The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

Explore Your Fantasies

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, November 18, 2014


What would you like to do sexually if you were brave enough to do it?

And, let’s be honest here, what would you like to do if you could be sure that it would be a wonderful experience and couldn’t possibly go terribly wrong? read more...

Dress-Ups! How to have fun with role-play.

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, November 04, 2014

I was asked these questions recently for a women’s magazine: read more...

Consensual Non-Monogamy

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, October 14, 2014

I’ve written elsewhere about how humans are not necessarily naturally monogamous, and that’s it’s a social norm rather than a biological imperative.

It’s a very strong social norm, and anyone who goes against that norm risks pretty severe social disapproval, particularly if it’s done in a deceitful way. Unfortunately most non-monogamy is deceitful, one party has an affair, or several, and when the other finds out it can be ruinous for the relationship. I am completely against non-consensual non-monogamy, ie cheating on your partner.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other though, monogamy or cheating. If monogamy works for you, great, if not, there are more options than being unfaithful to your partner in a deceitful way.

It is possible to be non-monogamous – with consent. That’s the difference, it has to be consensual. When a couple both agree to be non-monogamous and continually assess the situation and their own rules and boundaries, then it can be a successful approach to living and loving. read more...

Languid 69

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, September 30, 2014


Regular 69 can be pretty challenging, receiving and giving focused pleasure at the same time - aargh!

And if you’re still stuck in the belief that genital stimulation has to lead to orgasm, it's even worse - how can you orgasm when you’re distracted with giving the pleasure, or vice versa??

I’m more an exponent of Languid 69.

Spice Alone Tastes Terrible...

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 08, 2014

…you have to add it to something that’s already good.

I mean, put a teaspoon of saffron or chilli into your mouth, chew some cinnamon sticks or crunch on some dried juniper berries, and it will be a pretty unimpressive gustatory experience. It might even be nauseatingly awful.

Add those same spices to a curry, a stew, a cake, and it can transform the good into the exceptionally sublime.

It’s the same with sex.

Fetishes are Fine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Most of us have fetishes of some kind or another. If you’re lucky, they’re socially acceptable, and not even considered fetishes - such as if you’re a woman who gets turned on wearing lace knickers or stiletto shoes; but if your fetishes are not socially acceptable - such as if you’re a man who gets turned on wearing lace knickers or stiletto shoes, well, then you’ve got problems. For example, in our society in general:

Positive Messages in 50 Shades of Grey

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 31, 2012

30 million copies of 50 Shades of Grey sold and counting..... Leaving commentators bemused: why so popular?.
It's obviously not high literature, but then again, it's not trying to be, it’s just a good romance.

But 30 million copies…

… there’s got to be something special…

Playing with Pleasure and Pain

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Playing along the borders of pleasure and pain can add delectable spice to your love life - although the thought of it can be pretty confusing and scary.

So let me explain.
We all have pain thresholds, and the area around that threshold can be exquisitely delightful - if approached in a safe and relaxed manner.  read more...

Tantric Kink

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I love tantra and I love kink. The two combined are what I call Sensual Kink, and I don't think it gets much better than that. So with the current interest in kink that's been generated by the overwhelming popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, I thought I might share my thoughts.

To me, Tantra and Kink are at one of the end spectrum; and the alcohol-fueled model of sex, along with porn and raunch culture, are at the other. The former are about depth and connection, resulting in ecstatic states and altered consciousness; and the latter is about superficiality and performance-style sexuality that has little if any positive outcome from what I can see. read more...

Three Good Reasons To Read Erotica

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I've been doing a lot of media interviews lately where the topic of erotic literature comes up, due to the current success of Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm asked whether it's good for people's sex lives.

 Absolutely! I reply.

 This is for three reasons:

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