Mis-matched libidos, difference in desire, high and low sex drive, etc. These are very common terms used to describe a very common issue.
But what are we really talking about here?
What is libido, what is desire?
Firstly, it’s not a ‘thing’. Libido is not something you have or don’t have.
Secondly, desire is not arousal.
Often people say that one partner has a high libido, high desire, and the other partner has low libido, low desire. But when we get talking it often turns out that they are confusing desire with arousal.
Having fast arousal is not the same as having high desire, and having slow arousal is not the same as having low desire. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
Life in the 21st century is fast paced, so fast paced that it’s easy to get caught up in all the busy-ness.
Busy isn’t bad, not if you’re relishing life as you busily experience it. But, and it’s a BIG but, if you let life carry you along on an endless wave of manic activity, then you won’t even notice you’re living, you won’t be enjoying it, and you won’t be making the time to savor all the wonderful things that life offers – including sex!
Wouldn’t you love sex to be a blissful haven away from all that frenetic stuff?
Wouldn’t you love to have sex that leaves you renewed and refreshed, that leaves you feeling fabulous?
Here are the seven fundamental sex tips to help you as a busy person have that blissful haven of fabulous sex. Read them, and, if they make sense to you and you want practical advice on how to use the Secrets in your life, buy and read my full book Sex Secrets for Busy People (don't worry, it's short - it's designed for busy people!) read more...
Every time you do something for or say something nice to your partner it’s like you’re sending them a little bundle of loving sexual energy, a little quantum of deliciousness.
Imagine that quantum of energy springing across from your heart and into your partner’s heart. Make them feel the “mmm” - “mmm, you love me” and “mmm, you desire me”. read more...
Kids, mortgages, housework, career ...
Are those the priorities in your life?
Next you try to fit in some nice-to-haves: gym, net-surfing, watch some TV, repainting the lounge...
After all of that there's not a lot of time left for much else is there?
Does that sound like your life? Pretty good on the whole, shouldn’t complain, but something’s missing? Does it feel like you’re doing it tough? Do you feel somehow unsupported as though you’re going it alone, even if you have a partner…?
Chances are, like so many busy modern couples, you’ve lost the “Mmm-Factor”. read more...
Whoa! Isn’t that blasphemy, coming from a Sex Coach?
Sleep is better than sex? Hello - has Jacqueline gone crazy?
No, I’m not about to ‘fess up and declare that I don’t practice what I preach. I’m not going to tell you that most of the time I actually prefer curling up in bed with a good book and a box of chocolates - although sometimes I do. My point is that for very many people, myself included, without enough sleep you don’t feel like sex.
Time after time I get exhausted people coming to me wondering what’s wrong with them, why they don’t have any desire for sex. The answer is pretty simple – they’re too tired.
Exhausted, flat, overwhelmed, worn out, drained… None of these states are conducive to a raging libido.
Like anything in life, the better the physical and mental state you’re in, the better you’ll perform. This applies whether we’re talking about work, sport or play - including sex. read more...
Rest is a topic I could go on endlessly about. It’s so important for our mental and physical well being to rest properly and by “rest” I don’t mean vegetating in front of the TV for hours on end.
Rest is also essential for good sex. Good sex is an energizing experience, but if you’re too tired it won’t be good, if it exists at all.
Is your idea of libido “whoah hubba hubba here we go baby oh yeah bring it on!!!”?
Do you feel that the lead-up to sex has to be intense and passionate?
Are you struggling to achieve that fervent enthusiasm?
Have you tried to force the fire by watching porn, playing dress-ups or bringing out the sex toys - and it’s just made you feel worse?
And does that make it all seem too hard so you can’t be bothered?
Then throw away those ideas of needing to rev up for sex, and focus instead on the 'chilled build'. read more...
I’m back from running another gorgeous Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains last weekend. I’m feeling all loved up myself from being surrounded by couples celebrating their love and honouring their sexuality as an expression of that love. It really is such a wonderful experience that I want to tell you all the good reasons to attend.
I was going to write this myself, and then I received this feedback from one couple who attended - and so I figured that rather than me waxing lyrical about it, it’d be much better for you to hear from the participants themselves! read more...
Happy festive season! ’Tis the season for peace, pleasure and good will to all!
What’s this got to do with your love life?
Firstly - “’tis the season for peace”.
By peace I mean that inner stillness and calm that allows for presence. When you’ve got a head full of busyness it’s very hard to tune off and become still and present. You can still have pretty good sex, but it tends to be distracted, unconnected and therefore ultimately unsatisfying. So, during this time when most people have time off, focus on the peace, find the moments of quiet and tune into that. Then take that feeling into your lovemaking. It’s from that deep space that realness emerges and the sex can become whatever is real for you at the time, wild or tender or crazy as, whatever. The thing is that it’s real, it comes from within you, not some expectation or act imposed from outside. read more...
I had a good chat recently with a woman who loves to make love with her husband, she said that she never refuses her husband, that she always comes from a place of "Yes!".
Apparently her mother had drilled into her that it was the best way to stay happy and connected in a marriage, and it was good advice - regular, quality love-making definitely strengthens a relationship.
I had to agree, I too like to say "Yes!" to sex (and when I say ’sex’ I mean love-making not just intercourse, not even genital interaction) - and I'd love it if you could too and definitely not in a “just do it” kind of way. I want you to say “Yes!", not “Oh well, if I must” or “Ok, if you’ll shut up about it” or “Well, OK. I suppose you did vacuum the house…” read more...
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- Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
- How to Stay In Love
- Expanding Your Sexual Play Pt 2: How
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- Simple Sex is Good Sex
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- Porn Star versus Prude
- “When One is Pretending, the Whole Body Revolts”
to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!