Sex advice, sex tips and relationship advice

#286: Meditate Your Way to Great Sex

Published Saturday, March 07, 2020

 Photo by theformfitness from Pexels

To have great sex you need to be able to switch off and focus at the same time: switch off from the rest of the world and focus on what's happening right here and right now. You need to be able to lose yourself into the experience.

One of the main reasons I hear that people have trouble getting into sex or getting around to sex is that they can't switch off and become present to the connection, so clearly this is a skill that modern people need. Even if you are having decent sex, improving your ability to let go and be present in the experience will make the sex better and better.

So how to learn that skill? Learn to meditate! The better you get at meditating, the easier it is for you to sink in to sex.

It’s that ability to ‘sink in’ to yourself, that deep, calm feeling that’s so good for sex. This is especially so for long-term partners, where the 'va-va-voom let’s-go-for-it-baby' approach, that you might have had in the early days, has waned. Well, let’s face it, when you’ve been cleaning the house, putting the kids to bed, catching up on emails, watching the late news…it’s not exactly va-va-voom material is it?

To connect well sexually in a long-term relationship, you need to be able to ‘sink in’ to sex rather than jump in passionately. There are external and internal elements to this. I’ve written a lot about having a lovely bedroom, a boudoir, so that your surroundings can help get you in the mood. That’s the external aspects of getting in the mood. On the internal side, it’s about being able to sink in and let go. A regular meditation practice helps with this.

Meditating is so simple: all you need to do is sit quietly for five to 20 minutes. Play some music that relaxes you, sit comfortably in a chair or on a meditation cushion, and focus on your breath. That’s all. Simple, but not so easy. You’ll find your mind wanders. A lot. That’s fine, that’s what our minds do. When it wanders simply notice that it is wandering and bring your focus back to your breath. Over time you’ll find that it wanders less and you’ll feel a ‘sinking in’ feeling more easily. Find a meditation class or group to help get you started.

With practice you’ll find that this really helps with sex. Augment it with many other connecting activities such as a bath, a massage, a cup of tea or glass of wine, a walk after dinner, or whatever is your unique way of transitioning from life to sex, and you’ll find that sex becomes easier and easier and more and more delicious!

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#285: Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Like Kissing - what to do?

Published Saturday, February 29, 2020

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#285: Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Like Kissing - what to do?

Published Saturday, February 29, 2020


From my column in Body+Soul

Question
: My husband of 10 years and I have recently started seeing a marriage counsellor, and I feel like she’s on his side, and our sex life is ruined because of it. Why? Because my husband doesn’t like to kiss deeply, and the counsellor says he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to. Kissing has always been a point of contention in our relationship, because I love a good, deep kiss and it seems to me like a cornerstone in sexual intimacy. But now he’s flat-out refusing, and is very smug about it. We started seeing a counsellor because we had drifted apart. Is this the final straw to make me end our marriage completely?

Answer: This is why you should always see a couples therapist who is trained in sexuality as well as relationships. This situation is far more complex than ‘he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to’. Can you imagine going to a dietitian because your health was bad, in part because you don’t eat vegetables and being told by the dietitian that you don’t have to eat vegetables if you don’t want to? That would be absurd! We know that vegetables are an essential part of a good diet and no authority on the subject would tell someone they don’t have to eat them simply because they don’t like them. Quite the opposite, the dietitian would explain why vegetables are so important to good health and investigate why you don’t like vegetables and discuss ways that vegetables could be made more appealing.

So, I am going to be your ‘dietitian’ of love, because kissing is like the ‘vegetables’ of intimacy. Without kissing your relationship is lacking essential ‘nutrients’. Research has shown that couples who kiss frequently have better relationship satisfaction, less stress and lower cholesterol.

I see so many couples who aren’t having sex, or only having disconnected, unsatisfying sex, and inevitably they are also not kissing. Kissing, like other forms of gentle, sensual touch, is the link between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy. It is very difficult to go from day to day living to sexual intimacy without this intermediary stage. Kissing allows your body to relax and soften and from that arousal is possible.

But what is kissing? There is of course a whole range of ways in which we can kiss, from a brief peck to a long pash. A kiss can be lips closed, slightly open, tip of the tongue, whole tongue, wide open mouth. It can be done for a moment or for hours (or what seems like hours). A kiss can be done with no emotion or with overflowing emotion, disengaged or totally engaged.

So how do you each like to kiss? And in what circumstances? You say you like deep kissing and your husband doesn’t, but you don’t say how he likes to kiss and how you feel about it. This is where the conversation needs to be. It’s not about whether one has to succumb to the other’s desire or not, it’s about understanding meaning. You need to understand each other’s feelings around kissing. Why do you like deep kissing? Why doesn’t your husband? What does it mean for him, what is his experience of deep kissing, what needs to be different for him?

Once you discuss intimacy at this level of detail you will gain the information you need as a couple to co-create mutually desirable intimacy. It could be that he came from an emotionally distant family and finds kissing awkward, so needs to learn how to approach and enjoy. Maybe you come in too quickly, so he recoils rather than moving towards, in which case you need to practice an approach and a pace that makes him feel comfortable and engaged. Maybe he likes lots of little kisses before slowly increasing the depth. Maybe you go on for too long. Maybe you move your tongue in ways he doesn’t like. Maybe you use too much saliva. Maybe you have bad breath and he’s too embarrassed to tell you!

