The space where sex, science and spirituality meet

#265: I See You as Lover - the importance of attention in loving well

Published Sunday, September 22, 2019


Our brain is such an interesting thing. It stores away memories and impressions, and then when we are met with a similar situation, it immediately goes ‘oh that old thing’ and presents a pre-formed idea based on the past. Which means it’s easy to get complacent in our experiencing of life, including our experience of our partner.

When we first meet there is so much newness and excitement – our brain is bedazzled by our new object of interest, we find this person fascinating. Our brain is engaged and releasing lots of dopamine and the endorphins and oxytocin are flowing in our body. It feels sooo goood! Often this is fuelled by pre-existing beliefs around ‘happy ever after’ and ‘finding one’s soul mate’, which enhance the interest and positive feelings.

But, over time, that person is no longer new. They become a bit ‘same old same old’. Our brain gets used to them, we no longer see them as new and interesting, and often this is exacerbated by beliefs around sex and love getting boring with time, and maybe memories of our own parents’ complacent marriages mixed in. We go into automatic mode with our partner, with our impressions and expectations of them. We get bored and boring, in all aspects of our relationship, including sexually, we become a slave to our preconditioning.

But, the good news is…our brain is also very good at paying attention - when we consciously direct it to. This is one of the important elements of mindfulness. We can intentionally pay attention, and when we do, we can override those automatic old impressions and continuously see our partner afresh, as they really are. They are not the same old person we wake up next to day after day, year after year…no, they are an ever-changing person with whom we interact and can discover anew day after day, year after year.

This person we chose is not just co-parent, co-mortgage-owner, co-mustn’t-forget-to-put-the-garbage-out. That is undifferentiated fused dullsville! This person is partner, friend and most importantly, lover.

This skill of intentional attention enables us to see our partner as lover, no matter how long we’ve been together. We see them as other, we notice them, we appreciate them, we enjoy them. We are drawn to them as lover, and when we make love we do so with open awareness, present to the moment, to the experience, to them as erotic, loving partner in life.

It makes relationship more interesting, more engaging and more conscious.

It makes love-making more connected, more intimate and so much more meaningful.


 


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#260: How to Stay In Love

Published Sunday, July 07, 2019



So often I hear my clients say that they still love their partner but are no longer in love. Often this is given as the reason for wanting to end an otherwise good relationship. These clients always make this claim with some despondency and with a sense of finality, as though once it’s gone it’s gone.

This is understandable, as it’s a common belief that there is the exciting, passionate ‘in love’ honeymoon period and then there is dreary ‘loving’ companionship ever after. But is this fact or myth? Is loss of ‘in love-ness’ inevitable or can we keep it going?

Well, it’s a huge topic and I’d need more than one blog post to go into details, but essentially the answer is yes, you can cultivate that feeling. The key word here is cultivate. It doesn’t ‘just happen’.

Nothing good in life ‘just happens’, nothing good lasts without focus and attention. You don’t stay fit and healthy if you don’t focus on it, you don’t become wealthy if you don’t pay attention, you don’t develop a good career or business without on-going intent to do so. Yet for some reason when it comes to love and sex, we think it should somehow stay strong without putting any effort in at all. So, we become complacent with each other and not surprisingly drift into feeling like flat-mates.

Now, I have to admit that you’re not going to ever keep quite the intoxicating headiness of a brand-new relationship. I’m not talking about that feeling. I’m talking about a sense of experiencing each other as lovers.

I’ve written previously about how a good relationship is like a tripod, it has three legs, and all three need to be strong for the relationship to be strong.

  • The first leg is that you are team-mates in the game of life: you can raise kids, pay a mortgage, get the garbage out on time, handle all the logistics of life.
  • The second leg is that you are friends: you enjoy each other’s company, you are each other’s go-to person, you share interests and do interesting things together.
  • And the third leg is that you are lovers.

It’s this lover leg that so often gets wobbly due to complacency, apathy and generally not giving your love-life the focus, attention and intent that it needs. Instead of cultivating the garden of intimacy, it’s allowed to wither and die.

I want to make a very important point here. I’m not just talking about you having sex. That alone does not make you truly lovers and truly in love. You can have sex without love, and countless couples engage in uninspiring ‘same old’ boring sex, often accompanied by feelings of obligation. That is very far from what I’m talking about.

The way I like to describe the feeling of being true lovers, of keeping the lover feeling strong, is that you infuse your love with your sexual energy.By this I don’t mean ‘horniness’, I mean an energy that rises from your pelvis into your heart that is vital, alive, that has a zest and frisson to it. When you infuse the warm loving feeling you have for your partner with this vital energy, you create a unique frequency between you.

With this awareness you maintain a sense of ‘oh, it’s you’. It’s a regard you have for your partner that is different from anyone else in your life. It’s there in the way you see your partner, how you look at each other, how you greet each other, how you touch each other, how you address each other, how you relate to each other, and how you jointly prioritise your relationship above all else.

This is not easy! It doesn’t ‘just happen’. It takes intent and conscious focus. The good news is though, that the kinds of things you have to do cultivate this approach to each other are all enjoyable, engaging and rejuvenating. The challenge is to realise you need to take this approach and then actively engage in it.

Remember though, you’re both in this, and it’s easier to keep the focus when you’re supporting each other to do it. Then over time it does become more natural and easier and the feeling of being in love goes on and on.

So, get cultivating and stay loved-up for the long term!


To help you along the way, I recommend you attend my three-day Couples Retreat in the Blue Mountains, or five-day Couples Retreat in Bali!

 

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#260: How to Stay In Love

Published Sunday, July 07, 2019

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#246: The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong

Published Friday, December 28, 2018

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#246: The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong

Published Saturday, December 15, 2018


The fairy tales got it wrong.Two do not become one and live happily ever after. Two halves do not make a whole. Rather, two complete people come together and form a third entity, their coupledom. You, me and us. Not just us.

