The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


Intercourse as Foreplay

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 15, 2019



Foreplay is generally seen as what you do before you get to intercourse, to prepare yourselves (especially the woman) to be ready to receive “penetration” by the man. Intercourse is seen as a vigorous activity consisting of the man thrusting into the woman, or less frequently, the woman bouncing around on the man.

 read more...



Q&A: Is It Normal to Want Sex Twice A Day?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, November 24, 2019



From my column in Body+Soul

Question: Hoping you can shed some light. Two months ago I decided to end a wonderful relationship, due to my partner's desire to have sex twice a day. He told me this is normal for him, and that he had it like that in his last two long-term relationships. It all came to a head when he told me he wasn’t ready for us to live together and be defacto. I felt I was being sexually used, and called it quits. But we still love one another and talk regularly and have huge chemistry between us. Can you help me? Is it normal in your 50s to be wanting sex twice a day, and how can we find a compromise?  read more...



The Pleasure of A Soft Cock

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, September 08, 2019

 

There is so much pressure on penises. The poor things are supposed to rise to attention on command, stay hard for hours, only ejaculate when desired - and if they can’t do that, then the sex is considered poor, he has 'failed'.
 read more...



Solo Sex: Mindful Masturbation

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, May 12, 2019



I’m going to talk about solo sex. 

That’s right, masturbation, wanking, self-pleasuring, or as they refer to it in the ancient Taoist sexual tracts, self-cultivation. Why is this? Because the ability to self-pleasure is an important aspect of sexual empowerment and sexual development.

Unfortunately, it has had a bad rap over recent centuries. It has been seen as something unpleasant, even sinful, and so done furtively and secretly. I mean, when was the last time you had in-depth conversations with your friends on your favorite masturbatory techniques? Or as an adolescent did your parents encourage you to self-pleasure to explore your budding sexuality? I doubt it. Which is a shame, because it would have made a positive difference to your experience of sex. read more...



Own the Crone

Jacqueline Hellyer - Wednesday, May 01, 2019

 

1 May 2019

Today I am 55 years of age. It feels somehow special. I feel I’ve ‘arrived’ at a new stage somehow. I didn’t feel this when I turned 50, although that was significant too. Fifty-five feels strong, wise, powerful.

I woke up with the phrase 'Own the Crone' going through my mind.

It comes from the three classical stages of woman: maiden, mother and crone.

It’s the ‘maiden’, the young woman, who has been considered the most desirable, the most sexual in our society. We glorify youth, the beauty, the vibrancy of the young. That’s what’s considered sexually desirable.

The ‘mother’ phase of a woman’s life, well, this has been when she's considered the most ‘useful’ – as long as she had children of course, god forbid if she didn’t and remained a ‘spinster’. But was she sexual? Ah, no.

And as for the crone, that dried up older woman. What use was she? She’s past it, a post-menopausal has-been.

Hardly! I’ve never felt more confident, more capable, healthier or more sexually juiced up in my life! So, I’m coming out loud and proud about my age to be a beacon of inspiration for women of all ages. read more...



Porn Star versus Prude

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, April 14, 2019



For centuries we had the Madonna - Whore polarity
, good girl versus bad girl: bad girls put out, good girls are virtuous. You fuck the whore but not your pure, chaste wife. Female sexuality was only there to serve men's sexuality: the good girls provided offspring and the bad girls provided pleasure - and never the twain would meet.

Then that ridiculous notion changed with the sexual revolution of the 1960’s and 70’s. Finally we believed that sex was good and we should like sex - hip hip hooray, sexual freedom and liberation for all!!!

But has it really changed?  read more...



Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 02, 2018

 


There are some old sexual myths of men being “naturally promiscuous” to sow their seed, and women being “naturally monogamous” because it’s “natural” for a woman to be less sexual and on closer examination these myths have no basis in fact. The former because it is a misuse of evolutionary theory and the latter because it is based on historical suppression of women’s sexuality not their biological reality. (See A History of Sexual Misinformation for more on this.) read more...



How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex & Relationships

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, July 22, 2018




Sex within intimate relationships can be an extraordinary place to grow spiritually, to deepen in love, expand conscious awareness, to feel more peace, bliss, ease. But it’s also very easy to fall into what’s called spiritual bypassing, thinking that you’re becoming more spiritual but actually doing some or all of the following:
 read more...



The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, June 24, 2018



Phase One: Two Become One


When we fall in love, there is so much newness and discovery that it’s very easy to feel like ‘two become one’, you feel you have so much in common! It’s just like the fairy-tales and you feel that you really will ‘live happily ever after’!!!

This is the ‘symbiotic’ phase of a relationship. It’s a very important part and builds a strong foundation.
 
Symbiosis or Fusion?

However, inevitably, you start to realise that two have not become one, two are still two. The cracks start to appear, your differences are more obvious and unsettling. I call this the ‘aargh’ phase of a relationship.
 read more...



A History of Sexual Misinformation

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, March 25, 2018



Why is our society so sexually screwed-up?

Basically, it’s because we’ve had two to three thousand years of sexual suppression.

During these millennia two very damaging myths have been held as truths in western society:
 read more...



1 2 3 4

lovelife rss feed Subscribe to the Blog Feed


Listen to the audio version - the LoveLife Podcast!



Search

Recent Posts

 

Earlier Posts



Tags



Subscribe

to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!



For more great sex advice -
read my books!