There are so many factors at play here, and it can make for really interesting conversation that is also deep and connecting. Try having this conversation with your husband on your own. Be inquisitive and non-judgemental about what he does like and why, what he struggles with and why. From there you can share gently and openly about why you desire him in this way and how good it makes you feel. Find the commonality through this discussion and explore ways of connecting that do make him comfortable.

If you can’t find resolution on your own, or the conversation is too difficult, then find a therapist who is trained and practiced in sex and intimacy and can help facilitate your conversation.

Most importantly, don’t give up on your relationship. If you love and desire each other, with the help of a skilled therapist you will find your way through.


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#284: Communing - deep intimate connection

Published Saturday, February 22, 2020


This is a great word that I like to use when talking to couples about how to relate to each other and get in the mood for lovemaking.a

That word is “communing”.

The dictionary defines the verb “commune” as:

  • To share one's intimate thoughts or feelings with someone or something;
  • To feel in close spiritual contact with someone or something.

It’s a gentle, chilled-out word that makes you feel relaxed and connected. I take it to mean that act of sharing and feeling when two people hang-out together doing stuff that makes them feel good about each other.

It can be a cup of tea and a chat after the kids are in bed. It can be walking to the park together pushing the pram. It can be snuggling up on the couch laughing and watching your favourite TV show. It can be doing a jigsaw puzzle together. It can be taking dessert up to the bedroom and feeding each other while giggling on the bed.

It doesn’t have to involve a lot of verbal communication; it certainly doesn’t have to involve deep and meaningful conversation (although it can lead to that naturally). It doesn’t have to be overtly romantic or sexual. Communing is just two people enjoying each other’s company in a relaxed manner.

The three key elements to communing are simply that:

  1. You’re together
  2. You’re doing something (even if that something is very little) together
  3. It makes you feel good about yourself and the other person

It’s actually what makes you feel good as a couple, and that in turn is what makes your sex life work.

Too often people in relationships get complacent and stop making the time to be with each other. Then they wonder why one or both of them isn’t in the mood for sex anymore.

Forcing yourself to get in the mood for sex isn’t going to make you want sex. Contrary to what a lot of people believe, sex doesn’t always “cure” the ills of a relationship, although it can.

The reality is that for most people, sex needs a warmup.

Most people actually need to be feeling good about their partner and about themselves before they’ll want to make love to them.

I call this 'beforeplay' - keeping the warmup going on in little ways all the time. It’s the way you relate and feel about each other (and therefore about yourself) before you even get to the bedroom that makes the sex not only easier to get to, but better when it arrives.

Communing is enjoyable and relaxing and connecting.

What’s not to like?

Do it and enjoy!

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#284: Communing - deep intimate connection

Published Saturday, February 22, 2020

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#278: Stocking Up Your Love Larder - the key to spontaneous sex

Published Saturday, January 04, 2020

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#278: Stocking Up Your Love Larder - the key to spontaneous sex

Published Saturday, January 04, 2020


Good sex is like good food. If you want a good meal, you've got two choices.

1) Plan in advance: set a date, go through the recipe books, do the shopping, set time aside for the cooking, start work in a clean kitchen, enjoy the process of cooking, lay a beautiful table, plate the food up well - then you have an amazing meal.

Or, if you want a more ‘spontaneous’ good meal:

2) Have a well-stocked kitchen: plenty of good ingredients in the larder and all the right implements in the cupboards, plus have plenty of practice at throwing things together - then you grab all the right elements to put an amazing meal together at short notice.

It’s the same with sex. If you want a really good encounter, you can:

1) Plan in advance: set aside some time, create a lovely environment, ensure you’re not too tired, put some thought into what you might do - then you can have an amazing sexual encounter.

But if you want a more ‘spontaneous’ good sexual encounter:

2) Have a well-stocked ‘love larder’: so that you’ve got what it takes to move into a sexual encounter easily and smoothly.

So, what’s required for a well-stocked “love larder”?

First - you’ve got to have a good connection. The two of you need to be getting on well, focusing on yourselves as lovers through positive small acts of loving kindness, with a yummy edge, throughout the day, and making sure you have some quality chill-out connecting time together for at least ten minutes every day.

Second - you’ve got to have the time. You can’t be too rushed or too tired. So last thing at night is not a good idea. If it has to be in the evening, get to the bedroom as early as you can. Otherwise, focus on daytime, weekends (Sunday lie-ins are great) or have sex before dinner not after.

Third - you’ve got to have the space.You need a gorgeous bedroom - make it a boudoir. The more enticing your bedroom is, the easier it is relax into some gorgeous love-making, or hot and heavy shagging, or both - whatever takes your fancy at the time. You need to consider your Bedroom as a Sanctuary, a place away from the cares of the world, where you can leave all that behind and simply focus on the two of you.

Fourth - you need the right equipment.Everyone needs a comfortable bed, plenty of cushions, good music and soft lighting. Have on hand a bottle of lube, tissues or wet wipes and water. Then there are the additional items that will depend on your personal eroticism that you’ll want to have close by: blindfolds, ties, vibrators or dildos, massage oil, ticklers or erotic storybooks. And you may want to have other items available, such as lingerie or dress-ups or other toys that you like to bring out now and again.