'Two becoming one' is co-dependence. Two becoming three - two self-reliant individuals and a strong bond as a couple - that's what gives security and freedom in life.

It's so important in life to know yourself, respect yourself and nurture yourself. I call this selfless selfishness - putting yourself first so that you can do your best for others. That applies to relationships as a whole, and also to the act of sex, where you need a ‘selfish’ approach to be real and connect from deep within, rather than from a head-orientated performance approach focused on whether you’re doing it well or not.

That requires self-reliance, the ability to self-validate, not requiring others to judge you from their own worldview and to decide if you’re right or wrong, good or bad. In intimate relationships in particular, people too often require the other person to make them feel good. They get into the relationship through their own sense of lack and needing the other to make them feel whole. But no other person can do that for you, it has to come from within. The expectation that your partner can ‘complete’ you can only lead to disappointment, with the relationship ultimately either continuing in a state of limited co-dependence or ending with bitterness and blame.

Coming together out of need produces a very different relationship to one coming out of want/desire/respect. Neediness based on fear or incompleteness, which is where so many of our needs come from, is not the basis for a good relationship, and therefore is a bad basis for a fulfilling on-going sex life.

So, take some time to muse about your needs. Are they ones that once fulfilled will lead to you being a more complete and self-reliant individual? Or are they ones that will keep you in a state of lack, incompleteness and dependence? Hint, if they are around material concepts, they’ll be the latter; if they are based on societal or cultural expectations of needs, rather than what’s real for you, chances are they’ll be the latter too.

What the world needs is self-reliant people. People who are real, people who trust themselves, and who can join with others in relationship, in family, in community, in work, based on strength not on lack.




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#239: Therapy is Composting Your Sh*t

Published Sunday, September 09, 2018

I was in session with a couple in my clinic recently, looking at some challenging aspects of their relationship, when one of them said: ‘I guess you have to wade through your shit to get the insights to make change…’ and I responded with: ‘You’re not wading through it, you’re composting it!’.

They loved the analogy! And it’s a good one. We’ve all got our shit – defences, traumas, fears, confusions, resentments - that has accumulated over our history. If you don’t deal with it, it ferments and turns bad. But if you do deal with it, you are composting it, turning it into fertilizer for new growth.

I like food analogies when talking about sex, and I like gardening analogies when talking about relationships, because a good relationship needs cultivating. Like a garden, it needs constant tending – pulling up the weeds, pruning here and there, moving things around, adding new plants at times, and always watering and fertilizing to keep everything blooming. Otherwise ,it withers and dies.
Too many people put huge amounts of focus into other parts of life – work, health, friends, family, hobbies – and then wonder why they don’t have a good relationship. It has become a withered garden, dying from lack of nurture.

As I’ve written elsewhere, a good relationship is a high-maintenance relationship, it takes focus, time, attention – and you have to pull out those weeds and compost them! It’s the best fertilizer there is.

So don’t shy away from your shit, use it for insight and growth!


If you need help with the composting, book in for sessions at my LoveLife Clinic, or come to a Couples Retreat!




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#238: Are You Flat-lining or Surfing in Life?

Published Sunday, August 12, 2018


You can live life to the full or you can sink into dreary monotony. You can mature with vibrancy or you can grow old and tired. You can have a relationship that continues to explore and grow or you can have one of complacency and dullness. You can see your parenting role as one of keeping under control or as growth and delight (for you and your children).

It’s a choice. There is nothing ‘inevitable’ about how life turns out. The only thing inevitable is that life mirrors your attitude and beliefs. If you believe life, relationships, anything is all downhill after the early flush, it will be. If you believe life can continue to open up and bring new and interesting experiences, it will.

So many people succumb to flat-lining, limiting themselves. Accepting the status quo means you don’t have to take risks. Low expectations mean you can’t be hurt.

Flat-lining is safe, if dull. Flat-liners live safe, dull lives and their sex, if any, is flat and dull. Sex mirrors life.

Flat-liners sit on the beach and watch other people surfing the waves. They might do it timidly, wishing they were brave enough to pick up a board and go out there too. They might watch contemptuously because even though they’re not experiencing the highs, they’re not risking making fools of themselves. They might watch critically, criticising those surfing, without ever taking on the challenge of doing it themselves. And no doubt some people sit on the beach and have no interest in surfing for themselves, they’re happy on the beach and happy for others to surf.

The last category is fine, because they’re accepting of themselves and the surfers. The others though, they need to either shut up, man up or pick up the board and surf too.

For those that are out there surfing, some are riding the big waves, some are still on the little waves. Everyone has a level where they feel comfortable and confident. If you go to the big waves too soon, it won’t be fun it will be terrifying. Conversely, f you don’t push yourself when you’ve got proficient at a level, you could get bored.

Some surfers will hit a level that feels just right, with no desire to seek bigger waves. That’s fine. Those who do surf the bigger waves know that the ride is greater, but potentially the dumps are also greater. To ride the big waves you have to be willing to take the big dumps.

It’s the same with life, with relationships and with sex. You can play it super safe and super dull or you can strive for more and continuously push yourself, at a rate that suits you.

When you let go, allow yourself to be vulnerable, take the risk and surf the waves of life, you’ll confront great difficulties and reap great rewards, and part of that will be surfing the waves together, including the potentially awesome waves of sex, love and intimacy.

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#237: How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex & Relationships

Published Sunday, July 29, 2018

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#235: The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution

Published Sunday, June 24, 2018

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#235: The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution

Published Sunday, June 24, 2018


Phase One: Two Become One

When we fall in love, there is so much newness and discovery that it’s very easy to feel like ‘two become one’, you feel you have so much in common! It’s just like the fairy-tales and you feel that you really will ‘live happily ever after’!!!

This is the ‘symbiotic’ phase of a relationship. It’s a very important part and builds a strong foundation.

Symbiosis or Fusion?

However, inevitably, you start to realise that two have not become one, two are still two. The cracks start to appear, your differences are more obvious and unsettling. I call this the ‘aargh’ phase of a relationship.

