If you want to become a great lover and have wonderful sex, you have to ditch the myths that plague us.
Our society is full of sex myths. Because we don’t talk openly about the details of our sex lives and there have been so many moral issues associated with sex for so long that so many beliefs are taken for truth. These beliefs are so entrenched they can be challenging to let go of, but until you do, you’re holding yourself back. If you buy into a belief that there’s something wrong or bad about being a certain way, you’ll inevitably be judgmental about yourself and others.
Judgment is the biggest impediment to growth in any area, including sexuality.
I’m going to challenge you by starting with three big myths that are very entrenched in our society: read more...
The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people.
Relax your hips,
relax your buttocks,
relax your abdomen,
breathe read more...
When a woman gets to a level of arousal where she’s in a different ‘zone’ - love-drunk, in a heightened state, an altered state of consciousness - the sex changes.
There’s a different energy in that state, strange things happen. You can become aware of different sensations in your body: feelings of ecstasy and rapture, of transport and transcendence.
The description of this state sounds almost religious. read more...
Lips part, faces draw near, lips touch.
Close your eyes and imagine this, feel it, fully present in your lips, in your tongue.
Your lips are soft, testing, sensing. Your mouth is relaxed, your tongue gentle. read more...
Intense sex can be wonderful, transporting you on a wave of fervour, even ferocity. You’ll find the pleasure of passion there, but if you want ecstasy, rapture, you have to look elsewhere…
Because the ecstasy is found in the spaces in-between…
Imagine…just the barest of touches…not quite a touch at all…just the knowledge of the presence of the other… read more...
I'm always amazed at what happens when a couple is radically honesty with each other.
Let me share a couple of recent examples:
In one case, a young man told his wife that he didn’t find her sexually attractive and never really had. He had naturally felt he couldn’t tell her that for fear of insulting and upsetting her, but he was really finding it hard to have sex with her because of this feeling. read more...
I had an interesting few days recently, running a workshop for women, followed two days later with a seminar for men.
For me it was truly wonderful to work with a group of 16 women over two days and feel and see them come more fully into the strength and softness of their femininity, and become more sexually confident and expressive. Such gorgeous strong feminine women!
And then two days later to work with a group of 15 men for an evening of coming into the strength and softness of their masculinity, becoming more sexually confident and (according to feedback from participants and/or their partners) more sexually expressive. Such gorgeous strong masculine men! read more...
Happy new year! I hope you’re having a great festive season and are taking time to look over your life and acknowledge where life is going well and where it could do with improving.
Hopefully you’ve gone so far as to make some new years resolutions. These are probably to do with health issues such as getting fit or drinking less, or to do with finance issues such as saving money or getting a raise. If so, they're all very worthy resolutions and good on you for making them.
Here’s another one for you:
“I resolve to have better sex this year.” read more...
Happy festive season! ’Tis the season for peace, pleasure and good will to all!
What’s this got to do with your love life?
Firstly - “’tis the season for peace”.
By peace I mean that inner stillness and calm that allows for presence. When you’ve got a head full of busyness it’s very hard to tune off and become still and present. You can still have pretty good sex, but it tends to be distracted, unconnected and therefore ultimately unsatisfying. So, during this time when most people have time off, focus on the peace, find the moments of quiet and tune into that. Then take that feeling into your lovemaking. It’s from that deep space that realness emerges and the sex can become whatever is real for you at the time, wild or tender or crazy as, whatever. The thing is that it’s real, it comes from within you, not some expectation or act imposed from outside. read more...
I had a good chat recently with a woman who loves to make love with her husband, she said that she never refuses her husband, that she always comes from a place of "Yes!".
Apparently her mother had drilled into her that it was the best way to stay happy and connected in a marriage, and it was good advice - regular, quality love-making definitely strengthens a relationship.
I had to agree, I too like to say "Yes!" to sex (and when I say ’sex’ I mean love-making not just intercourse, not even genital interaction) - and I'd love it if you could too and definitely not in a “just do it” kind of way. I want you to say “Yes!", not “Oh well, if I must” or “Ok, if you’ll shut up about it” or “Well, OK. I suppose you did vacuum the house…” read more...
to my LOVELIFE blog for weekly inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!
- Savouring Sex
- Living La Vida Tantrika
- Be Kind - It Works
- Pushing Boundaries
- Seven Benefits of Attending A LoveLife Couples Tantra Retreat
- Good Rest=Good Sex
- We Need Bliss
- Receptive is not Passive
- So Much Love
- A High-Level Relationship is a High-Maintenance Relationship
- Sex as Spiritual Practice
- The Yin and Yang of Sex
- Third Level Love-Making
- Vive La Difference!
- Taking a Marriage Sabbatical