Five - you need the right attitude. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got the connection, the time, the place and the goodies if you’re allowing false or limiting beliefs to hold you back from letting go and playing. So if you’ve got “stuff”, “issues” or beliefs around being “too old” or “the wrong appearance”, or if you think that sex is about performance and “doing” things to the other person, if you can’t receive or you can’t give, if you’ve got fixed ideas about sexual roles, if you limit yourself with unnecessary views on what’s sexually acceptable or not, or any number of other self-imposed limitations, then you’re not going to have as much fun and pleasure (with all the associated health and wellbeing benefits) that you could. It’s important that you approach sex with curiosity, lightness and playfulness.
Remember that sex is Playtime for Grown-Ups!

So, what’s missing from your love larder? What can you do individually and as a couple to stock it up?

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#274: Bake Your Cake Before You Ice It - the foundation of great sex

Published Saturday, November 30, 2019

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#271: Q&A: How Do I Meet My Sexual Needs in a Sexless Marriage

Published Saturday, November 09, 2019

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#268: It's the Sum of the Small Things

Published Saturday, October 19, 2019


I’m sitting in bed writing this, having just had breakfast in bed brought to me by my wonderful lover. It was just a cup of tea and toast, nothing flash, but what a difference it’s making to my day! It’s a small thing, but it’s a significant thing.
 
 It’s the sum of these small things that set the quality of your relationship. Equally, it’s the sum of small neglects that stultify a relationship, flat-lining it. When a relationship flat-lines, there’s generally not a lot of sexual desire. 

Maintaining sexual desire is a challenge for busy modern couples are so often tired and/or distracted. Couples who find it easy to move into sexual play are ones who keep themselves simmering, so to speak. That is in large part a reflection on how the two of you are relating as a couple. It’s the culmination of all the small things you do to, for and with each other so feel good about each other, appreciate each other and enjoy each other’s company, that you create a mood in which you want to enjoy each other’s bodies in delicious sexual play.
 
 A couple I’ve been working with for a while announced at a recent retreat that the thing that had made the biggest difference to their sexual relationship is that every day once the kids are in bed, I’m sitting in bed writing this, having just had breakfast in bed brought to me by my wonderful lover. It was just a cup of tea and toast, nothing flash, but what a difference it’s making to my day! It’s a small thing, but it’s a significant thing.
 
 It’s the sum of these small things that set the quality of your relationship. Equally, it’s the sum of small neglects that stultify a relationship, flat-lining it. When a relationship flat-lines, there’s generally not a lot of sexual desire.

Maintaining sexual desire is a challenge for busy modern couples are so often tired and/or distracted. Couples who find it easy to move into sexual play are ones who keep themselves simmering, so to speak. That is in large part a reflection on how the two of you are relating as a couple. It’s the culmination of all the small things you do to, for and with each other so feel good about each other, appreciate each other and enjoy each other’s company, that you create a mood in which you want to enjoy each other’s bodies in delicious sexual play.
 
 A couple I’ve been working with for a while announced at a recent retreat that the thing that had made the biggest difference to their sexual relationship is that every day once the kids are in bed, they spend ten minutes or so just chatting over a cup of tea. That’s all. Yet that small amount of time every day is enough to connect them and leads them on to making love, when the mood takes them.
 
 My parents told me many years ago that their secret to a long and happy marriage was that my father has brought my mother breakfast in bed virtually every day of their married life. I’ve inherited my mother’s appallingly bad ability to function in the morning, so one of the best things my partner can do for me is breakfast in bed too - just tea and toast keeps me loved-up and sexed-up!
 
 So, what are the small things that mean a lot to you? And what are the things that mean a lot to your partner? How can you keep the connection between you strong through small and frequent acts of kindness and affection? It can be words, it can be touch, it can be actions, it can be gifts and it can simply be spending time together. It’s easy in the early days, before the risk of complacency sets in. Over the longer term you need to take up the challenge of keeping it going.
 
 Just like everything else good in life, such as health and wealth, it’s the small constant positives that lead to on-going success, just as much as the small constant negatives lead to failure. Frittering away money and leading a slothful life will affect the quality of your wealth and health in the same way that neglect of your partner will affect your love life. Constant regular savings and an active life with a nutritious diet will enhance your wealth and health.
 
 In the same way small, regular expressions and tokens of affection will fill up your love bank. 

they spend ten minutes or so just chatting over a cup of tea. That’s all. Yet that small amount of time every day is enough to connect them and leads them on to making love, when the mood takes them.
 
 My parents told me many years ago that their secret to a long and happy marriage was that my father has brought my mother breakfast in bed virtually every day of their married life. I’ve inherited my mother’s appallingly bad ability to function in the morning, so one of the best things my partner can do for me is breakfast in bed too - just tea and toast keeps me loved-up and sexed-up!  
 
 So, what are the small things that mean a lot to you? And what are the things that mean a lot to your partner? How can you keep the connection between you strong through small and frequent acts of kindness and affection? It can be words, it can be touch, it can be actions, it can be gifts and it can simply be spending time together. It’s easy in the early days, before the risk of complacency sets in. Over the longer term you need to take up the challenge of keeping it going.
 