Sometimes couples split up at this phase, thinking that they’re not right for each other. That might be true, but not always.

Others pretend it’s not happening, they don’t talk about the differences. These couples tend to lose the singular pronoun and talk about ‘we’ and ‘us’ exclusively, and their relationship becomes more and more limited. They are not game to push boundaries, make suggestions, try new things, for fear of creating ‘conflict’.

Others recognise the differences, and blame the other! These are the couples that bicker all the time, caught in a web of hostility. They use the second person pronoun ‘you, you, you’ as they harangue their partner.

And some couples fall into a power play where one always acquiesces to the other. The old patriarchal model where the good wife submitted to the will of her husband, or when you hear men say "happy wife, happy life...whatever you say dear..."

None of these approaches is healthy. These couples are fused. They’ve tried to force the lovely symbiotic phase to continue, but in so doing have prevented authenticity and growth. They are stuck in co-dependance.

You can’t stay in the first phase. You have to evolve. You need to move to ‘two become two again’ and from there you can move to ‘two become three - two individuals and a couple’.


Phase Two: Differentiation - ‘two become two’

This means moving through the unsettling ‘differentiation’ phase. In this phase you drop the rose-coloured glasses and see your partner in their entirety as they really are. And they see you. This is the phase where you become experts on each other, really discover how each other ticks. You learn how your partner is different, their weaknesses, dysfunctions, and you get clearer on your own.

From there you can learn to relate to your partner in a way that works for them rather than just yourself. You jointly develop a dynamic between you that is safe and supportive when dealing with issues of difference.

You learn to simultaneously self-regulate and inter-regulate, attending to the other while managing your own emotional arousal. This is the master skill of relating!


Phase Three: The Couple Bubble - ‘two become three’

The better you master this phase the easier is to move to the ‘two become three’ phase, or as I like to think of it ‘the couple bubble’ phase. A bubble can separate into two and re-join again. That is how a good relationship is, you are both individuals and a couple. Your individuality enhances your coupledom and your coupledom enhances your individuality. You each know yourselves and your partner so well that you can self-soothe and soothe the other. You can ask for what you want, and you can give what the other wants. You create safe, secure space so you can support each other through the tough times and share the joys of the good times.

You can dip into your bubble momentarily: with a glance, a touch, a thought; or you can be in it for longer periods: a conversation, a night out, a session of lovemaking, a weekend away. This fills up your 'love bank', keeping you connected and recharged, so when you're apart you can be fabulous as an individual, you still have a sense of the 'bubble'.

When you're in this phase you feel as though you have a unique frequency that connects you, you know someone always has your back. To the outside world this phase might look like the first phase, but it's fundamentally different because you've differentiated. You've become experts on each other, you've got a secure, strong dynamic, and you continue to grow and evolve as individuals and as a couple.

To learn more about evolving as a couple, join me at one of my wonderful Couples Retreats: five days in Bali or three days in the Blue Mountains.


