Women and men have differences, sure, but we're not that different.
The most similar creature to Man is Woman, and the most similar creature to Woman is Man. We share about 99% of our DNA with chimpanzees, we share 60% of our DNA with fruit flies for goodness sake! read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
Here’s my video blog on the topic:
For centuries we had sex as ‘shame’. Sex was seen as an unfortunate necessity to propagate the species.
Good women weren’t interested and men had their needs. Truly spiritual people abstained. No-one spoke about it, no-one studied it, only the very lucky or particularly diligent got to experience quality sex.
Then the pendulum swung completely the other way and for the last few decades we’ve had sex as sleaze. Now everyone’s supposed to be into it, gagging for it even, open to anything and everything and having mind-blowing experiences every time.
The first stage was outrageously prudish, which wasn’t good for anyone. The second stage has been outrageously permissive, which hasn’t been a whole lot better. It’s time for a third wave of sexuality. Beyond shame, beyond sleaze, it’s time for meaningful sex. read more...
The incredible success of the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Trilogy (30 million copies sold and counting…) has sent shock waves around the globe with commentators everywhere trying to explain how this really very ordinary book could have been such a big hit. read more...
I’ve written elsewhere about how humans are not necessarily naturally monogamous, and that’s it’s a social norm rather than a biological imperative.
It’s a very strong social norm, and anyone who goes against that norm risks pretty severe social disapproval, particularly if it’s done in a deceitful way. Unfortunately most non-monogamy is deceitful, one party has an affair, or several, and when the other finds out it can be ruinous for the relationship. I am completely against non-consensual non-monogamy, ie cheating on your partner.
It doesn’t have to be one or the other though, monogamy or cheating. If monogamy works for you, great, if not, there are more options than being unfaithful to your partner in a deceitful way.
It is possible to be non-monogamous – with consent. That’s the difference, it has to be consensual. When a couple both agree to be non-monogamous and continually assess the situation and their own rules and boundaries, then it can be a successful approach to living and loving. read more...
I’ve spoken to hundreds of men at the most intimate levels about their sex lives. I always ask them what it is they love most about sex. And do you know what the answer is?
If you have an old-fashioned view of sex, that ‘men have their needs’ and that really they are just animalistic creatures who need to get their end in to get their rocks off then you’d probably say something like: having an orgasm. read more...
We tend to assume that sex has to involve the genitals, and that any sense of erotic or sexual arousal will need to lead to genital engagement.
This is because we’ve associated sex with reproduction for so long, and obviously you need genital interaction for reproduction.
Yet sex is not just about reproduction. In fact it’s rarely about reproduction. Sex in humans is not primarily a reproductive function. read more...
Most of us have fetishes of some kind or another. If you’re lucky, they’re socially acceptable, and not even considered fetishes - such as if you’re a woman who gets turned on wearing lace knickers or stiletto shoes; but if your fetishes are not socially acceptable - such as if you’re a man who gets turned on wearing lace knickers or stiletto shoes, well, then you’ve got problems. For example, in our society in general:
One of the main differences between 'standard' modern sexual practices and the more alternative, spiritual sexual practices is the attitude to orgasm.
In the mainstream, orgasm is generally considered a highly desirable, usually necessary, part of sex, and generally the bigger the better and the more the merrier.
In the Tantric/Taoist approaches there is a strong emphasis on not having an orgasm. Which to many modern Westerners seems crazy, especially for those who think the whole point of sex is orgasm. read more...
When things get tough, couples tend to either:
- Separate, generally accompanied by bitter and twisted feelings or
- Put up with it and flat-line, living lives of quiet desperation.
- Renegotiate your relationship. read more...
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