The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


#170: Rough Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, August 12, 2016

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#170: Rough Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, August 12, 2016



We’re talking extreme yang sex play here. Really unleashing the wild side and letting your most animalistic side take over. Rutting like wild cats. Biting, slapping, grasping hard, choking, seizing and pulling hair…

Rough sex takes an athlete’s devotion to physicality. You need strength, stamina, toughness, resilience. You have to be tough, both in the giving and receiving. You have to be physically robust to take rough sex. This robustness doesn’t have to be size, but the ability to flow with the activity, and the ability to absorb the energy of the activity and lose yourself in the pleasure of the passion.

You need to let go, get out of your head. Thinking your way into rough sex is as ineffective as thinking your way into gentle blissed-out sex.

Now, of course, there have to be limits. There have to rules of engagement. This is ravishment, not rape. So the first rule is consensual play. It takes two and if one doesn’t want to, for whatever reason, then there is no play, at least not this kind of play. Simple. There are plenty of other gorgeous sexual activities to engage in.

You need to pace yourself. You need to make sure... read more



#163: Toys for Grown-Ups

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, June 11, 2016


 
I’m always stressing that sex is playtime for grown-ups. Sex is about sharing pleasure. That means being creative and experimental and generally having fun with the whole thing.

One element of playtime is…toys! Yes, just as kids can play with toys, so can we grown-ups. It’s fun!

Occasionally people say to me, ‘But it’s unnatural to use sex toys’. Oh for heaven’s sake, so is using a toothbrush, but I’m sure you use one every day.

In fact I doubt sex toys are ‘unnatural’ at all, I’m sure they go back as long as humans have existed. One of the outstanding features of humans is our ability to be creative and devise tools and gadgets. Phallic shaped artefacts have been found all over the world from ancient times, and while the archeologists might call them ‘objects of worship’ or similar, I’m quite sure they had a more ‘practical’ use as well…

These days there are a huge number of toys available for us to play with:
  • There are various vibrators for clitoral stimulation, vibrators and dildos for internal stimulation (front and back-door, for him as well as her – if you’re up for it, and there’s absolutely no... read more



  • #163: Toys For Grown-Ups

    Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, June 10, 2016

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    #162: Backdoor Pleasures

    Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, June 03, 2016

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    #162 Backdoor Pleasures - how to enjoy anal sex

    Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, June 03, 2016



    The poor anus, it can get left out. The whole body is responsive to touch and pleasure, and the anal area more so than most, yet it has a reputation for being ‘dirty’ and for anal play to be somewhat ‘sordid’. But think of deep connection, waves of pleasure, ecstatic thrills throughout your body.

    …that sounds beautiful and desirable, but does it sound anal? Not if your idea of anal sex is something that’s dirty or sordid. Yet it’s perfectly possible to include ‘backdoor’ pleasures within a sensual, connected approach to sex.

    The whole pelvic region area is so full of good bits - masses of nerve endings, engorging material - that with the right approach almost any stimulation in the area can feel good, including anal.

    Stress the phrase: “with the right approach”.

    For a start, if you’re not interested, you’re not interested, and if your partner is not interested, that’s fine, there’s no reason why anyone should like anal play if it’s not their thing. It would be like trying to force someone to like Brussels sprouts. Although having said that, it’s possible they don’t like Brussels sprouts because of the way they are cooked. Brussels sprouts that have been boiled... read more


    #160: Erotic Wickedness - How to Play with Power Exchange

    Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 17, 2016


    Fairy tales are not all ‘happy ever after’ there’s a lot of wickedness in them, and that wickedness can be  alluring.

    Children love wickedness and adults can too…

    Wickedness often manifests in power plays. Handing over power can be erotic and receiving the power can be erotic.

    Keep in mind though, this can only be erotic if there is safety and respect. And this means a lot of preparation in talking and understanding and planning. Otherwise it’s abuse, and there’s nothing positive about abusive wickedness.

    But erotic wickedness, now there’s something potentially to luxuriate in.

    If this doesn’t appeal at all, then move on to the next blog post. But if it has you feeling curious, then read on…

    Hand over power to your partner for your shared indulgence…and see what wickedness can ensue!

    Such as...

    • Tie him up and slather cream all over him and slowly slowly lick it off…Oh, the exquisite torture!
    • Order her to bend over and tease her backside…Oh, so naughty!
    • Objectify your partner, they’re no more than a living sex doll, there to lavish your desires upon…Oh, the thrill of it all!
    • Role play master and slave and see how far you can push your ‘slave’ to indulge you in sexual indulgences; or maybe the slave is the one who suggests and enacts the indulgences. Really,... read more


    #129: Inviting A Third (or fourth or more…) - the right way to play

    Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 16, 2015

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    #129: Inviting A Third (or fourth or more…) - the right way to play

    Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 16, 2015



    The thought of sex with multiple partners can be deliciously arousing. The prospect of turning that fantasy into a reality though, can be fraught.

    For a start, I want to clarify that you don’t need to turn a fantasy into a reality. It can do it’s job turning you on quite nicely safely in the confines of your mind. Or take it one step further and spice up your sex life by sharing the idea with your partner; telling each other fantasies can be erotically charged without needing to act them out. This is especially true when the fantasy is potentially as dangerous as inviting other people into your love play.

    It can be done though, if it’s done very carefully.

    It might seem that I’m coming on a bit heavy about the safety aspect here, but I can’t tell you how many couples have come to me with damaged relationships due to mishandling this kind of thing.

    Inviting the neighbours over for a drink and getting smashed is not a good framework in which to explore swinging!

    It sounds funny reading it here, but the reality is far from amusing.

    This kind of... read more


    #126: Our Bodies Are the Best Sex Toy Ever

    Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 26, 2015

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