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    #160: Erotic Wickedness - How to Play with Power Exchange
    #159: Practice Expressing Your Feelings For Greater Connection and Better Sex
    #158: Let’s Talk About Our Sex
    #157: Love Your Breasts
    #156: Ditch the Sex Myths
    #155: Relax Into Orgasm
    #154: When A Woman Is Free To Be Herself Sex Takes On A Spiritual Dimension
    #153: It All Starts With A Kiss…
    #152: The Ecstasy is in the Spaces In-Between
    #151: Radical Honesty
    #150: Strength in Softness, Softness in Strength
    #149: Your New Year's Resolution - Have Better Sex
    #148: Peace, Pleasure and Goodwill to All
    #147: A Beautiful Vulva is Like A Luscious Hamburger
    #146: Come From a Place of "Yes"!
    #145: Finger Finesse
    #144: Reluctance is Not frigidity, It’s Body Intelligence - She’s Not Ready!
    #143: Tantra: The Art of Mindful Sex
    #142: Love Thy Partner
    #141: ‘Invitation’ not ‘Penetration’
    #140: Female Bodies Are Sexual Pleasure Machines
    #139: Sex is the Base of Being Human
    #138: Awaken Your Vagina for the Kind of Sex All Women (and their Partners) Deserve
    #137: Bonking on the Right Side of the Brain
    #136: Have Sex with God…
    #135: So Many Boxes - So Little Freedom
    #134: How to Move Forward When Your Partner Has Betrayed You
    #133: The Reason Why Humans Are So Sexual
    #132: Partnered Yoga - Erotic Connection
    #131: Make Love Like You’re Playing An Instrument For Ultimate Sensual Pleasure
    #130: How to Talk to Kids About Sex - and why you need to
    #129: Inviting A Third (or fourth or more…) - the right way to play
    #128: Does Size Really Matter?
    #127: The Way of the Householder - how to make the everyday sublime
    #126: Our Bodies Are the Best Sex Toy Ever
    #125: Honour Your Genitals for Exquisite Sex - the Why and How
    #124: Tango Tantra - Make Your Love Life Blissfully Connected
    #123: The Yin & Yang of Sex Chemistry
    #122: DIY Porn - It’s A Fun Way to Add Spice to Your Love Life
    #121: Move Beyond Sleaze and Shame and Discover The Third Wave of Sexuality
    #120: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It
    #119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage
    #118: We’re All Individuals! There are Spectra of Sexuality
    #117: My Book "Seven Sex Goddesses" Released!
    #116: Can Fisting Be Fabulous?
    #115: Ten Reasons Why Married Women Have Affairs, and What To Do When She Does
    #114: Mutual Pleasure Requires Mutual Responsibility - how to expand your sex play safely
    #113: Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down - how to add restraint to your sex life
    #112: What’s Your Eroticism - Intimate, Wild, Fun?
    #111: 10 Tips For Your Vagina
    #110: When the Man Leads, the Woman Embellishes
    #109: Unblock Sexual Energy for Greater Love
    #108: The Sensual Dom(me)
    #107: Explore Your Fantasies
    #106: Dress-Ups! How to have fun with role-play.
    #105: Consensual Non-Monotony
    #104: Consensual Non-Monogamy
    #103: Languid 69
    #102: Sensual Non-Monogamy
    #101: Make Love to Yourself - Mindful Masturbation for Women
    #100: Celibacy, Sexuality and Spirituality
    Bloglovin
    #99: Spice Alone Tastes Terrible...
    #98: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
    #97: Plugging In - Sex Without Movement
    #96: Growing Better With Age
    #95: Teaching Tantra in Paradise
    #94: Time Apart Can Be Erotic
    #93: When He's Lost Interest
    #92: Q&A: Why Doesn’t Porn Do It for Me?
    #91: If Sex Hurts, Change What You're Doing
    #90: Some Words for the Lower Desire Partner
    #89: Trust Your Body
    #88: Chill Out in Your Sanctuary
    #87: Planning for Pleasure
    #86: Make the Lead-Up Erotic
    #85: Advice from Japanese Grandmothers on How to Be Beautiful
    #84: If You Want A Mature Relationship You Have To Be Mature
    #83: How Often Should We Have Sex?
    #82: Slay the Pink Elephants!
    #81: The Tantric Lounge Radio Show - Talking Sex, Science and Spirituality
    #80: What Do Men Love Best About Sex?
    #79: Fetishes are Fine
    #78: The Awesomeness of Men Who Are Present
    #77: Sex Doesn't Have to Involve the Genitals
    #76: Winter's a Time for Sexual Growth
    #75: An Erection Does Not Have To Be Serviced
    #74: "My Ejaculation Opens the Door to Deeper Orgasm"
    #73: To Come or Not To Come
    #72: Know Your Sexual Rhythm
    #71: Fill Up Your Self-Love Tank
    #70: The Cup-of-Tea Approach to Sexual Self-Coaching
    #69: Trust Means Being OK with Not Knowing
    #68: Renegotiate Your Contract
    #67: Breathe Together - It's Tantric Foreplay
    #66: The Number One Secret to Good Sex
    #65: An Orgasm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away - why sex is so good for you
    #64: Teaching Sex Therapists Tantra
    #63: Is “Good Enough” Sex Good Enough?
    #62: Observing Love
    #61: There Is Always A Lower Desire Partner
    #60: You Can't Find Balance, You Have To Craft It
    #59: Sexual, Spiritual Business Leaders
    #58: Positive Messages in 50 Shades of Grey
    #57: Playing with Pleasure and Pain
    #56: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - Advanced
    #55: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - The Basics
    #54: Three Good Reasons To Read Erotica
    #53: Tantric Kink
    #52: Tools for Self-Validation from a Luscious Woman
    #51: How to Master the Art of Vaginal Stimulation
    #50: Discover the G, A and Ohhhh-Spots
    #49: The Tantric Quickie
    #48: We All Need To Be Balanced in Our Masculine and Feminine Sides
    #47: One Couple's "Kilimanjaro Walk" to Sexual Reconnection
    #46: Feminine Receptivity and the Go-Getter Kind of Gal
    #45: The Etiquette of Observing Breasts
    #44: The World is Waking to Conscious Sex
    #43: Try A Little Tenderness
    #42: Erotica or Sleaze
    #41: A Sensual Man Makes A Great Lover
    #40: Sensuality Feeds Sexuality
    #39: What is Sex Therapy, Sex Coaching and Tantra Teaching?
    #38: The Beauty of Conflict
    #37: A Woman's Body Opens In Stages
    #36: Breathe Well: Live & Love Well
    #35: Phone Sex
    #34: Do Your Research - It's Fun!
    #33: Unconditional Love Requires Self-validation
    #32: Men Need a Muse Not Just A Vagina
    #31: Teaching Tantra in Thailand
    #30: Being Real
    #29: Twelve Benefits of Sex
    #28: Communicate - Human's Can't Read Minds!
    #27: True Intimacy
    #26: The Core of Tantra: Real Sex
    #25: Sex as Entree not Dessert
    #24: Fire and Water: The Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies
    #23: High Libido Women Keep Themselves Simmering
    #22: The Breadth of Sexuality & the Importance of Fun
    #21: Prioritising Sex
    #20: Obligation Sex is Self-Imposed Low-Level Sexual Trauma
    #19: Not-So-Secret Men's Business
    #18: Could We Have A Festival of Sexuality?
    #17: Three Things a Whole Man Needs
    #16: Valuing the Masculine
    #15: Valuing the Feminine
    #14: Face the Darkness to Find the Light
    #13: Grow Up and Open Up Australia
    #12: How Men Can Circulate Sexual Energy
    #11: The Great G-Spot & Female Ejaculation Debate!
    #10: Sexual Pleasure is the Great Equalizer
    #9: Become a Black Belt in the Bedroom!
    #8: Neuroplasticity - Moulding Your Brain for Better Sex
    #7: Raise Your Sexual Energy
    #6: How To Consume An Ice-Cream - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 2
    #5: How To Eat A Peach - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 1
    #4: Love in the Time of Chaos
    #3: A History of Sexual Misinformation
    #2: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth
    #1: The Birth of the LoveLife Blog - with some underlying philosophical ramblings

