The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people. 


The Bedroom is for Expression, Not Suppression

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 03, 2017



Sex is one of the great forms of human self-expression. It's a place where creativity, physical movement, pleasure and joy can manifest, just like the other forms of human expression - music, art, design, dance, cooking, sport, even writing. 

 read more...



The Good and Bad of Porn

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, October 22, 2017



Humans love watching people have sex. The voyeuristic elements of sex have been part of human sexuality as far back as recorded history goes, and probably beyond. Erotic art is found around the world from all eras. Even in sexually repressed periods such as Victorian England there was a flourishing trade in postcards of nudes and amazing little paper contraptions that mimicked the sex act. In present times, there wouldn't be too many men around who, as a teenager, didn’t have girlie magazines stuffed under their mattress, which their girlfriends also looked at in fascination.

And now we have a proliferation of porn on the Internet. So is this good or bad?  read more...



We Need Bliss

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, February 26, 2017

 

Being a sex geek, I am both trained as a scientist yet explore areas more likely to be considered mystical - particularly in the area of sexual pleasure. I myself have ecstatic experiences and blissful states that are quite different and far more pleasurable than what is considered 'normal sex', and I have spoken with many people who also have them, and have helped many others discover these possibilities too.

I am not exaggerating when I say that 'normal' sex is to this type of sex what a fast food hamburger is to gourmet cooking (keeping in mind that sometimes a hamburger is just fine, and you don’t have to like fine food). read more...



Men Have Not Evolved to 'Sow Their Seed Widely'

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, October 22, 2016



There’s a myth perpetuating in our society that men are “naturally” more promiscuous than women. One of the reasons given for this is that men have evolved to “sow their seed widely” so as to have more children and therefore ensure the continuity of their genes.

I'm never sure whether to pull my hair out in frustration or laugh at the ludicrousness of such as suggestion, which I hear so often, even from intelligent thoughtful people.

The fact is that the “sow seed widely” form of reproduction is generally only practiced by the lower orders of animals, such as amphibians and fish and coral. In these species the female lays huge quantities of eggs, which hatch into offspring, most of which don’t survive until reproductive age. The males conversely, have to spread huge amounts of sperm around, to catch the widely scattered eggs.
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Big Sex is Beautiful Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, October 16, 2016



Just because all the media hype promotes thin people as being “sexier” doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if they were sexier, it doesn’t mean they have better sex than people with a bit more flesh on them.

I mean, do you prefer your lover built for comfort or for speed?

I remember a party I was at in my 20’s, talking to another woman who was a little on the plump side - rather voluptuous. She was bemoaning how unattractive she was and wishing she were thin like me: “Because men like thin women”. “Rubbish!” I replied – and went on to prove it by asking every young man in the room whose figure they preferred, hers or mine.  read more...



Women Are Not 'Naturally' Monogomous

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, October 08, 2016



Let’s take a look at the widely held myth that women are not naturally promiscuous. 

First, a few biological facts:
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Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, September 03, 2016



Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.

And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.

But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.
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The Sexual Glutton vs The Sexual Gourmet

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, May 29, 2016

I was chatting to a good friend recently who, like many people, loves sex and loves the general topic of sex. He was musing on whether he might possibly be a sex addict given that he’s so fascinated, possibly even obsessed, by the topic. My reply was: “I hope not, because that would make me one too!”

It got me thinking, because I have done on-line “Are you a Sex Addict’ type quizzes, and according to some of them I certainly would be a sex addict because thinking about sex takes up so much of my time and sex in general plays such a big part of my life.  read more...



Ditch the Sex Myths

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, April 01, 2016



If you want to become a great lover and have wonderful sex, you have to ditch the myths that plague us.

Our society is full of sex myths. Because we don’t talk openly about the details of our sex lives and there have been so many moral issues associated with sex for so long that so many beliefs are taken for truth. These beliefs are so entrenched they can be challenging to let go of, but until you do, you’re holding yourself back. If you buy into a belief that there’s something wrong or bad about being a certain way, you’ll inevitably be judgmental about yourself and others.

Judgment is the biggest impediment to growth in any area, including sexuality.

I’m going to challenge you by starting with three big myths that are very entrenched in our society: read more...



So Many Boxes - So Little Freedom

Jacqueline Hellyer - Thursday, July 30, 2015



So many people live lives that are boxes within boxes, constraints within constraints, limitations within limitations. The number of “should”s and “must”s and “ought”s and “can’t”s and “mustn’t”s are never-ending. read more...



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