The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

The Tantric Quickie

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, March 20, 2012

There’s a misbelief that Tantra takes a long time, that it requires hours of sensual, ecstatic pleasuring. It can be, but it can also be quick.

Tantric sex is not about the amount of time that it takes, it’s about the presence that it’s done with. When two people come together with mindfulness, when they are completely present with every movement, when their love-making is a flowing dance - it doesn’t matter if it’s a gentle snuggle under the sheets late at night or early morning, or if it’s a rough and vigorous ravishing, or indeed hours of sensuality, it’s the dance and flow of connected energy between the parties. (This applies just as much to solo sex and group sex.) read more...

The World is Waking to Conscious Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, January 16, 2012

2012 has long been declared the year of change, some seeing it as the end of the world, and others as the end of our old, limited ways of thinking. I’m sure it’s the latter.

I’ve spent my whole life exploring spirituality and consciousness (of which, you well know, I believe sexuality to be an important component). I used to have to do it almost in secret and was considered odd if anyone knew about it. In my undergraduate science degree I was scoffed at by the lecturers, yet now I’m constantly reading books byscientists and academics on spirituality and science, and the unfolding knowledge around consciousness is so exciting, really bringing together ancient wisdom with modern scientific knowledge.

Try A Little Tenderness

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, December 05, 2011

So much of my work revolves around enabling people to come together with real intimacy. I’m blessed to be able to see this in private sessions in the workshops and retreats that I run. Seeing couples sharing their love and intimacy so beautifully is an awe-inspiring experience, but it’s also sadly rare in our society.

Breathe Well: Live & Love Well

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Breathing (like sex) is one of things we do in life that is considered ‘natural’ and so we believe it should function automatically without any attention or conscious effort on our part.

However, without this attention, breathing (like sex) generally worsens over time, becoming less effective and therefore less supportive to your health and wellbeing.

When we are little babies, we naturally breathe deep into our torsos, down into our bellies. When a baby is lying on its back you can see it’s little tummy going up and down as it breathes in and out. As we get older though, our breathing tends to get shallower and shallower. With some people their breathing gets so shallow that they are barely breathing lower than their shoulders, barely using their lungs at all. For the great majority of people the breath doesn’t get much lower than that, just the upper chest is used to breathe.

Take a moment to observe how deeply into your torso you breathe. Is it the upper chest, the full diaphragm? Or is your breath going deep into your belly, so you can see your abdomen rising with the in breath and falling with the out breath?

The more shallowly you breathe, the more anxious you feel, and vice versa.

Breathing into your belly has so many benefits:

Teaching Tantra in Thailand

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I ran a Tantra workshop last night, here on a permaculture farm in northern Thailand.

It was magical. The fact that the lights blew just as we started and we had to rely on candles added to the magic.

Twenty of us sat in a circle, alternating men and women, in the open-aired pagola which is the hub of the farm. The night was still and the candles cast a soft flickering light around the group. read more...

The Core of Tantra: Real Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, January 31, 2011

I’m going to share a little about myself here, to give you some insight into why and how I work the way I do.

A number of years ago I realised that my experience of sex was very different to most people’s. Extended sessions of love-making, multiple (or should I say endless) orgasms, ecstatic states of altered consciousness were the norm, even with small children and babies, years into a relationship.

At first I thought it was something special about my husband and I, but after our marriage ended I discovered that, nope, it was me. I went through what I call my ‘research’ period, investigating sex with a range of different partners and the response was pretty similar: “Wow, that was different”, “You really like sex don’t you”, “You need to teach this to people!” read more...

Fire and Water: The Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The masculine sexual energy is like fire: it comes on quickly, burns brightly and extinguishes quickly.

The feminine sexual energy is like water: it’s slow to heat up, but once it’s boiling it will boil and boil and boil and boil…

So if we divide sex into two phases, desire and response, then the masculine has more energy in the desire phase and the feminine has more energy in the response phase.

This is why men generally tend to have a stronger libido, and why women have a greater range and intensity of arousal and orgasmic response.

Valuing the Masculine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 10, 2010

We undervalue the feminine principle in our society and I believe we get the masculine principle just as wrong.

Since we’ve had a few thousand years of not valuing the feminine, in place we’ve had an unnatural, overly arrogant masculine - a masculine principle that is more defined by the ability to dominate and control than one that is defined by true strength and openness.

Valuing the Feminine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 03, 2010

I believe we strongly undervalue the feminine in this society. It’s a theme I deal with over and over again. Yes, we had women’s liberation in the 70s, and that was a great thing, which has led to a definite improvement in the status of women.

So far so good.

But to achieve that status women had to prove that they could be like men, which they did. That’s fine, but that only showed that women could be masculine and meet masculine values. It didn’t raise the value of the feminine. Which is why several decades on women have to be like men to succeed in society, that is to say, to embody the masculine. read more...

Raise Your Sexual Energy

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Believe it or not, I’m sitting at an outdoor bar, mocktail at hand, overlooking a beach fringed with palm trees in Vietnam. It’s pretty special.  Last week I attended a Spiritual Retreat here. While it wasn’t specifically sexual in nature, you can’t separate sex and spirituality.

A key element of spiritual work, and of the Retreat, is raising your energy. You do this through meditation and mindfulness. But it’s not what we often consider meditation, which is a slowing of energy, a deep relaxation. That’s wonderful and good, but it’s different to raising the energy. When you go into meditation with the intent to raise your energy, you go places. You feel lighter, spin faster. You get messages and have visions. It is an altered consciousness. read more...

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