Is your idea of libido “whoah hubba hubba here we go baby oh yeah bring it on!!!”?
Do you feel that the lead-up to sex has to be intense and passionate?
Are you struggling to achieve that fervent enthusiasm?
Have you tried to force the fire by watching porn, playing dress-ups or bringing out the sex toys - and it’s just made you feel worse?
And does that make it all seem too hard so you can’t be bothered?
Then throw away those ideas of needing to rev up for sex, and focus instead on the 'chilled build'. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
I’m back from running another gorgeous Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains last weekend. I’m feeling all loved up myself from being surrounded by couples celebrating their love and honouring their sexuality as an expression of that love. It really is such a wonderful experience that I want to tell you all the good reasons to attend.
I was going to write this myself, and then I received this feedback from one couple who attended - and so I figured that rather than me waxing lyrical about it, it’d be much better for you to hear from the participants themselves! read more...
Happy festive season! ’Tis the season for peace, pleasure and good will to all!
What’s this got to do with your love life?
Firstly - “’tis the season for peace”.
By peace I mean that inner stillness and calm that allows for presence. When you’ve got a head full of busyness it’s very hard to tune off and become still and present. You can still have pretty good sex, but it tends to be distracted, unconnected and therefore ultimately unsatisfying. So, during this time when most people have time off, focus on the peace, find the moments of quiet and tune into that. Then take that feeling into your lovemaking. It’s from that deep space that realness emerges and the sex can become whatever is real for you at the time, wild or tender or crazy as, whatever. The thing is that it’s real, it comes from within you, not some expectation or act imposed from outside. read more...
I had a good chat recently with a woman who loves to make love with her husband, she said that she never refuses her husband, that she always comes from a place of "Yes!".
Apparently her mother had drilled into her that it was the best way to stay happy and connected in a marriage, and it was good advice - regular, quality love-making definitely strengthens a relationship.
I had to agree, I too like to say "Yes!" to sex (and when I say ’sex’ I mean love-making not just intercourse, not even genital interaction) - and I'd love it if you could too and definitely not in a “just do it” kind of way. I want you to say “Yes!", not “Oh well, if I must” or “Ok, if you’ll shut up about it” or “Well, OK. I suppose you did vacuum the house…” read more...
I had a male client complain to me recently that after five years he still couldn’t get his girlfriend to want or enjoy sex. He said he’d tried everything - even anal sex and fisting, and she still wasn’t interested…
Oh boy, I think this guy was confusing sex with a porn shoot.
The poor girlfriend wasn’t frigid, she just wasn’t ready! Fortunately she was trusting her body and saying no, rather than going ahead and traumatizing herself. read more...
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s true. Think about how much more attractive your partner is when they’ve been away for a while. Maybe they’ve been to the gym and they come back alert and refreshed and with a healthy glow about them; or maybe they’ve been out catching up with friends and have come back glowing and full of tales to tell; maybe they’re studying at night school and come home elated and wanting to share their new knowledge.
When your partner has been apart from you, doing interesting things, they come back fresher, more vibrant and with a desirable energy. You can look at them and think to yourself: “Mmm, I like you” read more...
For people in long-term relationships, chilling out together is generally a prerequisite for good sex.
I always recommend that couples find some time, preferably every day, where you can just hang out and chill together. It only needs to be 15 minutes over a cup of tea or glass of wine when the kids have gone to bed, or similar. You can give each other a foot massage - anything conducive to time to chat in an easy, relaxed way.
When you’re in a good space like this it's also easier to raise the issue of whether you might move into some love-making that evening or not; and if you are open to the idea, what one or both of you might need to get there.
Clients have told me that this one small change to their relating – deciding that sex is no less sexy because it’s a little bit planned - has had a huge impact on their sense of connectedness and therefore on their sex lives. read more...
You might be in the mood…
…but by the time you’ve put the dishwasher on, put out the rubbish, checked on the kids, locked the house, brushed your teeth, got changed and hopped into bed… well, somehow the urge has disappeared.
How do you stay in the mood as you lead-up to sex?
Make the lead-up erotic!
What level of desire do each of you have to:
- Visit the in-laws
- Learn a foreign language for an overseas trip
- Go running in the morning
- Help the kids with their homework
- Plant a vegetable garden
- Renovate the bathroom
- Have sex?
There’s always a lower desire partner, and always a higher desire partner. Every couple has to come to terms with that basic difference and work with it. read more...
Once you've been practicing the basic exercises for a while, you should feel a change in your pelvis, feeling more present and connected to your genital region. This is a good thing.
Give your pelvic floor a squeeze now, notice how it connects you to your pelvic area. Breath into your belly and do some more squeezes, nice and relaxed.
Let’s look at some advanced pleasures;
- Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?
- Take Your Penis for a Walk!
- It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up
- Become a Sensual Explorer
- Q&A: My Wife Won't Pleasure Herself in Front of Me
- Subtle Shifts to Great Sex
- Q&A: My Husband Can't Keep an Erection, and He Smokes Lots of Marajuana
- Love in the Time of COVID-19
- Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Climax from Oral Sex and I'm Worried
- Meditate Your Way to Great Sex
- Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Like Kissing - what to do?
- Communing - deep intimate connection
- Q&A: We Want to Try a Threesome - how do we do it safely?
- On Being A Human in a Female Body
- Q&A: How Do We Connect After So Much Stress?
to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!