The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

Winter's a Time for Sexual Growth

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Well Winter has finally hit! Cold miserable rainy days that just make you want to curl up and snuggle in bed…Mmmm. Add a cup of hot chocolate and thou…

In Winter our energies focus inwards, like the seed that waits under the snow before it blooms in spring. So for we humans it’s a wonderful time to focus on our inner selves and allow time for gestating. read more...

Fill Up Your Self Love Tank

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 09, 2013

I'm a little embarrassed to say this, but a couple of weeks ago I was in an emergency ward with a suspected heart attack. Yes, me, the supposed expert on chilling out, taking it slow, enjoying life and love....Oops!

So what happened? After all, I do regular yoga, meditation, relaxation...or do I? read more...

The Cup of Tea Approach to Sexual Self-Coaching

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, February 25, 2013

The good old-fashioned cuppa. What a wonderful space it creates for sharing and openness. People have been bonding over cups of tea for millennia.

A cup of tea gives you a time-frame, something warm to hold, and a shared activity which creates your own ‘cone of science’ in which to talk and share.

That’s exactly the kind of space you need regularly in your relationship. A space where the two of you can relax and just ‘be’ together, with no agenda, no external pressures, just you and me, having a chat over a cup of tea.

Renegotiate Your Contract

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, February 11, 2013

When things get tough, couples tend to either:

  • Separate, generally accompanied by bitter and twisted feelings or
  • Put up with it and flat-line, living lives of quiet desperation.
It’s far better to go with option three:

Trust Means Being OK with Not Knowing

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, February 05, 2013

"How can I ever trust him/her again?” 

Client after client pleads this after discovering hurtful deceits by their beloveds. 
What they are really asking is: "How can I ever be 100% sure that my partner won't ever do this again?"

The honest answer is: you can't. In fact, you never could.

You can never be absolutely sure that your partner will never ever be deceitful or hurt you in some way. 

The very definition of ‘trust’ is ‘not knowing’. 

Observing Love

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, October 02, 2012

One of the great blessings of my work is that I observe love. Whether it’s couples in private sessions or couples in workshops, I observe, and feel, the expression of their love and desire for each other. It’s not something we see often in this society and it is a very beautiful, inspiring thing.

I’ve written about two small case studies in my blogs this past month: You Can Make Love With A Kiss and Be Nice - It Works. Small, beautiful, examples of how when a couple come together with openness, honesty and respect, that is, with love, they can connect deeply and express their love physically, emotionally, even spiritually, with deep feeling and with gorgeous eroticism.

I saw this over the past weekend in my women’s only retreat, Luscious Woman, in the Blue Mountains. It was the first retreat I’ve ever run, and it exceeded my expectations. It was, quite simply, beautiful. The beauty of the nature, the slowness of the pace, the space for personal reflection, allowed everyone to sink in to themselves, to find the peace and strength as women to trust and open to their partners (which I hear they did on their return home...)

Crafting the Balance

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, September 04, 2012

I’m a working mother of three, so life gets pretty busy! When you live a life like mine, you have to focus on balance. I'm constantly struggling with my mad innate urges to completely overcommit and take on too much (well, it is all so interesting and so necessary!). I, like many women out there, may be a super woman, but I am not Superwoman, and I have limits. There has to be a balance. And that balance has to be crafted.  read more...

The Beauty of Conflict

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 30, 2011

There are three important points to understand about conflict:

Communicate - Human's Can't Read Minds!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 23, 2011

There is nothing more fundamental to a good relationship, and therefore to a good sex life, than communication. 

It is absolutely, categorically, completely and utterly vital.

It would be nice to think that after years together you might have developed an “unspoken understanding” but don’t count on it. The number of times I’ve heard women complain about their husbands, and when I ask them: “Have you told him?”, the answer is along the lines of: “No/There’s no point/He should know” and so forth.

Unfortunately, it’s a sad fact but true - humans are not mind readers. You do actually have to speak to each other. And that also means listening to each other. And clarifying that this speaking and listening has in fact resulted in mutual understanding.

Communication is an art.

So practice.

Unconditional Love Requires Self-validation

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Do you love unconditionally, or are there conditions to your love? You might have some romantic illusion that your love is pure, but really, it probably comes with a lot of strings attached. “I will love you if you love me” is the most obvious. There there is: “I will love you if you are nice to me”, “I will love you if you share my values and beliefs”, “I will love you if you agree with me”, “I will love you if you validate me”.

You might think you love the other person, but are there these requirements that come along with it? Do you really love the other person for who they are and who they’ve become over your time together? Or do you love your version of who you’d like them to be, or who you’ve convinced yourself they are? Do they need to fit some image of who you think or want your partner to be?

What are these conditions based on? Generally fear. The inability to validate yourself creates a need to have the other validate you, to make you feel ok about yourself and your own values, beliefs and world view.

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