    #379: The Biggest Myths About Sex Therapy (And What It’s Really Like)
    #378: At the Heart of Sexual Healing Is Joy
    #377: Why A Couples Retreat Can Change Everything
    #376: The Art of Giving in Love: How to Nourish the “Us” in Your Relationship
    #375: What is Relational Sexology?
    #374: Focus Less on Erection and More on Connection
    #373: Why A Sex-Positive Lifestyle Matters - Especially Now
    #372:The Erotic as a Celebration of Life’s Goodness
    #371: Your Relationship is Like a Tripod: It Needs Three Strong Legs
    #370: Attending A Couples Retreat: A Time To Nourish Your Love
    #369: Can AI Be Met? What Emerged When I Approached AI as a Relationship Not a Tool
    #368: The Power of Erotic Language: How Words Shape Our Experience of Sex
    #367: What is Transpersonal Sexology
    #366: The Seven Flavours of Sex
    #365: How to Stay in the Simmer Zone—and Why It Matters for Your Love Life
    #364: Suggest Don't Ask
    #363: Take the Pressure Off Your Penis!
    #362: Don't Let Your Primitive Brain Rule Your Relationship
    #361: Great Sex is Not About Speed
    #360: Sexual KPIs - Key Pleasure Indicators
    #359: Your Relationship is Like a Boat that Carries you through Life
    #358: Talk 'Erotic' Not 'Dirty'
    #357: Great Sex is Rarely Spontaneous
    #356: Approaching Sex As A Spiritual Practice
    #355: You're Not Alone - Sexual Struggle is Normal
    #354: Let Nature Boost Your Libido
    #353: Invite and Envelop
    #352: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss
    #351: How to "Start the Dominos Falling"
    #350: Move Towards Love-Led not Lust-Led Sex
    #349: The Yin & Yang of Erotic Physiology
    #348: Should Age Like A Fine Wine
    #347: We All Need To “Come Out” To Our Unique Sexuality
    #346: Burn Away the Undergrowth to Allow New Growth
    #345: Don't Push a Relationship to Crisis Point, End It Sooner
    #344: When It Gets Awkward in Bed
    #343: It's Normal to Find Other People Attractive
    #342: The Dance of Initiation
    #341: We All Need A Phone Policy!
    #340: What Comes Before Consent
    #339: More than Sex-Positive, We Need to be Sex-Comfortable
    #338: Get Off the Hedonistic Treadmill!
    #337: You Can't Search for Love. It's Already There. You Can Only Remove the Barriers to Let It In
    #336: How to Communicate Complaints Effectively
    #335: Nurture Your Soul with Sex
    #334: How to Express Your Emotions Without Being "Emotional"
    #333: Q&A: We're Time Poor - How Do We Add Some Zing?
    #332: Be Conscious Not Complacent
    #331: It's Ok to Disappoint Your Partner
    #330: Moans & Groans – why sound is good in sex and how to make more
    #329: Gateways to the Erotic Shift
    #328: Safety is Sexy
    #327: Pace Your Sexual Interactions
    #326: Fly on the Wall Friday - my new Video Series
    #325: When Things Get Wobbly Assume the Best and Get Curious
    #324: How Alike do you Need to be to Have a Good Relationship
    #323: Be "At Home" in Your Body
    #322: Don't Ever Stop Kissing
    #321: Consent From the Inside
    #320: How To Say No Without It Feeling Like Rejection
    #319: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 3: Sexual Transformation
    #318: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 2: Relational Transformation
    #317: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 1: Personal Transformation
    #316: Take Your Partner Off A Sexual Pedestal
    #315: Finesse Your Expertise on Each Other
    #314: A Lingering Sense of Each Other
    #313: How Do You Know When You're Having Good Sex?
    #312: Conflict is Inevitable So Learn to Prevent, Manage and Repair
    #311: The Bridgerton Effect
    #310: Cuddle plus – an essential phase of the affection-sex continuum
    #309: Moment-by-Moment Consent
    #308: How To Give (and Receive) An Erotic Spanking
    #307: Three Types of Sexual Communication: Chit-chat, In-the-moment and the Debrief
    #306: What I Desire
    #305: Lazy Sex
    #304: It's Not "Needy" to Connect - It's Human!
    #303: The Art of the Thrust
    #302: Transformational Erotica
    #301: Sex As Embodied Mindfulness Practice
    #300: So Many Ways to Eat, So Many Ways to…
    #299: Date Night or Date Day?
    #298: Teenage Love-Making
    #297: Turning Sex Lives Upside-Down - It's My Life's Work!
    #296: The Sex Store in Your Pantry
    #295: Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?
    #294: Take Your Penis for a Walk!
    #293: It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up
    #292: Become a Sensual Explorer
    #291: Q&A: My Wife Won't Pleasure Herself in Front of Me
    #290: Subtle Shifts to Great Sex
    #289: Q&A: My Husband Can't Keep an Erection, and He Smokes Lots of Marajuana
    #288: Love in the Time of COVID-19
    #287: Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Climax from Oral Sex and I'm Worried
    #286: Meditate Your Way to Great Sex
    #285: Q&A: My Partner Doesn't Like Kissing - what to do?
    #284: Communing - deep intimate connection
    #283: Q&A: We Want to Try a Threesome - how do we do it safely?
    #282: On Being A Human in a Female Body
    #281: Q&A: How Do We Connect After So Much Stress?
    #280: Get A Life! Your Sex Drive Needs the Dopamine
    #279: Q&A: My Husband Is Having An Affair and I'm Relieved
    #278: Stocking Up Your Love Larder - the key to spontaneous sex
    #277: Q&A: How Do I Flex My New Found Interest in Sex?
    #276: Intercourse as Foreplay
    #275: Q&A: Fun in the Sun - How to Have Safe Holiday Sex
    #274: Bake Your Cake Before You Ice It - the foundation of great sex
    #273: Q&A: Is It Normal to Want Sex Twice A Day?
    #272: How Has Sex Helped You Grow - Research Participants Wanted!
    #271: Q&A: How Do I Meet My Sexual Needs in a Sexless Marriage
    #270: Optimal Sexuality - Reaching Your Sexual Potential
    #269: Q&A: How Do I Get My Mojo Back?
    #268: It's the Sum of the Small Things
    #267: Q&A: How Do We Reignite Our Love Life
    #266: Relationship Vitamins
    #265: I See You as Lover - the importance of attention in loving well
    #264: The Pleasure of A Soft Cock
    #263: Make Every Stroke Count
    #262: You Can Make Love With Just A Kiss
