The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#85: Advice from Japanese Grandmothers on How to Be Beautiful

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, November 11, 2013

I’m not sure where I found this, but it’s wonderful advice. It’s pretty much the approach I’ve always followed, and I look pretty good for my age!

  • Drink pure water.
  • Breathe good air deeply.
  • Live in a clean house.
  • Good skin comes from a clean body, so make sure to eat foods that purify the body.
  • Eat a wide variety of simple foods.
  • Sleep at least eight hours a night, and go to bed before 11pm.
  • Enjoy nature.
  • Stay tranquil and calm, by keeping a relaxed mind.
  • By the age of 40, the mind is visible on the face. So improve your outlook and you will improve your face.
  • Don’t sit around worrying.
  • Control your desires: don’t always want what you can’t have. This unsatisfied-yearning makes a woman ugly.
  • Don’t complain, don’t be envious, don’t be irritated. Your health will deteriorate and your skin will look terrible.
  • Enjoy lovemaking. You will have glowing shiny skin and a relaxed face.
  • Accept your age and the changes in your beauty. A beautiful old person is beautiful because their mind and spirit are wise and graceful.
All great advice!

... read more

#56: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - Advanced

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, July 09, 2012

Once you've been practicing the basic exercises for a while, you should feel a change in your pelvis, feeling more present and connected to your genital region. This is a good thing.

Give your pelvic floor a squeeze now, notice how it connects you to your pelvic area. Breath into your belly and do some more squeezes, nice and relaxed.

Let’s look at some advanced pleasures;

Connect with your Pelvis
 The first advanced pleasure is simply that - to connect with your pelvis. So many people are disconnected from their pelvises. Increasing the connection will help men last longer and men and women to have better orgasms.

Recharge Yourself
 You can also use your pelvic floor to draw energy up your body, to recharge yourself. Visualise an energy centre in your pelvis. It could be a flame, a cloud of electricity, a pulsing gem, whatever comes to mind. Then as you squeeze and relax, keeping your breath low and calm, imagine that with the squeezes you are drawing energy up your body, either up your spine or up your middle.

Please note that if you’re doing a lot of energy raising in this way, it’s important that you also lower and centre the energy at the end of... read more

#55: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - The Basics

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, June 25, 2012

Can you use your pelvic floor to draw up energy and recharge yourself?
Can you have sustained orgasms?
Men, can you use your muscles to help you last longer?
If not, can I suggest you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles?

What are The Pelvic Floor Muscles?

The pelvic floor is a band of muscle that goes from the pubic bone at the front to the tailbone at the back and to the bones of the upper thighs on either side. It’s a girdle of muscle that holds all the pelvic organs in place, with just a few holes for the various tubes to come through.

Benefits of Toned Muscles

Like any muscle, if it’s toned it’s stronger and more effective than if it’s not toned.

Since having toned pelvic floor muscles means:
  • Heightened awareness of and connection to your pelvic region and genitals
  • Better sexual response in terms of awareness of sensations
  • More pleasure for your partner (she can massage him, he can last longer)
  • Better orgasms with greater sensation and longer length
  • Continued good sex as you get older
  • Her vagina won’t fall... read more

#52: Tools for Self-Validation from a Luscious Woman

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, May 21, 2012

A graduate of one of my Luscious Woman Workshops wrote to me and said that intellectually she understood the concept of self-validation, but wasn’t able to make it real until she attended my workshop.

She wrote:

“For me, self-validation has required putting into practice things you advocated in Luscious Woman:

  • Getting out of my head and into my body - exercise, massage, masturbation and other self-pleasuring – because feeling loved helps in believing you are worthy of (your own and others’) love;

  • Meditation and other contemplative/spiritual practices that are about being gentle, kind and non-judgmental;

  • Using those kind, gentle non-judgmental techniques to re-train my inner harsh critic. This harsh critic is my well-meaning but badly trained best friend. She thinks she tells me what I need to know to protect myself, so if she says the worst things to me, before anyone else does, that somehow or another I'll have steeled myself for the worst from other people. Greeting that inner critic as a loved friend, not the enemy, thanking her for the fierceness and strength of her concern, has gone a long way for me in quieting her down.

  • The other technique has been to acknowledge and... read more

#51: How to Master the Art of Vaginal Stimulation

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, April 23, 2012

Once you’ve navigated your partner’s vagina and got to know the G, A and Ohh Spots a little better let’s look at how you can stimulate all those good spots for maximum effect.

 Before you get anywhere near her genitals though, make sure your partner is well and truly aroused and wanting your fingers to enter.

Remember, it’s about invitation not penetration!

The G-Spot:

Insert a finger, run it along the corrugated ridge that’s her urethral sponge until you get to the end, hook your finger on the edge and pull back towards her vaginal opening. A tickling type movement might be enough or you may need to be quite firm. Try it with one finger initially and then try it with two, either pulling with both fingers together, or waggling your fingers so they alternate stroking that point. You can also try rubbing around or stroking across the spot.

She may find the sensation unpleasant initially, with an urge to pee, in which case ask her to relax and have a sense of pushing out with her vaginal muscles. Build up to this though, try a few pulls then relax, a few more. Don’t expect her to love it in the first session, or even the first few sessions. It might even be that she’ll never... read more

#50: Discover the G, A and Ohhhh-Spots

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, April 16, 2012

You might not be quite sure where it is, but you’ve probably heard of the G-spot.

