The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


#17: Three Things a Whole Man Needs

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, September 07, 2010



Three things a (hetero) man needs to come into a positive, balanced masculinity:


1) Self-worth Through Purpose

It’s critical for a man to have a clear sense of purpose in his life. I so often see men having relationship and sexual problems because in part because they don’t have a strong sense of purpose. This leads to a dependence on being satisfied from his partner, manifesting as an unattractive neediness (a self-aware woman will not find neediness appealing). Or it will lower his sense of self-worth, creating a wimpish energy causing his partner to be too strong and controlling, just to survive. Other men do the opposite, feeling a lack of purpose and therefore a lack of self worth in themselves, they make up for it by becoming dominant and aggressive.

A man who is centered and in purpose will move purposefully through life, not needy of validation by others, less blown around by the whims of others, less given to maudlin self-doubt, and less prone to denial covered by aggression.

 2) Communion with Other Men

Men need other men. Not necessarily in the sitting around drinking cups of tea and chatting way that women tend to do - although they can. Generally men will more “do” things together; tinker... read more


#16: Valuing the Masculine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 17, 2010


We undervalue the feminine principle in our society and I believe we get the masculine principle just as wrong.

Since we’ve had a few thousand years of not valuing the feminine, in place we’ve had an unnatural, overly arrogant masculine - a masculine principle that is more defined by the ability to dominate and control than one that is defined by true strength and openness.

So there has been a complete imbalance in society with a weak feminine principle and dominant masculine one. With the social changes that our society has undergone over the past few decades, many people are changing their attitudes and approaches to living. Nowadays many women have rejected the weak feminine and have instead adopted masculine traits without honouring and expressing their innate feminine power. And many men these days have also rejected the dominant and negative masculine, but are unfortunately instead are embracing an overly soft and, let’s face it, fairly insipid, Sensitive New Age Wimp energy.


So many people are confused by how they “should” be, and I believe this is because we have polarised the masculine and feminine so strongly. No woman wants to be a pathetic doormat, but is the only alternative to be an arrogant domineering male... read more



#12: How Men Can Circulate Sexual Energy

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Photo by Kelvin Valerio from Pexels

A male client sent me a lovely email thanking me for teaching him a specific energy circulating technique. This is what he wrote:

Dear Jacqueline,

Just want to really thank you again for the techniques you taught me… I've also been working on that circular technique you discussed with me and had my first real full success with it the other evening. I could actually feel the sensation go from the base of the penis, through the perineum, right up my back and into my head where I let it float around for a while and then down over my face (a sensation almost like fingertips gently touching my face) and then (when I decided) feeling it float down over my chest, through my belly and then ultimately back into my groin and penis. I managed to get that circular motion to repeat a few times and ultimately the resulting orgasm was absolutely sensational and left me with such a sense of whole body well-being, it was just magic. I enjoyed it so much I can't wait for my next chance :)


The exercise he’s talking about is called the Microcosmic Circuit and comes from the Taoist Sexual... read more


#9: Become a Black Belt in the Bedroom!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Why a “Black Belt” in the Bedroom?

I'm about to launch seminars for men called Black Belt in the Bedroom. Obviously the title is catchy (what man wouldn’t want to be a black belt in the bedroom?) and that’s why I’m using it, but commercial cynicism aside, there are very good reasons why I’m chosen the term “black belt”.

For a start, I am a black belt in aikido, a second level black belt in fact (about to go third level when I decided to have babies instead). I’ve also studied judo and various kung-fu styles plus done workshops on many other styles of martial arts. It’s effectively where I got my energetic training, which I now apply to sexual relations and which has the same basis as the Tantric and Taoist approaches to sexuality.

To some people the concept of a martial artist is of an aggressive violent fighter. However, it’s completely the opposite. A true warrior is not some psychomaniac, think more of the American Indian brave, the knight of old, the samurai, Mel Gibson in Braveheart… A top martial artist is completely in control, centred and flowing with the energy of the encounter. Just what sex should be. He’s not in his... read more



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