The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

‘Invitation’ not ‘Penetration’

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, September 18, 2015

“Batten down the hatches! Prepare for penetration!!”

It’s not exactly how a woman wants to feel when in the throes of sexual pleasure.

For maximum pleasure we need to be accepting and welcoming, not tensing and preparing for combat. Yet the language we use around sex, encourages the latter not the former.  read more...

Does Size Really Matter?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Well guys, I’d be lying if I said size didn’t matter at all. The good news is that how you use it is much more important than how big it is. read more...

Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 14, 2015

If you want to spice up your sex life, it’s got to be real. There’s no point faking it. That would be like putting fake spices into a curry - it might look good, but if it tastes terrible there’s no point. If you fake sexual pleasure you’re deceiving your partner and you’ll end up frustrated and resentful. read more...

Turning Sex Lives Upside-Down - It’s My Life’s Work!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Take a group of couples who love each other, put them in a beautiful environment with no distractions, teach them to connect more deeply, inspire them to explore and play, and what do you get…?

Well, as one man who attended my Bali retreat put it:

"I thought this retreat would expand our sex life, but it didn’t so much expand as turn our sex life upside down! I’m now seeing the world with a new, exciting, slightly bewildering light.” read more...

What’s Your Eroticism - Intimate, Wild, Fun?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Have sex that is intimate - gentle, deep and tender:

Go ahead – stare into each others eyes while barely moving. Make love ever so slowly. Stroke every inch of your partner’s body. Whisper poetry in her ear. Visualise a bond of energy joining your hearts. Alternate four short strokes with one slow and long. Sigh and moan and quiver and shiver. Make blissful love!

Have sex that is erotic - wild, lusty and wicked:
Go ahead - bring out the handcuffs and tie yourselves up, tie yourselves down. Wear crotchless leather knickers and 10-inch stilettos. Talk dirty to each other. Drip candle wax on each other’s skin. Play slave and master. Take explicit photos of yourselves. Yell and groan and bite and growl. Let loose and fuck!

Have sex that is playful – exuberant, mischievous and outrageous:
Go ahead – dress up as a French maid and tickle him with your feather duster while he plays dead. Smear each other with strawberry jam and lick it off. Pour champagne over yourselves. Stop the car and have sex on the side of the road. Do it by an open window where you might be seen or heard. Be silly, giggle and fall down laughing. Have a good bonk!

And, of course, you can make love and fuck and bonk all in the same bout of love-making. It’s all possible. All of it.

The Man Leads, the Woman Embellishes

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, January 06, 2015

A professional ballroom and Latin dancer told me this the other day. I was curious as to how the man, who is leading the dance, could instruct the woman, who is following, how to do all the fancy bits. read more...

Plugging In - Sex Without Movement

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Have you ever tried having sex without any intention to orgasm? Without even moving?

Try it, in fact try it regularly – just lie together, penis inside vagina, and do nothing.

That’s it.

Not much to it really.

If Sex Hurts, Change What You’re Doing

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Can I make this very clear?


If it does hurt, change what you’re doing.

Just to be even clearer. I’m not talking about consensual pain, which some people like and are perfectly entitled to like. I’m not talking about what for some people is a turn on.  read more...

Some Words for the Lower Desire Partner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Whether you feel bad about it or good about it, if you’re the lower desire partner (LDP) you have a major impact on how often and how well the two of you have sex. I get at least as many heterosexual couples where the man has the lower level of desire as the woman, so it’s not just “a problem that women have” and in same-sex couples there's always a difference too.

Planning for Pleasure

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, December 03, 2013

If you want a good night out, do you tend to plan it in advance or decide on the spur of the moment? If you’re playing sport, do you have your trainings and matches planned in advance, or do you just play whenever the whim takes you (and hope that everyone else involved is interested and available too)?

I imagine you’d say in both cases that you plan in advance, that you schedule those enjoyable activities.

So why not schedule sex?

.. 2 3 4 5 6

lovelife rss feed Subscribe to the Blog Feed

Listen to the audio version - the LoveLife Podcast!


Recent Posts


Earlier Posts



to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!

For more great sex advice -
read my books!