The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

Women Are Not 'Naturally' Monogomous

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, October 08, 2016

Let’s take a look at the widely held myth that women are not naturally promiscuous. 

First, a few biological facts:

Giving Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, September 03, 2016

Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.

And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.

But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.

The Sexual Glutton vs The Sexual Gourmet

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, May 29, 2016

I was chatting to a good friend recently who, like many people, loves sex and loves the general topic of sex. He was musing on whether he might possibly be a sex addict given that he’s so fascinated, possibly even obsessed, by the topic. My reply was: “I hope not, because that would make me one too!”

It got me thinking, because I have done on-line “Are you a Sex Addict’ type quizzes, and according to some of them I certainly would be a sex addict because thinking about sex takes up so much of my time and sex in general plays such a big part of my life.  read more...

Ditch the Sex Myths

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, April 01, 2016

If you want to become a great lover and have wonderful sex, you have to ditch the myths that plague us.

Our society is full of sex myths. Because we don’t talk openly about the details of our sex lives and there have been so many moral issues associated with sex for so long that so many beliefs are taken for truth. These beliefs are so entrenched they can be challenging to let go of, but until you do, you’re holding yourself back. If you buy into a belief that there’s something wrong or bad about being a certain way, you’ll inevitably be judgmental about yourself and others.

Judgment is the biggest impediment to growth in any area, including sexuality.

I’m going to challenge you by starting with three big myths that are very entrenched in our society: read more...

So Many Boxes - So Little Freedom

Jacqueline Hellyer - Thursday, July 30, 2015

So many people live lives that are boxes within boxes, constraints within constraints, limitations within limitations. The number of “should”s and “must”s and “ought”s and “can’t”s and “mustn’t”s are never-ending. read more...

Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Women and men have differences, sure, but we're not that different.

The most similar creature to Man is Woman, and the most similar creature to Woman is Man. We share about 99% of our DNA with chimpanzees, we share 60% of our DNA with fruit flies for goodness sake! read more...

Viagra for Women - why the pink pill is wrong, wrong, wrong

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 09, 2015

 Here’s my video blog on the topic:


Move Beyond Sleaze and Shame and Discover The Third Wave of Sexuality

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 05, 2015


For centuries we had sex as ‘shame’. Sex was seen as an unfortunate necessity to propagate the species. 

Good women weren’t interested and men had their needs. Truly spiritual people abstained. No-one spoke about it, no-one studied it, only the very lucky or particularly diligent got to experience quality sex.

Then the pendulum swung completely the other way and for the last few decades we’ve had sex as sleaze. Now everyone’s supposed to be into it, gagging for it even, open to anything and everything and having mind-blowing experiences every time.

The first stage was outrageously prudish, which wasn’t good for anyone. The second stage has been outrageously permissive, which hasn’t been a whole lot better. It’s time for a third wave of sexuality. Beyond shame, beyond sleaze, it’s time for meaningful sexread more...

We’re All Individuals! There are Spectra of Sexuality

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The incredible success of the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Trilogy (30 million copies sold and counting…) has sent shock waves around the globe with commentators everywhere trying to explain how this really very ordinary book could have been such a big hit.  read more...

Consensual Non-Monogamy

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, October 14, 2014

I’ve written elsewhere about how humans are not necessarily naturally monogamous, and that’s it’s a social norm rather than a biological imperative.

It’s a very strong social norm, and anyone who goes against that norm risks pretty severe social disapproval, particularly if it’s done in a deceitful way. Unfortunately most non-monogamy is deceitful, one party has an affair, or several, and when the other finds out it can be ruinous for the relationship. I am completely against non-consensual non-monogamy, ie cheating on your partner.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other though, monogamy or cheating. If monogamy works for you, great, if not, there are more options than being unfaithful to your partner in a deceitful way.

It is possible to be non-monogamous – with consent. That’s the difference, it has to be consensual. When a couple both agree to be non-monogamous and continually assess the situation and their own rules and boundaries, then it can be a successful approach to living and loving. read more...

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