    #261: Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
    #260: How to Stay In Love
    #259: Expanding Your Sexual Play Part 2: How
    #258: Expanding Your Sexual Play Part 1: What
    #257: Simple Sex is Good Sex
    #256: Solo Sex: Mindful Masturbation
    #255: Own the Crone
    #254: Porn Star versus Prude
    #253: “When One is Pretending, the Whole Body Revolts”
    #252: Non-Linear Love-Making: the "Picnic" Approach to Sex
    #251: Make Your Bedroom A Sanctuary
    #250: Sexy Debriefing
    #249: Getting "Love Drunk"
    #248: Make-Over Your Sex Life
    #247: Be Real, Express Freely
    #246: The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
    #245: Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
    #244: Gigglegasms
    #243: Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
    #242: Getting to Sex can be Like Getting to the Gym
    #241: Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts. Like Chocolate Cake.
    #240: Turn Yourself On and the World Turns On To You
    #239: Therapy is Composting Your Sh*t
    #238: Are You Flat-lining or Surfing in Life?
    #237: How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex & Relationships
    #236: The Clitoris is Not an On-Off Button
    #235: The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution
    #234: Allow Self-Indulgence
    #233: Are You Relationship-Oriented?
    #232: Tantra: Sex Through Non-Sex
    #231: A Multitude of Orgasmic Possibilities
    #230: Sink In to Sync In
    #229: Penises - does size really matter?
    #228: What To Do When He Can't Come
    #227: The Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex
    #226: Merge Sex & Love Energies for Potent Connection
    #225: Sex is a Normal Part of Life
    #224: We Judge ‘Normal’ Sex Based on Our Own Experiences
    #223: How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the ways...
    #222: Project 'Great Sex'
    #221: Beforeplay Suggestions
    #220: Foreplay and Beforeplay
    #219: How to Heighten Sensory Pleasure
    #218: The Bedroom is for Expression, Not Suppression
    #217: The Three Types of Sex All Couples Need
    #216: Things that make you go 'mmm' and things that make you go 'ngh'
    #215: Libido - the Interplay of Desire and Arousal
    #214: The Good and Bad of Porn
    #213: Bad Communication Styles - The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
    #212: My Journey to Becoming A Transpersonal Sexologist
    #211: Seven Sex Tips for Busy People
    #210: Penises Love A Soft Touch
    #209: Share Before You Fix
    #208: The Best Thing A Father Can Do
    #207: The Exquisiteness of a Relaxed Vagina
    #206: The Look of Love - Eye-Gazing
    #205: Quanta of Deliciousness
    #204: How to Maintain the “Mmm-Factor”
    #203: How to Have 'Dirty' Sex With Someone You Love
    #202: Seven Benefits of Attending A LoveLife Couples Tantra Retreat
    #201: Make Sex Your Hobby
    #200: Partnered Sex is Not Solo Sex for Two
    #199: Melting Moments
    #198: Your Partner Can't Be Everything To You
    #197: Sex is Good, Sleep is Better!
    #196: Savour Sex
    #195: How To Live A Tantric Life
    #194: Be Kind - It Works
    #193: How to Push Your Sexual Boundaries
    #192: Good Rest=Good Sex
    #191: We Need Bliss
    #190: Being Sexually Receptive is Not Being Sexually Passive
    #189: So Much Love
    #188: A High-Quality Relationship is a High-Maintenance Relationship
    #187: Sex as Spiritual Practice
    #186: Playing with the Yin and Yang of Sex
    #185: The Yin and Yang of Sex
    #184: Third Level Love-Making
    #183: Vive La Difference!
    #182: What Is a Marriage Sabbatical and Why Take One?
    #181: The Basic Sexual Unit is One
    #180: A Penis is for Connection, not Penetration
    #179: Men Have Not Evolved to 'Sow Their Seed Widely'
    #178: Big Sex is Beautiful Sex
    #177: Women Are Not 'Naturally' Monogamous
    #176: Sex Therapy and Couples Retreats - What to do if you have a Reluctant Partner
    #175: The Chilled Build - How to Get in the Mood for Sex
    #174: Mums and Dads Need "Cuddle Time"
    #173: Giving Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaner
    #172: Is Porn Making Women Less Feminine?
    #171: Is Porn Making Men Less Masculine?
    #170: Rough Sex
    #169: The Three Pillars of Love
    #168: Seven Benefits of Attending My Couples Retreats
    #167: Ban Penetration - the word, not the act!
    #166: Solo Cultivation - Mindful Masturbation for Men
    #165: Our Bodies Thrive on Pleasure
    #164: Leela: Cosmic Play, Sexual Play
    #163: Toys for Grown-Ups
    #162: Backdoor Pleasures - how to enjoy anal sex
    #161: The Sexual Glutton vs The Sexual Gourmet
    #160: Erotic Wickedness - How to Play with Power Exchange
    #159: Practice Expressing Your Feelings For Greater Connection and Better Sex
    #158: Let’s Talk About Our Sex
    #157: Love Your Breasts
    #156: Ditch the Sex Myths
    #155: Relax Into Orgasm
    #154: When A Woman Is Free To Be Herself Sex Takes On A Spiritual Dimension
    #153: It All Starts With A Kiss…
    #152: The Ecstasy is in the Spaces In-Between
    #151: Radical Honesty
    #150: Strength in Softness, Softness in Strength
    #149: Your New Year's Resolution - Have Better Sex
    #148: Peace, Pleasure and Goodwill to All
    #147: A Beautiful Vulva is Like A Luscious Hamburger
    #146: Come From a Place of "Yes"!
    #145: Finger Finesse
    #144: Reluctance is Not frigidity, It’s Body Intelligence - She’s Not Ready!
    #143: Tantra: The Art of Mindful Sex
    #142: Love Thy Partner
    #141: ‘Invitation’ not ‘Penetration’
    #140: Female Bodies Are Sexual Pleasure Machines
    #139: Sex is the Base of Being Human
    #138: Awaken Your Vagina for the Kind of Sex All Women (and their Partners) Deserve
    #137: Bonking on the Right Side of the Brain
    #136: Have Sex with God…
    #135: So Many Boxes - So Little Freedom
    #134: How to Move Forward When Your Partner Has Betrayed You
    #133: The Reason Why Humans Are So Sexual
    #132: Partnered Yoga - Erotic Connection
    #131: Make Love Like You’re Playing An Instrument For Ultimate Sensual Pleasure
    #130: How to Talk to Kids About Sex - and why you need to
