I was chatting with an attractive woman in her mid-40s at a party recently. She’d told me that after a brief disastrous marriage she hadn’t been able to successfully ‘do’ the relationship thing, as she put it, so she was fascinated to hear about my work and life.
After a while she got a puzzled look on her face and asked hesitantly: “Do you two talk about your sex life?”
“Why, yes, of course we do,” I replied. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
A clitoral orgasm is a very fine thing. It can leave you drained though.
If you approach clitoral orgasm like a male ejaculatory orgasm, then it becomes about a build-up of localised sensation leading to an explosive orgasm where you feel an outward burst of energy. Momentarily pleasurable, but often flat afterwards, and you’re generally not able to continue lovemaking afterwards (whether alone or with a partner). You feel kind of, well, done.
A far better way to approach clitoral orgasm is the slow build, allowing arousal to rise and fall, losing yourself in the pleasure of the sensation moment by moment. Then when the orgasm arrives, you open to it and fall into it. There is no tension, there is no grasping for the orgasm, and there is no sense of forcing it. It’s a welling up and releasing. And that releasing feels more than just genital, as though your whole body is washed with warmth and pleasure.
“Batten down the hatches! Prepare for penetration!!”
It’s not exactly how a woman wants to feel when in the throes of sexual pleasure.
For maximum pleasure we need to be accepting and welcoming, not tensing and preparing for combat. Yet the language we use around sex, encourages the latter not the former. read more...
Well guys, I’d be lying if I said size didn’t matter at all. The good news is that how you use it is much more important than how big it is. read more...
If you want to spice up your sex life, it’s got to be real. There’s no point faking it. That would be like putting fake spices into a curry - it might look good, but if it tastes terrible there’s no point. If you fake sexual pleasure you’re deceiving your partner and you’ll end up frustrated and resentful. read more...
Take a group of couples who love each other, put them in a beautiful environment with no distractions, teach them to connect more deeply, inspire them to explore and play, and what do you get…?
Well, as one man who attended my Bali retreat put it:
"I thought this retreat would expand our sex life, but it didn’t so much expand as turn our sex life upside down! I’m now seeing the world with a new, exciting, slightly bewildering light.” read more...
Have sex that is intimate - gentle, deep and tender:
Go ahead – stare into each others eyes while barely moving. Make love ever so slowly. Stroke every inch of your partner’s body. Whisper poetry in her ear. Visualise a bond of energy joining your hearts. Alternate four short strokes with one slow and long. Sigh and moan and quiver and shiver. Make blissful love!
Have sex that is erotic - wild, lusty and wicked:
Go ahead - bring out the handcuffs and tie yourselves up, tie yourselves down. Wear crotchless leather knickers and 10-inch stilettos. Talk dirty to each other. Drip candle wax on each other’s skin. Play slave and master. Take explicit photos of yourselves. Yell and groan and bite and growl. Let loose and fuck!
Have sex that is playful – exuberant, mischievous and outrageous:
Go ahead – dress up as a French maid and tickle him with your feather duster while he plays dead. Smear each other with strawberry jam and lick it off. Pour champagne over yourselves. Stop the car and have sex on the side of the road. Do it by an open window where you might be seen or heard. Be silly, giggle and fall down laughing. Have a good bonk!
And, of course, you can make love and fuck and bonk all in the same bout of love-making. It’s all possible. All of it.
A professional ballroom and Latin dancer told me this the other day. I was curious as to how the man, who is leading the dance, could instruct the woman, who is following, how to do all the fancy bits. read more...
Have you ever tried having sex without any intention to orgasm? Without even moving?
Try it, in fact try it regularly – just lie together, penis inside vagina, and do nothing.
Not much to it really. read more...
So can I make this very clear?
SEX MUST NOT HURT! NOT EVER!
If it does hurt, change what you’re doing.
Just to be even clearer. I’m not talking about consensual pain, which some people like and are perfectly entitled to like. I’m not talking about what for some people is a turn on. read more...
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