 Just like everything else good in life, such as health and wealth, it’s the small constant positives that lead to on-going success, just as much as the small constant negatives lead to failure. Frittering away money and leading a slothful life will affect the quality of your wealth and health in the same way that neglect of your partner will affect your love life. Constant regular savings and an active life with a nutritious diet will enhance your wealth and health.
 
 In the same way small, regular expressions and tokens of affection will fill up your love bank. 

 

 


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#366: The Seven Flavours of Sex
#365: Live in the "Simmer Zone"
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#363: Take the Pressure Off Your Penis!
#362: Don't Let Your Primitive Brain Rule Your Relationship
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#319: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 3: Sexual Transformation
#318: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 2: Relational Transformation
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#285: Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Like Kissing - what to do?
#284: Communing - deep intimate connection
#283: Q&A: We Want to Try a Threesome - how do we do it safely?
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#276: Intercourse as Foreplay
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#146: Come From a Place of "Yes"!
#145: Finger Finesse
#144: Reluctance is Not frigidity, It’s Body Intelligence - She’s Not Ready!
#143: Tantra: The Art of Mindful Sex
#142: Love Thy Partner
#141: ‘Invitation’ not ‘Penetration’
#140: Female Bodies Are Sexual Pleasure Machines
#139: Sex is the Base of Being Human
#138: Awaken Your Vagina for the Kind of Sex All Women (and their Partners) Deserve
#137: Bonking on the Right Side of the Brain
#136: Have Sex with God…
#135: So Many Boxes - So Little Freedom
#134: How to Move Forward When Your Partner Has Betrayed You
#133: The Reason Why Humans Are So Sexual
#132: Partnered Yoga - Erotic Connection
#131: Make Love Like You’re Playing An Instrument For Ultimate Sensual Pleasure
#130: How to Talk to Kids About Sex - and why you need to
#129: Inviting A Third (or fourth or more…) - the right way to play
#128: Does Size Really Matter?
#127: The Way of the Householder - how to make the everyday sublime
#126: Our Bodies Are the Best Sex Toy Ever
#125: Honour Your Genitals for Exquisite Sex - the Why and How
#124: Tango Tantra - Make Your Love Life Blissfully Connected
#123: The Yin & Yang of Sex Chemistry
#122: DIY Porn - It’s A Fun Way to Add Spice to Your Love Life
#121: Move Beyond Sleaze and Shame and Discover The Third Wave of Sexuality
#120: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It
#119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage
#118: We’re All Individuals! There are Spectra of Sexuality
#117: My Book "Seven Sex Goddesses" Released!
#116: Can Fisting Be Fabulous?
#115: Ten Reasons Why Married Women Have Affairs, and What To Do When She Does
#114: Mutual Pleasure Requires Mutual Responsibility - how to expand your sex play safely
#113: Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down - how to add restraint to your sex life
#112: What’s Your Eroticism - Intimate, Wild, Fun?
#111: 10 Tips For Your Vagina
#110: When the Man Leads, the Woman Embellishes
#109: Unblock Sexual Energy for Greater Love
#108: The Sensual Dom(me)
#107: Explore Your Fantasies
#106: Dress-Ups! How to have fun with role-play.
#105: Consensual Non-Monotony
#104: Consensual Non-Monogamy
#103: Languid 69
#102: Sensual Non-Monogamy
#101: Make Love to Yourself - Mindful Masturbation for Women
#100: Celibacy, Sexuality and Spirituality
Bloglovin
#99: Spice Alone Tastes Terrible...
#98: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
#97: Plugging In - Sex Without Movement
#96: Growing Better With Age
#95: Teaching Tantra in Paradise
