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The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
A friend asked me recently what my Top Ten Tips for a vagina would be. “Good question!” I thought. So many women feel disconnected from their genitals, and don’t have a good feeling about them. We don’t even have a decent word for them, often using the word “vagina” to apply to the whole genital area. So here I use the word “vagina” to apply to just the vagina, and as to the whole of the genitals? Well, read on!
2. Name It. For such an awesome part of the body, it’s incredible that we don’t have a decent name, other than “genitals”, which is a pretty ugly word. Even in casual talk there are not a lot of strong gorgeous names. We often refer to our “bits”, “down there”, “private parts” or “nether regions”. It’s hard to relate to an area of your body that you can’t even name! So give it a name: it’s my fanny or my quim, my yoni,... read more
Making love to yourself is a wonderful experience. It gets you in touch with your body, more confident in your sexuality, it makes you more orgasmic, floods your body with happy hormones, and generally makes you happier and healthier!
I call it self-pleasuring, which is a far more appealing and indulgent term than the clinical, and somehow ‘wrong’ sounding term of ‘masturbation’.
Solo sex is different to partnered sex. It’s not worse than partnered sex, or less than partnered sex - what you do when you can’t get the ‘real thing’ - it’s just different
It is still sex, at least the type of sex that I promote, that is, it’s about pleasure not just the quickest route to orgasm - so treat it like sex and actually make love to yourself.
First, set the scene. You want to be in a luscious environment, with gorgeous music, soft lighting, lots of pillows stacked behind you so that you’re reclining rather than flat on your back.
You might like to have a bath first to relax yourself - maybe ready some erotica as you bathe. Or read some erotica as preparation while you eat a few delectable... read more
I’m often asked questions like this one I received through Women’s Health Magazine:
My boyfriend wants to watch porn with me, and I have nothing against porn, but I haven't found any that turns me on – the women tend to be all fake-tanned and fake-nailed, and the sex is so staged. Can you make any recommendations on porn that appeals to both men and women?
And my response to enquiries like this tends to be along the lines of:
Porn doesn't do it for everyone. Those close-ups of genitals, ham acting, no plot - for many people that's a "turn me off, baby"! While many people
find porn to be a short-cut to rapid arousal, others find it short-circuits arousal and turns them cold.
If you're in the latter group, it's better to find your erotic turn-ons elsewhere: in books, movies, food, poetry, clothing, music - create experiences that really turn you on, from the inside out. Seek seduction, not sleaze; pleasure, not porn; sensuality not superficiality; fun, not fake.
If you and your boyfriend look for real connection and deep eroticism you’ll be enjoying yourselves, lost in sensation, way more than you ever could... read more
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