The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


#126: Our Bodies Are the Best Sex Toy Ever

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 26, 2015


You can certainly spice up your relationship with sex toys - there are thousands on the market to choose from.

In fact the choice is so great it’d be easy to get lost in the choice and lose focus of what the main object of sexual pleasure actually is - your body.

Yep, our bodies are exquisite sexual pleasure machines. We’re designed for pleasure and our bodies thrive on pleasure.

The dexterity of hands and mouths, the feel of skin on skin, the electric connection between genitals, the look of your lover’s face and body, the sounds of love-making…

…this is what makes sex great.

Sex toys can add to the pleasure, they can create new and delicious sensations, for sure. But, if you focus on the toy rather than the body, then you won’t be present in your body nor connected with your partner’s body and the sensation won’t be as good.

So if you want to have better sex, by all means experiment with sex toys, just remember that a dildo on it’s own never improved a relationship, it’s the connection between the two lovers and the way they use a toy to enhance that connection that counts.
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#122: DIY Porn - It’s A Fun Way to Add Spice to Your Love Life

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 28, 2015



Lights - camera - action! Starring in your own porn show can be a fun way to spice up your sex life.

With smart phones these days you can set up your own scene easily - just place it somewhere with a good angle and off you go. Film yourselves having normal sex, or set up a role play, whatever takes your fancy.

Then when you’re done, keep it for posterity, or watch and delete. If you’re shy you don’t even have to watch, just being filmed might be erotic enough for you.

If you’re more of an extrovert and like the idea of sharing your footage, there are plenty of websites where you can post your DIY porn. You absolutely don’t have to though, it can be simply a fun bit of private spice for the two of you.

The same applies with an erotic photo shoot. You can turn it into a role play where one of you is the ‘professional photographer’ and one the ‘model’; or do a straight shoot simply because you like taking photos of each other. Again, in terms of what you do with the photos, well there’s the full spectrum from deleting immediately... read more



#122: DIY Porn - It’s A Fun Way to Add Spice to Your Love Life

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 28, 2015

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#120: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 14, 2015

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#120: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 14, 2015




If you want to spice up your sex life, it’s got to be real. There’s no point faking it. That would be like putting fake spices into a curry - it might look good, but if it tastes terrible there’s no point. If you fake sexual pleasure you’re deceiving your partner and you’ll end up frustrated and resentful.

“Fake it till you make it” might work in some parts of life, but not with sex.

I had a client once who came to me after faking orgasm with her husband for seven years. She wanted me to help her become orgasmic with him without actually telling him she’d ever faked it.

What a dilemma!

She had two choices: 1) confess that she’d been faking it and work with him to become orgasmic again: or 2) not tell him anything and replace the fake orgasms with real orgasms.

I would have preferred if she’d gone with option #1 as it’s so much easier to make changes to a couple’s love life if they are both involved. But she felt he’d be devastated if she admited she’d been... read more


#119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 07, 2015



Prostate massage can be great for a man - great orgasms, better sex. You have to go in through the bum hole though, so it’s not for everyone. But if you’re game, it can feel fantastic.

Now, you don’t want to go “barreling down to the anus” (to misquote Monty Python), he needs to be warmed up to anal touch. Make sure he’s good and relaxed, you’ve got music playing, soft lighting, whatever makes him (and you as the massager) feel comfortable.

As the massager, you might like to wear a latex glove for cleanliness, or to reduce the ‘ick’ factor of putting your finger up someone’s bum, even if it is your beloved’s bum. (Let’s face it, an asshole can be a cute and endearing part of the anatomy, but it can be a little noisome on the inside).

Here’s how you do it:

  • Start with sensual touch of his whole body. Touch lovingly, slowly, with focus. Move firmly from ankles up his legs to his buttocks and give them a good massage. Rub across his sacrum to warm up the whole area.
  • Then ask him to roll on to his side, back or front.... read more


#119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 07, 2015

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#116: Can Fisting Be Fabulous?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, March 23, 2015

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#116: Can Fisting Be Fabulous?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, March 16, 2015



Of course, anything can be fabulous! Double entry with gerkins stuffed up your nose could be fabulous - if it’s something you genuinely desire, it’s consensual and practiced safely.

As I constantly repeat: it’s not what you, do it’s how you do it.

If you ever think you ‘should’ do something sexual, whether it’s to be cool, or because your partner wants you to, or because you think it’s what everyone else does, but you don’t really want to - then don’t do it.

So, back to the topic of fisting. If you subject yourself unwillingly to fisting because you think you should, for any of the above or any other reason, then no, it won’t be fabulous, it will be awful and probably traumatic.

If, however, the thought of having your lover’s entire fist inside you gives you a shiver of erotic anticipation, even if that shiver is tinged with a touch of trepidation due to the unknown - well, give it a go. Assuming of course that your partner has an equal desire to put their entire fist inside you.

I’m going to refer to vaginal fisting here. Anal fisting is of course a possibility,... read more


#114: Mutual Pleasure Requires Mutual Responsibility - how to expand your sex play safely

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, February 23, 2015



I don’t really like using a cheesy romance as a basis for sex education, but hey, with all the fuss about 50 Shades The Movie, here I go.

But before I do, let’s clarify a few things:

1. It’s a story not a documentary.

2. Research has shown that people who engage in BDSM are more psychologically stable than the population as a whole.

3. The final scene would not happen in real life if he was as experienced as portrayed.

Now, to the content. Overall, just like the book, it’s Mills & Boon meets BDSM. It’s romance genre, it’s not meant to be taken seriously. Just as no-one takes Game of Thrones seriously - I’ve just watched all four series and have never been exposed to so much rape, carnage, violence, abuse, sadism, and general machiavellian nastiness in my life. But hey, it’s good entertainment!

The movie, like the book, is about two people developing a relationship, interspersed with some soft porn scenes which are titillating, if mild sensual BDSM is part of your personal eroticism, bewildering or even disturbing if it’s not.

The difference between the movie and... read more


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