#94: Time Apart Can Be Erotic
#93: When He's Lost Interest
#92: Q&A: Why Doesn’t Porn Do It for Me?
#91: If Sex Hurts, Change What You're Doing
#90: Some Words for the Lower Desire Partner
#89: Trust Your Body
#88: Chill Out in Your Sanctuary
#87: Planning for Pleasure
#86: Make the Lead-Up Erotic
#85: Advice from Japanese Grandmothers on How to Be Beautiful
#84: If You Want A Mature Relationship You Have To Be Mature
#83: How Often Should We Have Sex?
#82: Slay the Pink Elephants!
#81: The Tantric Lounge Radio Show - Talking Sex, Science and Spirituality
#80: What Do Men Love Best About Sex?
#79: Fetishes are Fine
#78: The Awesomeness of Men Who Are Present
#77: Sex Doesn't Have to Involve the Genitals
#76: Winter's a Time for Sexual Growth
#75: An Erection Does Not Have To Be Serviced
#74: "My Ejaculation Opens the Door to Deeper Orgasm"
#73: To Come or Not To Come
#72: Know Your Sexual Rhythm
#71: Fill Up Your Self-Love Tank
#70: The Cup-of-Tea Approach to Sexual Self-Coaching
#69: Trust Means Being OK with Not Knowing
#68: Renegotiate Your Contract
#67: Breathe Together - It's Tantric Foreplay
#66: The Number One Secret to Good Sex
#65: An Orgasm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away - why sex is so good for you
#64: Teaching Sex Therapists Tantra
#63: Is “Good Enough” Sex Good Enough?
#62: Observing Love
#61: There Is Always A Lower Desire Partner
#60: You Can't Find Balance, You Have To Craft It
#59: Sexual, Spiritual Business Leaders
#58: Positive Messages in 50 Shades of Grey
#57: Playing with Pleasure and Pain
#56: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - Advanced
#55: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - The Basics
#54: Three Good Reasons To Read Erotica
#53: Tantric Kink
#52: Tools for Self-Validation from a Luscious Woman
#51: How to Master the Art of Vaginal Stimulation
#50: Discover the G, A and Ohhhh-Spots
#49: The Tantric Quickie
#48: We All Need To Be Balanced in Our Masculine and Feminine Sides
#47: One Couple's "Kilimanjaro Walk" to Sexual Reconnection
#46: Feminine Receptivity and the Go-Getter Kind of Gal
#45: The Etiquette of Observing Breasts
#44: The World is Waking to Conscious Sex
#43: Try A Little Tenderness
#42: Erotica or Sleaze
#41: A Sensual Man Makes A Great Lover
#40: Sensuality Feeds Sexuality
#39: What is Sex Therapy, Sex Coaching and Tantra Teaching?
#38: The Beauty of Conflict
#37: A Woman's Body Opens In Stages
#36: Breathe Well: Live & Love Well
#35: Phone Sex
#34: Do Your Research - It's Fun!
#33: Unconditional Love Requires Self-validation
#32: Men Need a Muse Not Just A Vagina
#31: Teaching Tantra in Thailand
#30: Being Real
#29: Twelve Benefits of Sex
#28: Communicate - Human's Can't Read Minds!
#27: True Intimacy
#26: The Core of Tantra: Real Sex
#25: Sex as Entree not Dessert
#24: Fire and Water: The Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies
#23: High Libido Women Keep Themselves Simmering
#22: The Breadth of Sexuality & the Importance of Fun
#21: Prioritising Sex
#20: Obligation Sex is Self-Imposed Low-Level Sexual Trauma
#19: Not-So-Secret Men's Business
#18: Could We Have A Festival of Sexuality?
#17: Three Things a Whole Man Needs
#16: Valuing the Masculine
#15: Valuing the Feminine
#14: Face the Darkness to Find the Light
#13: Grow Up and Open Up Australia
#12: How Men Can Circulate Sexual Energy
#11: The Great G-Spot & Female Ejaculation Debate!
#10: Sexual Pleasure is the Great Equalizer
#9: Become a Black Belt in the Bedroom!
#8: Neuroplasticity - Moulding Your Brain for Better Sex
#7: Raise Your Sexual Energy
#6: How To Consume An Ice-Cream - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 2
#5: How To Eat A Peach - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 1
#4: Love in the Time of Chaos
#3: A History of Sexual Misinformation
#2: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth
#1: The Birth of the LoveLife Blog - with some underlying philosophical ramblings