    #129: Inviting A Third (or fourth or more…) - the right way to play
    #128: Does Size Really Matter?
    #127: The Way of the Householder - how to make the everyday sublime
    #126: Our Bodies Are the Best Sex Toy Ever
    #125: Honour Your Genitals for Exquisite Sex - the Why and How
    #124: Tango Tantra - Make Your Love Life Blissfully Connected
    #123: The Yin & Yang of Sex Chemistry
    #122: DIY Porn - It’s A Fun Way to Add Spice to Your Love Life
    #121: Move Beyond Sleaze and Shame and Discover The Third Wave of Sexuality
    #120: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It
    #119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage
    #118: We’re All Individuals! There are Spectra of Sexuality
    #117: My Book "Seven Sex Goddesses" Released!
    #116: Can Fisting Be Fabulous?
    #115: Ten Reasons Why Married Women Have Affairs, and What To Do When She Does
    #114: Mutual Pleasure Requires Mutual Responsibility - how to expand your sex play safely
    #113: Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down - how to add restraint to your sex life
    #111: 10 Tips For Your Vagina
    #112: What’s Your Eroticism - Intimate, Wild, Fun?
    #110: When the Man Leads, the Woman Embellishes
    #109: Unblock Sexual Energy for Greater Love
    #108: The Sensual Dom(me)
    #107: Explore Your Fantasies
    #106: Dress-Ups! How to have fun with role-play.
    #105: Consensual Non-Monotony
    #104: Consensual Non-Monogamy
    #103: Languid 69
    #102: Sensual Non-Monogamy
    #101: Make Love to Yourself - Mindful Masturbation for Women
    #100: Celibacy, Sexuality and Spirituality
    #99: Spice Alone Tastes Terrible...
    #98: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
    #97: Plugging In - Sex Without Movement
    #96: Growing Better With Age
    #95: Teaching Tantra in Paradise
    #94: Time Apart Can Be Erotic
    #93: When He's Lost Interest
    #92: Q&A: Why Doesn’t Porn Do It for Me?
    #91: If Sex Hurts, Change What You're Doing
    #90: Some Words for the Lower Desire Partner
    #89: Trust Your Body
    #88: Chill Out in Your Sanctuary
    #87: Planning for Pleasure
    #86: Make the Lead-Up Erotic
    #85: Advice from Japanese Grandmothers on How to be Beautiful
    #84: If You Want A Mature Relationship You Have To Be Mature
    #83: How Often Should We Have Sex?
    #82: Slay the Pink Elephants!
    #81: The Tantric Lounge Radio Show - Talking Sex, Science and Spirituality
    #80: What Do Men Love Best About Sex?
    #79: Fetishes are Fine
    #78: The Awesomeness of Men Who Are Present
    #77: Sex Doesn't Have to Involve the Genitals
    #76: Winter's a Time for Sexual Growth
    #75: An Erection Does Not Have To Be Serviced
    #74: "My Ejaculation Opens the Door to Deeper Orgasm"
    #73: To Come or Not To Come
    #72: Know Your Sexual Rhythm
    #71: Fill Up Your Self-Love Tank
    #70: The Cup-of-Tea Approach to Sexual Self-Coaching
    #69: Trust Means Being OK with Not Knowing
    #68: Renegotiate Your Contract
    #67: Breathe Together - It's Tantric Foreplay
    #66: The Number One Secret to Good Sex
    #65: An Orgasm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away - why sex is so good for you
    #64: Teaching Sex Therapists Tantra
    #63: Is “Good Enough” Sex Good Enough?
    #62: Observing Love
    #61: There Is Always A Lower Desire Partner
    #60: You Can't Find Balance, You Have To Craft It
    #59: Sexual, Spiritual Business Leaders
    #58: Positive Messages in 50 Shades of Grey
    #57: Playing with Pleasure and Pain
    #56: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - Advanced
    #55: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - The Basics
    #54: Three Good Reasons To Read Erotica
    #53: Tantric Kink
    #52: Tools for Self-Validation from a Luscious Woman
    #51: How to Master the Art of Vaginal Stimulation
    #50: Discover the G, A and Ohhhh-Spots
    #49: The Tantric Quickie
    #48: We All Need To Be Balanced in Our Masculine and Feminine Sides
    #47: One Couple's "Kilimanjaro Walk" to Sexual Reconnection
    #46: Feminine Receptivity and the Go-Getter Kind of Gal
    #45: The Etiquette of Observing Breasts
    #44: The World is Waking to Conscious Sex
    #43: Try A Little Tenderness
    #42: Erotica or Sleaze
    #41: A Sensual Man Makes A Great Lover
    #40: Sensuality Feeds Sexuality
    #39: What is Sex Therapy, Sex Coaching and Tantra Teaching?
    #38: The Beauty of Conflict
    #37: A Woman's Body Opens In Stages
    #36: Breathe Well: Live & Love Well
    #35: Phone Sex
    #34: Do Your Research - It's Fun!
    #33: Unconditional Love Requires Self-validation
    #32: Men Need a Muse Not Just A Vagina
    #31: Teaching Tantra in Thailand
    #30: Being Real
    #29: Twelve Benefits of Sex
    #28: Communicate - Human's Can't Read Minds!
    #27: True Intimacy
    #26: The Core of Tantra: Real Sex
    #25: Sex as Entree not Dessert
    #24: Fire and Water: The Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies
    #23: High Libido Women Keep Themselves Simmering
    #22: The Breadth of Sexuality & the Importance of Fun
    #21: Prioritising Sex
    #20: Obligation Sex is Self-Imposed Low-Level Sexual Trauma
    #19: Not-So-Secret Men's Business
    #18: Could We Have A Festival of Sexuality?
    #17: Three Things a Whole Man Needs
    #16: Valuing the Masculine
    #15: Valuing the Feminine
    #14: Face the Darkness to Find the Light
    #13: Grow Up and Open Up Australia
    #12: How Men Can Circulate Sexual Energy
    #11: The Great G-Spot & Female Ejaculation Debate!
    #10: Sexual Pleasure is the Great Equalizer
    #9: Become a Black Belt in the Bedroom!
    #8: Neuroplasticity - Moulding Your Brain for Better Sex
    #7: Raise Your Sexual Energy
    #6: How To Consume An Ice-Cream - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 2
    #5: How To Eat A Peach - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 1
    #4: Love in the Time of Chaos
    #3: A History of Sexual Misinformation
    #2: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth
    #1: The Birth of the LoveLife Blog - with some underlying philosophical ramblings