Are you aware that there are other “spots” in the vagina too?    

It’s good to know the geography of your own or your partner’s vagina - there are some good spots in there!

The G-spot is the one that gets all the press these days, there are whole books written about it. To be honest though, it’s not the favourite part of my vagina. It’s good, but for me the O-spot is better, and the A-spot is best of all!

So where are these spots?

Ok, let’s start with some basic navigation of the vagina. Start with you or your partner lying on your back. Then insert your middle finger into the vagina. You’ll notice that on the tummy side of the vagina it feels like there is a corrugated ridge running from the entrance back into the vagina along the front wall. This is the urethral sponge, the engorging material that surrounds the urethra. As a woman becomes more aroused the urethral sponge engorges with blood and protrudes further into the vagina.

From now on, unless you’re very flexible, I’ll give the instructions for the person who’s inserting their finger... read more

#46: Feminine Receptivity and the Go-Getter Kind of Gal

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, February 20, 2012

I was asked recently to comment on the view that too many women in the West are too actively doing things to be able to attract a man, that “if you have a feminine core, your natural essence isn't to pursue, but to be pursued.” The implication in the question was that if you’re out there and active in the world, then you're not 'feminine'.

Completely wrong! There is no contradiction in being feminine and active in the world. That's the patriarchy dressed-up in New Age bullshit. Being in your feminine means to be soft on the outside and strong on the inside, allowing your inner feminine strength to radiate out. Women who are aligned like this are strong, and they do achieve in the world. They don’t necessarily achieve in an aggressive, win-at-all costs kind of way (although there is always a place for stridency), the approach may well be more organic, more “flowing” (as in fact it is for balanced men too).

Importantly, a woman aligned with her feminine doesn’t need to “do” anything to catch a man, rather she allows him to prove himself. A woman who is truly in her feminine knows her value and worth, she’s no eager beaver desperate for any man to like her, or a conniving fox playing... read more

#37: A Woman's Body Opens In Stages

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, August 15, 2011

One of the main reasons women don’t reach their orgasmic potential, and why men miss out on the pleasure of their woman reaching that level, is that they go too far too soon.

A woman’s body opens up in stages. If you rush the process, she won’t be able to get there. If you kiss her before she’s ready, she won’t like it. If you touch her breasts before she’s ready she’ll be repulsed and feel like you’re groping her. If you get genital before she’s ready it will feel unpleasant, even painful, and if you enter her before she’s ready she’ll feel used/abused/bored/in pain/contemptuous, or any number of negative emotions far from the ecstatic pleasure that her man is hoping for.

Women do not have an on/off button. The clitoris is not for turning a woman on, she has to be aroused before you get genital with her. A woman needs to progress in stages.

Firstly, you need to have a good connection, be getting on well, with her feeling relaxed and enjoying her man’s company.

Then you can kiss her, if her head and mouth are moving towards you.

If the kiss is doing its work, her breasts will rise and move towards you. That’s the sign she... read more

#24: Fire and Water: The Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, December 27, 2010

The masculine sexual energy is like fire: it comes on quickly, burns brightly and extinguishes quickly.

The feminine sexual energy is like water: it’s slow to heat up, but once it’s boiling it will boil and boil and boil and boil…

So if we divide sex into two phases, desire and response, then the masculine has more energy in the desire phase and the feminine has more energy in the response phase.

 This is why men generally tend to have a stronger libido, and why women have a greater range and intensity of arousal and orgasmic response.

Ideally in the sexual act, the man will use his fire energy to heat up the woman’s water energy. She’ll reach heights of arousal and ecstasy that will make him feel absolutely fantastic because he’s the one who got her there. He’ll probably have an orgasm too, but his satisfaction is ultimately in the pleasure he’s given her. The release of all her sexual energy satisfies and nourishes him completely. In this way the sexual circuit is complete and sex is a wonderfully fulfilling, healing, liberating and bonding experience for both of them.

We do have both masculine and feminine energies within us and a well-rounded person will have a reasonably good balance within them. There are also... read more

#23: High Libido Women Keep Themselves Simmering

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, December 13, 2010

While men's sexual energy tends to be like fire, it comes on quickly, burns brightly and extinguishes quickly, women's sexual energy tends to be like water: it takes longer to warm up, but once it’s hot it will boil and boil and boil…

The warmer a woman’s 'water' energy is, the more open and ready she is for sex. If she enters the sex act with icy cold-water energy, even frozen, then it’s going to take an awful lot of work to warm it up. She’ll either be averse to having sex or it will take so long to heat her up that one or both of them will give up before she gets anywhere, or she'll engage even though sh'es not ready and won't enjoy the experience.

So the common scenario of a busy modern couple, hard at work all day, occupied with kids/housework/work brought home/etc in the evening and/or vegetating in front of the TV for hours watching people being murdered and cut up on mortuary tables, getting into bed late at night and then thinking about sex…. Well, it’s not surprising that she’s not interested; her water energy is stone cold. (In fact, this scenario also causes many men to be unable to ignite their fire energy, but that’s another story.)

My... read more

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