(This is copy of a blog I wrote five years ago, hence some of the historical references.)
Here I am sitting in the depths of the jungle in northern Thailand, spending some time at a permaculture farm. Last weekend I was studying spiritual healing. Over Easter I attended the Xplore festival on alternate sexuality. Three quite different experiences, but all united: the sexuality, the spirituality and the connection to the environment. read more...
The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people.
Think about electrical sockets. You have a masculine socket and a feminine socket. Bringing them together enables the energy to flow.
There’s a myth perpetuating in our society that men are “naturally” more promiscuous than women. One of the reasons given for this is that men have evolved to “sow their seed widely” so as to have more children and therefore ensure the continuity of their genes.
I'm never sure whether to pull my hair out in frustration or laugh at the ludicrousness of such as suggestion, which I hear so often, even from intelligent thoughtful people.
The fact is that the “sow seed widely” form of reproduction is generally only practiced by the lower orders of animals, such as amphibians and fish and coral. In these species the female lays huge quantities of eggs, which hatch into offspring, most of which don’t survive until reproductive age. The males conversely, have to spread huge amounts of sperm around, to catch the widely scattered eggs.
Just because all the media hype promotes thin people as being “sexier” doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if they were sexier, it doesn’t mean they have better sex than people with a bit more flesh on them.
I mean, do you prefer your lover built for comfort or for speed?
I remember a party I was at in my 20’s, talking to another woman who was a little on the plump side - rather voluptuous. She was bemoaning how unattractive she was and wishing she were thin like me: “Because men like thin women”. “Rubbish!” I replied – and went on to prove it by asking every young man in the room whose figure they preferred, hers or mine. read more...
Let’s take a look at the widely held myth that women are not naturally promiscuous.
First, a few biological facts:
So often people contact me to say that they want to come in for therapy and coaching sessions, or that they want to attend one of my workshops….but their partner doesn’t.
“How can I persuade him/her to come along?” they plead.
It’s a tricky one. You love your partner and you want to improve your sexual connection and through that your life together. You are willing to open up to in private sessions, or expose yourself to some degree in a group situation (not literally, my workshops are decidedly clothes on!), yet your partner is reluctant.
There are a number of reasons why your partner might be reluctant: read more...
Is your idea of libido “whoah hubba hubba here we go baby oh yeah bring it on!!!”?
Do you feel that the lead-up to sex has to be intense and passionate?
Are you struggling to achieve that fervent enthusiasm?
Have you tried to force the fire by watching porn, playing dress-ups or bringing out the sex toys - and it’s just made you feel worse?
And does that make it all seem too hard so you can’t be bothered?
Then throw away those ideas of needing to rev up for sex, and focus instead on the 'chilled build'. read more...
Happy loving parents make for happy loving children, so it’s vital that as parents you make the time and space to be loving with each other. A lot of people seem to feel it’s all too hard when you have children, so they have infrequent sex, if any at all.
It doesn't have to be that way though, not if you train your children to know that Mummy and Daddy need “Cuddle Time”. read more...
Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.
And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.
But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.
It seems to me that too much porn is making men less masculine and it’s making women less feminine*.
To have the ecstatic sexual experiences all women are capable of requires a woman to be soft, receptive, yielding. She has to feel safe enough to be completely vulnerable and thereby open herself up utterly.
Is that what we see in porn? Uh … no.
Now don’t get me wrong, when I describe a highly sexual woman in this way, I don’t mean the only sex she likes is incredibly soft. It can also be wild and wanton and absolutely full of abandon.
In fact, when a woman gets to her ultimate sexually, she becomes wild and free and completely unconstrained. That can lead to frenzied, passionate, delirious responses or it can lead to utter stillness with ecstatic sensations infusing the body with delectable pleasure, or anywhere in between. The thing is that it’s a true and real expression of a woman who feels confident enough in herself and in her partner to be able to go there.
to the LOVELIFE blog for weekly inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!
- We Judge ‘Normal’ Sex Based on Our Own Experiences
- Project 'Great Sex'
- Heightening Sensory Pleasure
- The Bedroom is for Expression, Not Suppression
- Three Types of Sex All Couples Need
- Things that make you go 'mmm' and things that make you go 'ngh'
- Libido - the Interplay of Desire & Arousal
- The Good and Bad of Porn
- The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- A Bit About My Journey
- Seven Sex Tips for Busy People
- Penises Love A Soft Touch
- Share Before You Fix
- The Best Thing A Father Can Do
- The Exquisiteness of a Relaxed Vagina