The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

Learning Tantra in Paradise

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I have just had one of the most amazing experiences of my life - running the first ever five-day Luscious Lovers Retreat in Bali!

It’s hard to describe how wonderful it has been to spend that amount of time with ten couples all committed to deepening their connection and creating more beautiful and gorgeous sexual relating.


Love is all so there’s no need to fear the dark

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Love is all so there’s no need to fear the dark. You have to balance the light and the dark, not fear it.

You have to balance the masculine and feminine, not deny one nor enhance the other.

Love is all, it has no opposite. The only opposite is when we deny the love, when we block it out, when we feel alone.

Feel the love and there is no fear. So all can be encompassed and the balance allowed.

Winter's a Time for Sexual Growth

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Well Winter has finally hit! Cold miserable rainy days that just make you want to curl up and snuggle in bed…Mmmm. Add a cup of hot chocolate and thou…

In Winter our energies focus inwards, like the seed that waits under the snow before it blooms in spring. So for we humans it’s a wonderful time to focus on our inner selves and allow time for gestating. read more...

Meditate Your Way to Great Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 11, 2013

 Photo by theformfitness from Pexels

To have great sex you need to be able to switch off and focus at the same time: switch off from the rest of the world and focus on what's happening right here and right now. You need to be able to lose yourself into the experience.

One of the main reasons I hear that people have trouble getting in to sex or getting around to sex is that they can't switch off and become present to the connection, so clearly this is a skill that modern people are in need of.

 Even if you are having decent sex, improving your ability to let go and be present in the experience will make the sex better and better.

So how to learn that skill? Learn to meditate! The better you get at meditating, the easier it is for you to sink in to sex.

It’s that ability to ‘sink in’ to yourself, that deep, calm feeling that’s so good for sex. This is especially so for long-term partners, where the “va-va-voom let’s-go-for-it-baby” introduction, that you might have had in the early days, has waned. Well, let’s face it, when you’ve been cleaning the house, putting the kids to bed, catching up on emails, watching the late news…it’s not exactly va-va-voom material is it?

My Ejaculation Opens the Door to Deeper Orgasm

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 28, 2013

 Photo by Collis from Pexels

In the Tantric and Taosit traditions it's often recommended that men should abstain from ejaculating, which is a challenging concept for modern men!

I believe it’s not about you should or shouldn’t, but how you orgasm. So here are some thoughts from a man who practices mindful love-making, and agrees with me that it's not what you do but how you do it.   read more...

To Come or Not To Come

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 07, 2013

 Photo by Mahrael Boutros from Pexels

One of the main differences between 'standard' modern sexual practices and the more alternative, spiritual sexual practices is the attitude to orgasm.

In the mainstream, orgasm is generally considered a highly desirable, usually necessary, part of sex, and generally the bigger the better and the more the merrier.

In the Tantric/Taoist approaches there is a strong emphasis on not having an orgasm. Which to many modern Westerners seems crazy, especially for those who think the whole point of sex is orgasm. read more...

Beyond Orgasm

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, March 26, 2013


Teaching Sex Therapists Tantra

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, October 08, 2012

I ran a pre-conference workshop at the Australian Society of Sex Educators, Researchers and Therapists (now known as Society of Australian Sexologists) on incorporating Tantra into Sex Therapy. read more...

Tantric Kink

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I love tantra and I love kink. The two combined are what I call Sensual Kink, and I don't think it gets much better than that. So with the current interest in kink that's been generated by the overwhelming popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, I thought I might share my thoughts.

To me, Tantra and Kink are at one of the end spectrum; and the alcohol-fueled model of sex, along with porn and raunch culture, are at the other. The former are about depth and connection, resulting in ecstatic states and altered consciousness; and the latter is about superficiality and performance-style sexuality that has little if any positive outcome from what I can see. read more...

The Tantric Quickie

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, March 20, 2012

There’s a misbelief that Tantra takes a long time, that it requires hours of sensual, ecstatic pleasuring. It can be, but it can also be quick.

Tantric sex is not about the amount of time that it takes, it’s about the presence that it’s done with. When two people come together with mindfulness, when they are completely present with every movement, when their love-making is a flowing dance - it doesn’t matter if it’s a gentle snuggle under the sheets late at night or early morning, or if it’s a rough and vigorous ravishing, or indeed hours of sensuality, it’s the dance and flow of connected energy between the parties. (This applies just as much to solo sex and group sex.) read more...

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