#376: What is Transpersonal Sexology
#366: The Seven Flavours of Sex
#365: Live in the "Simmer Zone"
#364: Suggest Don't Ask
#363: Take the Pressure Off Your Penis!
#362: Don't Let Your Primitive Brain Rule Your Relationship
#361: Great Sex is Not About Speed
#360: Sexual KPIs - Key Pleasure Indicators
#359: Your Relationship is Like a Boat that Carries you through Life
#358: Talk 'Erotic' Not 'Dirty'
#357: Great Sex is Rarely Spontaneous
#356: Approaching Sex As A Spiritual Practice
#355: You're Not Alone - Sexual Struggle is Normal
#354: Let Nature Boost Your Libido
#353: Invite and Envelop
#352: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss
#351: How to "Start the Dominos Falling"
#350: Move Towards Love-Led not Lust-Led Sex
#349: The Yin & Yang of Erotic Physiology
#348: Should Age Like A Fine Wine
#347: We All Need To “Come Out” To Our Unique Sexuality
#346: Burn Away the Undergrowth to Allow New Growth
#345: Don't Push a Relationship to Crisis Point, End It Sooner
#344: When It Gets Awkward in Bed
#343: It's Normal to Find Other People Attractive
#342: The Dance of Initiation
#341: We All Need A Phone Policy!
#340: What Comes Before Consent
#339: More than Sex-Positive, We Need to be Sex-Comfortable
#338: Get Off the Hedonistic Treadmill!
#337: You Can't Search for Love. It's Already There. You Can Only Remove the Barriers to Let It In
#336: How to Communicate Complaints Effectively
#335: Nurture Your Soul with Sex
#334: How to Express Your Emotions Without Being "Emotional"
#333: Q&A: We're Time Poor - How Do We Add Some Zing?
#332: Be Conscious Not Complacent
#331: It's Ok to Disappoint Your Partner
#330: Moans & Groans – why sound is good in sex and how to make more
#329: Gateways to the Erotic Shift
#328: Safety is Sexy
#327: Pace Your Sexual Interactions
#326: Fly on the Wall Friday - my new Video Series
#325: When Things Get Wobbly Assume the Best and Get Curious
#324: How Alike do you Need to be to Have a Good Relationship
#323: Be "At Home" in Your Body
#322: Don't Ever Stop Kissing
#321: Consent From the Inside
#320: How To Say No Without It Feeling Like Rejection
#319: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 3: Sexual Transformation
#318: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 2: Relational Transformation
#317: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 1: Personal Transformation
#316: Take Your Partner Off A Sexual Pedestal
#315: Finesse Your Expertise on Each Other
#314: A Lingering Sense of Each Other
#313: How Do You Know When You're Having Good Sex?
#312: Conflict is Inevitable So Learn to Prevent, Manage and Repair
#311: The Bridgerton Effect
#310: Cuddle plus – an essential phase of the affection-sex continuum
#309: Moment-by-Moment Consent
#308: How To Give (and Receive) An Erotic Spanking
#307: Three Types of Sexual Communication: Chit-chat, In-the-moment and the Debrief
#306: What I Desire
#305: Lazy Sex
#304: It's Not "Needy" to Connect - It's Human!
#303: The Art of the Thrust
#302: Transformational Erotica
#301: Sex As Embodied Mindfulness Practice
#300: So Many Ways to Eat, So Many Ways to…
#299: Date Night or Date Day?
#298: Teenage Love-Making
#297: Turning Sex Lives Upside-Down - It's My Life's Work!
#296: The Sex Store in Your Pantry
#295: Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?
#294: Take Your Penis for a Walk!
#293: It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up
#292: Become a Sensual Explorer
#291: Q&A: My Wife Won't Pleasure Herself in Front of Me
#290: Subtle Shifts to Great Sex
#289: Q&A: My Husband Can't Keep an Erection, and He Smokes Lots of Marajuana
#288: Love in the Time of COVID-19
#287: Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Climax from Oral Sex and I'm Worried
#286: Meditate Your Way to Great Sex
#285: Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Like Kissing - what to do?
#284: Communing - deep intimate connection
#283: Q&A: We Want to Try a Threesome - how do we do it safely?
#282: On Being A Human in a Female Body
#281: Q&A: How Do We Connect After So Much Stress?
#280: Get A Life! Your Sex Drive Needs the Dopamine
#279: Q&A: My Husband Is Having An Affair and I'm Relieved
#278: Stocking Up Your Love Larder - the key to spontaneous sex
#277: Q&A: How Do I Flex My New Found Interest in Sex?
#276: Intercourse as Foreplay
#275: Q&A: Fun in the Sun - How to Have Safe Holiday Sex
#274: Bake Your Cake Before You Ice It - the foundation of great sex
#273: Q&A: Is It Normal to Want Sex Twice A Day?
#272: How Has Sex Helped You Grow - Research Participants Wanted!
#271: Q&A: How Do I Meet My Sexual Needs in a Sexless Marriage
#270: Optimal Sexuality - Reaching Your Sexual Potential
#269: Q&A: How Do I Get My Mojo Back?
#268: It's the Sum of the Small Things
#267: Q&A: How Do We Reignite Our Love Life
#266: Relationship Vitamins
#265: I See You as Lover - the importance of attention in loving well
#264: The Pleasure of A Soft Cock
#263: Make Every Stroke Count
#262: You Can Make Love With Just A Kiss
#261: Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
#260: How to Stay In Love
#259: Expanding Your Sexual Play Part 2: How
#258: Expanding Your Sexual Play Part 1: What
#257: Simple Sex is Good Sex
#256: Solo Sex: Mindful Masturbation
#255: Own the Crone
#254: Porn Star versus Prude
#253: “When One is Pretending, the Whole Body Revolts”
#252: Non-Linear Love-Making: the "Picnic" Approach to Sex
#251: Make Your Bedroom A Sanctuary
#250: Sexy Debriefing
