The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


What Do Men Love Best About Sex?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 20, 2013



I’ve spoken to hundreds of men at the most intimate levels about their sex lives. I always ask them what it is they love most about sex. And do you know what the answer is?

If you have an old-fashioned view of sex, that ‘men have their needs’ and that really they are just animalistic creatures who need to get their end in to get their rocks off then you’d probably say something like: having an orgasm. read more...



Fetishes are Fine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 06, 2013



Most of us have fetishes of some kind or another. If you’re lucky, they’re socially acceptable, and not even considered fetishes - such as if you’re a woman who gets turned on wearing lace knickers or stiletto shoes; but if your fetishes are not socially acceptable - such as if you’re a man who gets turned on wearing lace knickers or stiletto shoes, well, then you’ve got problems. For example, in our society in general:
 read more...



Sex Doesn't Have to Involve the Genitals

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 02, 2013



We tend to assume that sex has to involve the genitals, and that any sense of erotic or sexual arousal will need to lead to genital engagement.

This is because we’ve associated sex with reproduction for so long, and obviously you need genital interaction for reproduction.

Yet sex is not just about reproduction. In fact it’s rarely about reproduction. Sex in humans is not primarily a reproductive function. read more...



To Come or Not To Come

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 07, 2013

 Photo by Mahrael Boutros from Pexels

One of the main differences between 'standard' modern sexual practices and the more alternative, spiritual sexual practices is the attitude to orgasm.

In the mainstream, orgasm is generally considered a highly desirable, usually necessary, part of sex, and generally the bigger the better and the more the merrier.

In the Tantric/Taoist approaches there is a strong emphasis on not having an orgasm. Which to many modern Westerners seems crazy, especially for those who think the whole point of sex is orgasm. read more...



Trust Means Being OK with Not Knowing

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, February 05, 2013

 Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas from Pexels

"How can I ever trust him/her again?”
 

Client after client pleads this after discovering hurtful deceits by their beloveds. 
What they are really asking is: "How can I ever be 100% sure that my partner won't ever do this again?"

The honest answer is: you can't. In fact, you never could.

You can never be absolutely sure that your partner will never ever be deceitful or hurt you in some way.

The very definition of ‘trust’ is ‘not knowing’.  read more...



Renegotiate Your Contract

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, January 29, 2013

 Photo by Jopwell from Pexels

When things get tough, couples tend to either:

  • Separate, generally accompanied by bitter and twisted feelings or
  • Put up with it and flat-line, living lives of quiet desperation.
It’s far better to go with option three:
  • Renegotiate your relationship.
 read more...



The Breadth of Sexuality & The Importance of Fun

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, November 23, 2010



I often find that people are surprised at the breadth of sexuality I encourage. As with so much of our society, we tend to categorize and label others and ourselves. What I do can’t be labeled in this way. I’m not just ‘tantric’ or ‘kinky’ or ‘raunchy’ or ‘clinical’ or whatever – I’m all of them, and more.

I believe in the full range of sexual expression, as long as it comes from a place that is real.

For me that’s the only issue. Are you being real, and are you allowing expression of your true self? I don’t believe there is any right or wrong when it comes to sex, as long as it’s between consenting living adult humans, as long as it’s life enhancing.

So the tantric types get a shock in my workshops when I bring out the bondage ropes; those who embrace raunch culture find the softness disconcerting; the kinky types wonder if all this talk about love isn’t a bit vanilla; and the clinical types find the fun and naughtiness rather perplexing.

But it’s all good! Tantric bondage, soft raunch, loving kink, are all real expressions of possibility.
 read more...



The Great G-Spot & Female Ejaculation Debate!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Firstly, let me apologise on behalf of my profession that, in the early 21st century, we still don’t know how women’s bodies work! I find it appalling that there’s still debate over what’s in our vaginas and what effect touching various parts produces! read more...



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