Over my years of clinical and academic involvement in sexuality (not to mention countless hours of personal ‘research’) I have identified seven underlying elements to our sexuality.
These elements are all essential to having a strong, healthy, integrated sexuality. If you are weak in any of them, your sexuality will be out of balance.
These elements are also developmental, each element includes and transcends the ones before. If you jump ahead before you’ve developed and integrated the earlier elements, that too will cause your sexuality to be out of balance. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
It's Autumn, the “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness” to quote Keats - a time of ripening and reaching fulfillment. Mmm, doesn’t that sound so sexual!
It’s not an intense, fiery time of year though and I don’t advocate an overly intense approach to sex.
Too many people go too far too quick, rushing into it, without allowing the time for the ‘ripening’ in order to achieve real sexual fulfillment.
Truly awesome sex always takes connection, a 'sinking in' within oneself and with each other. It’s different from the rapid-fire approach to sexual excitation, which is the more “normal” mode in this society. With this sinking in comes a ‘syncing in’, where you can let go and really feel each other, really tune in - and for a while the two can indeed become 'one'.
For generations we raised our girl children to think they’re not sexual, that they shouldn’t be sexual, and if they were sexual - stoning or burning them to death or locking them away in insane asylums. Women didn’t have a chance to explore their sexuality, and neither did their partners.
So, with no alternative, when a man married he basically kept on doing with his wife what he’d been doing with himself for years - masturbating. Since puberty the adolescent boy had been stroking his penis as fast as he could until he ejaculated. So when he got a female partner, not knowing any better, he kept doing that inside her.
Essentially men were masturbating inside their wives.
It's the new year, a time for committing to bettering yourself. What better area of life to commit to focusing on than your love life?!
Whether you're single or partnered, we can all focus on that fundamentally important contributor to health, happiness and well-being - your sexuality!
So I'd like to suggest you commit to a Year of Great Sex! Let's call it your 'Great Sex' Project.
Sex is one of the great forms of human self-expression. It's a place where creativity, physical movement, pleasure and joy can manifest, just like the other forms of human expression - music, art, design, dance, cooking, sport, even writing. read more...
I like to divide sexual encounters in a long-term relationship into three types:
Simple Sex – short and comforting
Sensual Sex - luscious and bonding
Spicy Sex – exciting and adventurous
Taking a break together is always a good thing to do, helping you relax and rejuvenate and hopefully have some quality sexy time away from the stresses of everyday life.
So why would you add a couples retreat to your time away? What are the benefits to you of going to one of my LoveLife Couples Retreats?
Well, where do I start?! Feeling the love and connection in the group and seeing the couples blossom is an experience that’s hard to put into words.
But I’ll try...
What is a hobby? According to the dictionary it’s “an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.” That sounds like sex to me!
We all know that it’s good for couples to have a mutual hobby - cooking, gardening, sport, travel, outdoor recreation, decorating, traveling, study. It gives us something to talk about, to experiment with and to enjoy together.
You’re being intimate anyway, so why not give your sex life the same focus and attention that you give any hobby? read more...
…which means it’s not “getting each other off”.
Solo sex is about having an orgasm, experimentation, self-education or any number of things, but it’s not about sharing.
Partnered sex is about sharing pleasure. read more...
There’s a wise old saying about spiritual and personal growth:
First there is the mountain
Then there is no mountain
Then there is the mountain again.
What this means is that you have normality, then that disappears while you grow and experience its opposite, and then a new normality comes back again as you integrate the experiences of personal growth.
This ’new’ reality is never the same reality as the one you had before - it might look the same to a casual observer but your experience of it is quite different.
If we’re talking about sex and intimacy, and human sexual potential, then the process is the same as for spiritual growth. read more...
- Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
- Getting to Sex can be like getting to the Gym
- Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts. Like Chocolate Cake.
- Therapy is Composting Your Sh*t
- Flat-lining or Surfing?
- How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex & Relationships
- The Clitoris Is Not an On-Off Button
- The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution
- Allow Self-Indulgence
- Are You Relationship-Oriented?
- Tantra: Sex Through Non-Sex
- A Multitude of Orgasmic Possibilities
- Sink In to Sync In
- Penises - does size really matter?
- A History of Sexual Misinformation
to my LOVELIFE blog for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!