#249: Getting "Love Drunk"
#248: Make-Over Your Sex Life
#247: Be Real, Express Freely
#246: The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
#245: Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
#244: Gigglegasms
#243: Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
#242: Getting to Sex can be Like Getting to the Gym
#241: Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts. Like Chocolate Cake.
#240: Turn Yourself On and the World Turns On To You
#239: Therapy is Composting Your Sh*t
#238: Are You Flat-lining or Surfing in Life?
#237: How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex & Relationships
#236: The Clitoris is Not an On-Off Button
#235: The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution
#234: Allow Self-Indulgence
#233: Are You Relationship-Oriented?
#232: Tantra: Sex Through Non-Sex
#231: A Multitude of Orgasmic Possibilities
#230: Sink In to Sync In
#229: Penises - does size really matter?
#228: What To Do When He Can't Come
#227: The Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex
#226: Merge Sex & Love Energies for Potent Connection
#225: Sex is a Normal Part of Life
#224: We Judge ‘Normal’ Sex Based on Our Own Experiences
#223: How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the ways...
#222: Project 'Great Sex'
#221: Beforeplay Suggestions
#220: Foreplay and Beforeplay
#219: How to Heighten Sensory Pleasure
#218: The Bedroom is for Expression, Not Suppression
#217: The Three Types of Sex All Couples Need
#216: Things that make you go 'mmm' and things that make you go 'ngh'
#215: Libido - the Interplay of Desire and Arousal
#214: The Good and Bad of Porn
#213: Bad Communication Styles - The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
#212: My Journey to Becoming A Transpersonal Sexologist
#211: Seven Sex Tips for Busy People
#210: Penises Love A Soft Touch
#209: Share Before You Fix
#208: The Best Thing A Father Can Do
#207: The Exquisiteness of a Relaxed Vagina
#206: The Look of Love - Eye-Gazing
#205: Quanta of Deliciousness
#204: How to Maintain the “Mmm-Factor”
#203: How to Have 'Dirty' Sex With Someone You Love
#202: Seven Benefits of Attending A LoveLife Couples Tantra Retreat
#201: Make Sex Your Hobby
#200: Partnered Sex is Not Solo Sex for Two
#199: Melting Moments
#198: Your Partner Can't Be Everything To You
#197: Sex is Good, Sleep is Better!
#196: Savour Sex
#195: How To Live A Tantric Life
#194: Be Kind - It Works
#193: How to Push Your Sexual Boundaries
#192: Good Rest=Good Sex
#191: We Need Bliss
#190: Being Sexually Receptive is Not Being Sexually Passive
#189: So Much Love
#188: A High-Quality Relationship is a High-Maintenance Relationship
#187: Sex as Spiritual Practice
#186: Playing with the Yin and Yang of Sex
#185: The Yin and Yang of Sex
#184: Third Level Love-Making
#183: Vive La Difference!
#182: What Is a Marriage Sabbatical and Why Take One?
#181: The Basic Sexual Unit is One
#180: A Penis is for Connection, not Penetration
#179: Men Have Not Evolved to 'Sow Their Seed Widely'
#178: Big Sex is Beautiful Sex
#177: Women Are Not 'Naturally' Monogamous
#176: Sex Therapy and Couples Retreats - What to do if you have a Reluctant Partner
#175: The Chilled Build - How to Get in the Mood for Sex
#174: Mums and Dads Need "Cuddle Time"
#173: Giving Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaner
#172: Is Porn Making Women Less Feminine?
#171: Is Porn Making Men Less Masculine?
#170: Rough Sex
#169: The Three Pillars of Love
#168: Seven Benefits of Attending My Couples Retreats
#167: Ban Penetration - the word, not the act!
#166: Solo Cultivation - Mindful Masturbation for Men
#165: Our Bodies Thrive on Pleasure
#164: Leela: Cosmic Play, Sexual Play
#163: Toys for Grown-Ups
#162: Backdoor Pleasures - how to enjoy anal sex
#161: The Sexual Glutton vs The Sexual Gourmet
#160: Erotic Wickedness - How to Play with Power Exchange
#159: Practice Expressing Your Feelings For Greater Connection and Better Sex
#158: Let’s Talk About Our Sex
#157: Love Your Breasts
#156: Ditch the Sex Myths
#155: Relax Into Orgasm
#154: When A Woman Is Free To Be Herself Sex Takes On A Spiritual Dimension
#153: It All Starts With A Kiss…
#152: The Ecstasy is in the Spaces In-Between
#151: Radical Honesty
#150: Strength in Softness, Softness in Strength
#149: Your New Year's Resolution - Have Better Sex
#148: Peace, Pleasure and Goodwill to All
#147: A Beautiful Vulva is Like A Luscious Hamburger
#146: Come From a Place of "Yes"!
#145: Finger Finesse
#144: Reluctance is Not frigidity, It’s Body Intelligence - She’s Not Ready!
#143: Tantra: The Art of Mindful Sex
#142: Love Thy Partner
#141: ‘Invitation’ not ‘Penetration’
#140: Female Bodies Are Sexual Pleasure Machines
#139: Sex is the Base of Being Human
#138: Awaken Your Vagina for the Kind of Sex All Women (and their Partners) Deserve
#137: Bonking on the Right Side of the Brain
#136: Have Sex with God…
#135: So Many Boxes - So Little Freedom
#134: How to Move Forward When Your Partner Has Betrayed You
#133: The Reason Why Humans Are So Sexual
#132: Partnered Yoga - Erotic Connection
#131: Make Love Like You’re Playing An Instrument For Ultimate Sensual Pleasure
#130: How to Talk to Kids About Sex - and why you need to
#129: Inviting A Third (or fourth or more…) - the right way to play
#128: Does Size Really Matter?
#127: The Way of the Householder - how to make the everyday sublime
#126: Our Bodies Are the Best Sex Toy Ever
#125: Honour Your Genitals for Exquisite Sex - the Why and How
