(This is copy of a blog I wrote five years ago, hence some of the historical references.)
Here I am sitting in the depths of the jungle in northern Thailand, spending some time at a permaculture farm. Last weekend I was studying spiritual healing. Over Easter I attended the Xplore festival on alternate sexuality. Three quite different experiences, but all united: the sexuality, the spirituality and the connection to the environment. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
Happy loving parents make for happy loving children, so it’s vital that as parents you make the time and space to be loving with each other. A lot of people seem to feel it’s all too hard when you have children, so they have infrequent sex, if any at all.
It doesn't have to be that way though, not if you train your children to know that Mummy and Daddy need “Cuddle Time”. read more...
I was honored once to give the reading at a friends’ wedding. They’d chosen a reading they liked, but wanted it ‘sexed up a bit’ - and who better to ask? Like most wedding readings it was beautiful and poetic and spoke all about love and commitment and sharing and respecting - all good and important aspects of marriage - but nothing about sex and intimacy. As my friends rightly said: “It’s our sexual connection that brought us together and it’s what makes our relationship unique - so we want that celebrated in our wedding ceremony too!”
So, in the reading, I pointed out that a marriage (or any long-term relationship) is like a tripod. It has three legs: friends, partners and lovers. When all three are strong, you have a strong relationship, when they’re wobbly or missing, so is your relationship. read more...
I’m back from running another gorgeous Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains last weekend. I’m feeling all loved up myself from being surrounded by couples celebrating their love and honouring their sexuality as an expression of that love. It really is such a wonderful experience that I want to tell you all the good reasons to attend.
I was going to write this myself, and then I received this feedback from one couple who attended - and so I figured that rather than me waxing lyrical about it, it’d be much better for you to hear from the participants themselves! read more...
A key to intimacy is expressing your feelings. Not your thoughts, your feelings: being able to share with your partner how you are feeling and being able to hear what he or she is sharing with you.
It's not an easy thing to do. More commonly people hold back out of fear of a negative reaction from their partner. So they end up playing this weird dance of trying to mind-read what the other wants and feels, and generally getting it wrong.
I'm always amazed at what happens when a couple is radically honesty with each other.
Let me share a couple of recent examples:
In one case, a young man told his wife that he didn’t find her sexually attractive and never really had. He had naturally felt he couldn’t tell her that for fear of insulting and upsetting her, but he was really finding it hard to have sex with her because of this feeling. read more...
This might sound obvious, of course you should love your partner. But do you really? And if you so, how do you express that love? Are you treating your partner like your lover? Or are you treating them as your spouse/co-parent/boss/subordinate/flat-mate/carer/dependant/provider/nurturer…?
There are only two true feelings in life: love and fear. All the negative emotions are essentially some expression of fear. Anger comes from fear: so if you are narky or nagging or irritated or down right furious with your partner, you are expressing fear. Oppression comes from fear; so if you are controlling your partner, or allowing yourself to be controlled by them, you are expressing fear. And boredom comes from fear; so if you are allowing yourself to become stuck in a rut and not seek enjoyment in life, then you are expressing fear. read more...
What is Tantra?
Essentially, it’s mindful sex. Or to be a little broader: mindful loving. Loving with presence and focus, fully engaged physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Mindful sex means that: read more...
It’s so hard when your partner has been unfaithful.
“How could this person I love, and who I thought loved me, do this to me? How can I possible get over it? Should I even try…?”
These are the thoughts that plague you. read more...
In the last post I wrote about consensual non-monogamy. It’s an option for some people and it can work. However, it’s not for everyone. Most people prefer to be at least primarily, if not exclusively, monogamous.
But for monogamy to work you need consensual non-monotony.
Yes, it’s a play on words, but it’s also an extremely important point. A couple can only have good on-going sex if they both agree to make it good.
As I’ve stressed so often, good sex doesn’t just ‘happen’, you have to work at it, and you both have to work at it as a joint project. Otherwise you get complacency and dreariness.
You both need to agree to ditch the monotony! read more...
- Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?
- Take Your Penis for a Walk!
- It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up
- Become a Sensual Explorer
- Q&A: My Wife Won't Pleasure Herself in Front of Me
- Subtle Shifts to Great Sex
- Q&A: My Husband Can't Keep an Erection, and He Smokes Lots of Marajuana
- Love in the Time of COVID-19
- Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Climax from Oral Sex and I'm Worried
- Meditate Your Way to Great Sex
- Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Like Kissing - what to do?
- Communing - deep intimate connection
- Q&A: We Want to Try a Threesome - how do we do it safely?
- On Being A Human in a Female Body
- Q&A: How Do We Connect After So Much Stress?
to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!