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The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
I just had a week in private retreat, a time for reflection and contemplation. I was fortunate to stay in a friend’s beautiul beachside house in Sydney’s northern beaches.
It was a time to simply be rather than do, to feel rather than think.
A time to savour life.
Most of us are far too busy doing and pushing to actually be and feel what we’re doing. In life, and in sex.
Sex is not a race to the big ‘O’, it’s not a performance for the benefit of our partner, it’s a shared experience of pleasure, exquisitely felt and perfectly savoured.
I know many people make the mistake of thinking that the type of sex I’m advocating, deep Tantric type sex, has to be all soft and sensual. Not at all. As long as it’s between living adult humans who both (or all) consent, then go for it.
But go for it with feeling. A naughty quickie in the bathroom while the kids are having breakfast, a luscious snuggle under the covers on a cold winter’s night, or a swinging fest with the couple you hooked up with on-line. It’s all good, as... read more
To awaken your body to subtlety and exquisite sensation, you need to have heightened sensitivity. This takes strong connection and deep feeling. There’s no way you’d get that level of connection and feeling through being passive.
Our society’s focus on what is quite an asexual approach to sex doesn’t help, particularly since it’s limited to a very masturbatory approach to sex, being about strong libido, vigorous genital engagement and explosive orgasms. This approach is all about doing rather than feeling, so people try harder to ‘do’ something, rather than simply receiving. This is tiring and disconnecting and doesn’t... read more
I was chatting to a good friend recently who, like many people, loves sex and loves the general topic of sex. He was musing on whether he might possibly be a sex addict given that he’s so fascinated, possibly even obsessed, by the topic. My reply was: “I hope not, because that would make me one too!”
It got me thinking, because I have done on-line “Are you a Sex Addict’ type quizzes, and according to some of them I certainly would be a sex addict because thinking about sex takes up so much of my time and sex in general plays such a big part of my life.
I got to thinking about a food analogy. I often use food analogies when talking about sexual issues. I do this mainly to remove the social stigmas, assumptions, beliefs, and so forth, that get in the way of assessing sexuality in a non-judgemental manner.... read more
Relax your hips,
relax your buttocks,
relax your abdomen,
That’s how you experience sensational sex, fully sensing the experience.
Whether you’re engaged in love-making that is soft and tender, intense slam-fucking, or anywhere else on the very wide spectrum of sexual sensation, relaxing your muscles, remembering to breathe, allowing openness throughout your body and through that connection between the two of you leads to…
…delicious, pleasurable, gorgeous sensation.
Continue that into orgasm, and well, just try it.
It might take a while to break the habit of tension, but when you do, it’s a whole new ball-game… read more
Lips part, faces draw near, lips touch.
Close your eyes and imagine this, feel it, fully present in your lips, in your tongue.
Your lips are soft, testing, sensing. Your mouth is relaxed, your tongue gentle.
Gently, gently kiss. How much sensation is there in that gentleness? Your lips are alive, they are the predominant sense organ of the moment.
Feel how the subtlety creates so much strength of feeling, all though out your body.
Feel how that softness allows your body to awaken, how it allows you to sink in to the feeling of softening, opening, receiving, joining.
Feel how that connection through your lips atunes you to your partner.
Be aware, through your lips, of your own and your partner’s feeling. Allow yourself to submit to the flow of the kiss. Let your lips dance together, tease, explore.
Include the tongue if that feels right in the moment, soft, testing, always relaxed. Your tongue too, a sensory organ feeling and transmitting pleasure to the whole of your body.
Take your time. There is no rush, there is no sense... read more
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- #313: How Do You Know When You're Having Good Sex?
- #312: Conflict is Inevitable So Learn to Prevent, Manage and Repair
- #311: The Bridgerton Effect
- #310: Cuddle plus – an essential phase of the affection-sex continuum
- #309: Moment-by-Moment Consent
- #308: How To Give (and Receive) An Erotic Spanking
- #307: Three Types of Sexual Communication: Chit-chat, In the Moment & The Debrief
- #306: What I Desire
- #305: Lazy Sex
- #304: It's Not "Needy" to Connect, It's Human
- #303: The Art of the Thrust
- #302: Transformational Erotica
- #301: Sex as Embodied Mindfulness Practice
- #300: So Many Ways to Eat, So Many Ways to…
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