#124: Tango Tantra - Make Your Love Life Blissfully Connected
#123: The Yin & Yang of Sex Chemistry
#122: DIY Porn - It’s A Fun Way to Add Spice to Your Love Life
#121: Move Beyond Sleaze and Shame and Discover The Third Wave of Sexuality
#120: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It
#119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage
#118: We’re All Individuals! There are Spectra of Sexuality
#117: My Book "Seven Sex Goddesses" Released!
#116: Can Fisting Be Fabulous?
#115: Ten Reasons Why Married Women Have Affairs, and What To Do When She Does
#114: Mutual Pleasure Requires Mutual Responsibility - how to expand your sex play safely
#113: Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down - how to add restraint to your sex life
#111: 10 Tips For Your Vagina
#112: What’s Your Eroticism - Intimate, Wild, Fun?
#110: When the Man Leads, the Woman Embellishes
#109: Unblock Sexual Energy for Greater Love
#108: The Sensual Dom(me)
#107: Explore Your Fantasies
#106: Dress-Ups! How to have fun with role-play.
#105: Consensual Non-Monotony
#104: Consensual Non-Monogamy
#103: Languid 69
#102: Sensual Non-Monogamy
#101: Make Love to Yourself - Mindful Masturbation for Women
#100: Celibacy, Sexuality and Spirituality
#99: Spice Alone Tastes Terrible...
#98: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
#97: Plugging In - Sex Without Movement
#96: Growing Better With Age
#95: Teaching Tantra in Paradise
#94: Time Apart Can Be Erotic
#93: When He's Lost Interest
#92: Q&A: Why Doesn’t Porn Do It for Me?
#91: If Sex Hurts, Change What You're Doing
#90: Some Words for the Lower Desire Partner
#89: Trust Your Body
#88: Chill Out in Your Sanctuary
#87: Planning for Pleasure
#86: Make the Lead-Up Erotic
#85: Advice from Japanese Grandmothers on How to be Beautiful
#84: If You Want A Mature Relationship You Have To Be Mature
#83: How Often Should We Have Sex?
#82: Slay the Pink Elephants!
#81: The Tantric Lounge Radio Show - Talking Sex, Science and Spirituality
#80: What Do Men Love Best About Sex?
#79: Fetishes are Fine
#78: The Awesomeness of Men Who Are Present
#77: Sex Doesn't Have to Involve the Genitals
#76: Winter's a Time for Sexual Growth
#75: An Erection Does Not Have To Be Serviced
#74: "My Ejaculation Opens the Door to Deeper Orgasm"
#73: To Come or Not To Come
#72: Know Your Sexual Rhythm
#71: Fill Up Your Self-Love Tank
#70: The Cup-of-Tea Approach to Sexual Self-Coaching
#69: Trust Means Being OK with Not Knowing
#68: Renegotiate Your Contract
#67: Breathe Together - It's Tantric Foreplay
#66: The Number One Secret to Good Sex
#65: An Orgasm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away - why sex is so good for you
#64: Teaching Sex Therapists Tantra
#63: Is “Good Enough” Sex Good Enough?
#62: Observing Love
#61: There Is Always A Lower Desire Partner
#60: You Can't Find Balance, You Have To Craft It
#59: Sexual, Spiritual Business Leaders
#58: Positive Messages in 50 Shades of Grey
#57: Playing with Pleasure and Pain
#56: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - Advanced
#55: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - The Basics
#54: Three Good Reasons To Read Erotica
#53: Tantric Kink
#52: Tools for Self-Validation from a Luscious Woman
#51: How to Master the Art of Vaginal Stimulation
#50: Discover the G, A and Ohhhh-Spots
#49: The Tantric Quickie
#48: We All Need To Be Balanced in Our Masculine and Feminine Sides
#47: One Couple's "Kilimanjaro Walk" to Sexual Reconnection
#46: Feminine Receptivity and the Go-Getter Kind of Gal
#45: The Etiquette of Observing Breasts
#44: The World is Waking to Conscious Sex
#43: Try A Little Tenderness
#42: Erotica or Sleaze
#41: A Sensual Man Makes A Great Lover
#40: Sensuality Feeds Sexuality
#39: What is Sex Therapy, Sex Coaching and Tantra Teaching?
#38: The Beauty of Conflict
#37: A Woman's Body Opens In Stages
#36: Breathe Well: Live & Love Well
#35: Phone Sex
#34: Do Your Research - It's Fun!
#33: Unconditional Love Requires Self-validation
#32: Men Need a Muse Not Just A Vagina
#31: Teaching Tantra in Thailand
#30: Being Real
#29: Twelve Benefits of Sex
#28: Communicate - Human's Can't Read Minds!
#27: True Intimacy
#26: The Core of Tantra: Real Sex
#25: Sex as Entree not Dessert
#24: Fire and Water: The Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies
#23: High Libido Women Keep Themselves Simmering
#22: The Breadth of Sexuality & the Importance of Fun
#21: Prioritising Sex
#20: Obligation Sex is Self-Imposed Low-Level Sexual Trauma
#19: Not-So-Secret Men's Business
#18: Could We Have A Festival of Sexuality?
#17: Three Things a Whole Man Needs
#16: Valuing the Masculine
#15: Valuing the Feminine
#14: Face the Darkness to Find the Light
#13: Grow Up and Open Up Australia
#12: How Men Can Circulate Sexual Energy
#11: The Great G-Spot & Female Ejaculation Debate!
#10: Sexual Pleasure is the Great Equalizer
#9: Become a Black Belt in the Bedroom!
#8: Neuroplasticity - Moulding Your Brain for Better Sex
#7: Raise Your Sexual Energy
#6: How To Consume An Ice-Cream - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 2
#5: How To Eat A Peach - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 1
#4: Love in the Time of Chaos
#3: A History of Sexual Misinformation
#2: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth
#1: The Birth of the LoveLife Blog - with some underlying philosophical ramblings

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