mean the only sex she likes is incredibly soft. It can also be wild and wanton and absolutely full of abandon.
In fact, when a woman gets to her ultimate sexually, she becomes wild and free and completely unconstrained. That can lead to frenzied, passionate, delirious responses or it can lead to utter stillness with ecstatic sensations infusing the body with delectable pleasure, or anywhere in between. The thing is that it’s a true and real expression of a woman who feels confident enough in herself and in her partner to be able to go there.
The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people.
I see a lot of male clients who watch a lot of porn, and one thing that strikes me about these men is that they are not very masculine.
A man who is mature in his masculinity is: read more...
We’re talking extreme yang sex play here. Really unleashing the wild side and letting your most animalistic side take over. Rutting like wild cats. Biting, slapping, grasping hard, choking, seizing and pulling hair…
Rough sex takes an athlete’s devotion to physicality. You need strength, stamina, toughness, resilience. You have to be tough, both in the giving and receiving. You have to be physically robust to take rough sex. This robustness doesn’t have to be size, but the ability to flow with the activity, and the ability to absorb the energy of the activity and lose yourself in the pleasure of the passion. read more...
I was honored once to give the reading at a friends’ wedding. They’d chosen a reading they liked, but wanted it ‘sexed up a bit’ - and who better to ask? Like most wedding readings it was beautiful and poetic and spoke all about love and commitment and sharing and respecting - all good and important aspects of marriage - but nothing about sex and intimacy. As my friends rightly said: “It’s our sexual connection that brought us together and it’s what makes our relationship unique - so we want that celebrated in our wedding ceremony too!”
So, in the reading, I pointed out that a marriage (or any long-term relationship) is like a tripod. It has three legs: friends, partners and lovers. When all three are strong, you have a strong relationship, when they’re wobbly or missing, so is your relationship. read more...
I’m back from running another gorgeous Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains last weekend. I’m feeling all loved up myself from being surrounded by couples celebrating their love and honouring their sexuality as an expression of that love. It really is such a wonderful experience that I want to tell you all the good reasons to attend.
I was going to write this myself, and then I received this feedback from one couple who attended - and so I figured that rather than me waxing lyrical about it, it’d be much better for you to hear from the participants themselves! read more...
…the word that is, not the act. read more...
Sure, sometimes there are times when you want a quick wank, just as stress release or to rid yourself of a persistent urge. But for a man who wants to be a great lover, someone who is in tune with his sexuality and can make awesome love with his partner, what you really want is ‘solo cultivation’. read more...
There are many aspects to becoming sexually empowered, whatever your gender, and one of the key elements is pleasure. And the thing about pleasure, is that it's not a nice-to-have or reward-if-you’re-good. In fact, our bodies thrive on pleasure... read more...
My cousin died recently. She was only 33 and essentially drank herself to death. This is a modified version of the speech I gave at her funeral.
I do a lot of public speaking. My topic is usually around Love and Life, yet today I am speaking on the subject of Love and Death. read more...
I’m always stressing that sex is playtime for grown-ups. Sex is about sharing pleasure. That means being creative and experimental and generally having fun with the whole thing.
One element of playtime is…toys! Yes, just as kids can play with toys, so can we grown-ups. It’s fun!
Occasionally people say to me, ‘But it’s unnatural to use sex toys’. Oh for heaven’s sake, so is using a toothbrush, but I’m sure you use one every day.
In fact I doubt sex toys are ‘unnatural’ at all, I’m sure they go back as long as humans have existed. One of the outstanding features of humans is our ability to be creative and devise tools and gadgets. Phallic shaped artefacts have been found all over the world from ancient times, and while the archeologists might call them ‘objects of worship’ or similar, I’m quite sure they had a more ‘practical’ use as well… read more...
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- Partnered Sex is Not Solo Sex for Two
- Melting Moments
- Your Partner Can’t Be Everything to You