The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#14: Face the Darkness to Find the Light

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 27, 2010

To find the light you have to face the darkness. There is no light without darkness. The darkness is at the base, and our sexuality stems from the base.

So we have to face our sexuality and the darkness there. 

Otherwise we live in fear and the fear holds us in, keeps us small, keeps us tight. It prevents us from sharing our energy with others, with the world, with ourselves. 

That energy is a positive thing. That energy is our power, it’s our magnificence, it’s our light. We need to free it and let it flow. 

Then our light will shine and we will find the light, we will be the light.

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#13: Grow Up and Open Up Australia

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I opened up the morning’s paper to see yet another political ‘scandal’. In this case the parliamentary Minister was caught going to a gay sex club. In disgrace the Minister steps down, his professional and private life in ruins as his despicable behaviour is plastered across the front pages of the country’s newspapers.

His heinous sin? Liking to watch men have sex. Possibly even liking to have sex with men.

Gosh, he couldn’t possibly function in his role as a politician with this dreadful tendency...

Now, I might be a little biased here, because my life is devoted to helping people have a happy and fulfilling sex life. I’ve spent thousands of hours talking to people about their sex lives, so I am well aware of people’s broad range of tastes and interests. Just like food really. Some like simple food, others are gourmets, some like to try new and exotic foods and some prefer good old fashioned meat and three vegetables.

In working with people, one of the main issues is helping people know and understand their interests, and helping couples reconcile differing levels and types of interests.

Given that our society is still so pre-pubescent in it’s... read more

#10: Sexual Pleasure is the Great Equalizer

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, May 25, 2010

There’s a beautiful quote from the Kama Sutra, which I found in Deepak Chopra’s gorgeously illustrated version:

Sex is a paradox. It needs the difference between man and woman, yet it reminds them that they are not different at all. In this way pleasure is the world’s great equalizer.

This drew me because so much of my work relates to the masculine and feminine sexual energies. These energies are what you bring to the sex act. Yet what you feel and express matters very little between the lovers, male or female.

I do believe the whole Mars-Venus thing is overstated, that it highlights generalized differences rather than focusing on core similarities. There are far more similarities between men and women than there are differences. Particularly if you’re having sex that is deep, connected, erotic.

It is a paradox, because it is through being real and expressing your true self that you get the greatest pleasure, you can lose yourself in the sexual act and through that sexual pleasure you can find yourself.

You get down to your essence, and the essence of your partner. That is neither masculine nor feminine, it just is. It’s where you can even lose that sense... read more

#8: Neuroplasticity - Moulding Your Brain for Better Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 27, 2010

It’s interesting to observe the participants of a retreat. 

As the days pass there’s an observable change in them, and they all report a significant change within themselves.

This is a great example of neuroplasticity - the brain changing its circuitry.

Given the opportunity for stillness and guided activities and reflection, the circuits of these people change quite rapidly.

This change in the brain allows for definite and continued positive change from that moment on.

I love the fact that brain researchers have proven this plasticity. Many years ago, as an undergraduate biochemistry student studying neuroscience, I was dismayed by the thinking of the day that the brain was simply a computer and the job of the scientist was to figure out what the bits were and how they interacted. I remember being scoffed at for suggesting it might be otherwise. So I didn’t pursue that line of study.

Now we know that the brain is a wonderful organic system that constantly changes and adapts to the inputs coming into it, throughout the whole life. So if your life is stressful and you input negative thoughts, your brain circuitry will reinforce and reflect that reality. That will become... read more

#1: The birth of my Blog - with some underlying philosophical ramblings

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, January 04, 2010

I do believe there is a shift in society lately, whereby people are looking for something more meaningful in sex. Our sexuality is so fundamental to being human, and our society is so infantile when it comes to understanding and practising sex, that for a growing number of people there is a deep longing for sexual expression and experience that is richer and fulfilling.

To get there, we need to approach sex with a great deal more respect, with a great deal more intent and a great deal more commitment. We need to deepen connection and heighten eroticism, we need to feel comfortable enough to really open up and surrender to the experience - in whatever form of sex that might be. It's not all serious though! Great sex requires lightness and play, that's what leads to freedom.

Our bodies are exquisitely designed for sexual pleasure, our hearts and minds are capable of extraordinary sexual pleasure, and our souls yearn for that pleasure, as it gives us freedom, meaning and joy.

Was that poetic? I hope so, I want to put the poetry back into sex.  Not that I'm ignoring the raunch, I love a good bit of raunch, but there's enough... read more

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