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    Couples Retreats

    "Thank you for teaching me how to treat my wife (with numerous chronic illnesses) in a spirit of compassion while opening up a multitude of possibilities for both of us to experience giving and receiving."

    "It feels like I am taking possession of my 'goddesshood'! As a consequence I find that I am now confident and settled and calm with my husband and I can move between the goddesses, giving and receiving as the dance feels right. It's quite glorious, we're loving it. There is so much more I could say - I am so grateful and joyous! Thank you so much for your dedication, commitment, honesty and love."

    "I am personally so grateful for participating in Saturday's Tantric Lounge, connecting with a group of people with beautiful, fertile rich energy."

    "I have to tell you that this experience has been life changing for me, and your wonderful loving work in helping us let go and come into ourselves made this life change such a warm comfortable natural process, that I can hardly remember what it was like before."

    "We loved that this book is about simple fundamentals, not superficial tips and tricks."

    "I really got what it means to come into my masculine sexual energy, with strength and confidence and no macho or aggression. Feels great! (And my wife is beaming!)"

    "We've just spent a wonderful weekend with Jacqueline. Her workshops are fun, informative, sensual, and in many ways deeply profound - the weekend brought us closer in ways we could never have imagined. Thank-you for filling up our love bank!"

    "A huge thank you with all my heart for the unique and beautiful experience that you created for all of us on the weekend. It was such a magnificent experience and I am amazed at how much the Luscious Woman weekend boosted my confidence, I feel fantastic. What you give to others is such a beautiful gift you’re an inspiration to everyone around you."

    "Thank-you for creating a safe space for us all to learn, grow and share. Absolutely essential for all women who want to thrive, not just survive."

    "Before meeting Jacqueline we were fumbling around in the dark, I couldn’t go the distance and this left my beloved underwhelmed. We were caught in the daily grind, were sexually frustrated and wanting a more satisfying experience. Since Jacqueline’s sex coaching our lovemaking has become light-hearted, our lives filled with romance, dating, petting, smooches. When we make love the time is intimate, fun, erotic, orgasmic and/or all of the above. We’ve never been happier, whole or as complete – and can’t thank you enough."

    "I thought this retreat would expand our sex life, but it didn’t so much expand as turn our sex life upside down! I’m now seeing the world with a new, exciting, slightly bewildering new light!"

    "The couples retreat is something every couple should do. The course is refreshing, inspiring and gave our relationship a fun tool set to set us up for a joyful life together. It’s not just about sex (though that stuff was great), it debunks myths and starts a conversation that changed our relationship - definitely for the better. Jacqueline has a gift to make everyone feel comfortable. Don’t wait until there is a ‘problem’ - all relationships can be improved.  Would recommend to all couples!"

    "What do I say to you for taking me on a magical adventure of discovery yet again? My most heartfelt thanks for an incredible Saturday night at The Tantric Lounge."

    "I'm so happy with ME, where I am and where we are as a couple. This is where I've been trying to get for so long and now I'm here! Thanks - you're the best!"

    "A really powerful, transformative experience. I feel I have reclaimed something precious and essential."

    "The opening up to my own sexuality and what it means for us as a couple has been way beyond my expectations. I’ve felt safe and loved the sense of playfulness and the choices we’ve had whether or how to participate. I go away hugely enriched."

    "I felt so useless and alone after I had my baby, and forcing myself to have sex with my husband made it worse. This book has helped me see in little ways how I can enjoy being a mother and a wife - which means I can enjoy being me! Thank-you."

    "I really enjoyed this book. It contains some great concepts that I’ve really been able to put into practice."

    "Thank you for the weekend retreat - I greatly enjoyed and learned a lot at it. Your combination of spirituality and philosophy meeting is an inspiration."

    "Taking Black Belt completely revolutionized my thinking about sex and has had a long lasting positive influence on my sex life."

    "Thank you for your warm vibrant energy, enthusiasm and passion. You've given a recently fatigued man the tools to recover his mojo."

    "Your workshops are so fun, connective and amazing, just a joy to participate in. You definitely have great skills in putting together a very cool experience for people."

    "A massive thank you for all your guidance and wisdom. Your sex therapy played a very significant role in changing our lives forever."

    "I enjoyed doing this course immensely. The content is spot on and you rightly focus on the 'being' rather than the 'doing'. "

    "It was all about rediscovering and embracing being a woman, and everything that surrounds that."

    "I never expected the Luscious Woman Workshop to have such a dramatic change on how I view myself and how I now feel sexy, feminine and graceful. I've never said those words about myself before!"

    "We used to fight constantly about sex, I never thought we'd find a way out. Then we found you and that's all changed. You're awesome!"

    "Your book made me realise not only what I’d lost, but how to regain it. I’m loving getting in touch with the goddesses in all parts of my life - including sexually!"

    "I never thought I’d lose my libido - but I did! Who’d have thought one little baby could be so exhausting! Your book made so much sense - it explained why I was feeling this way, why my partner was feeling this way, and what we could do about it."

    "Since Black Belt my partner has said that our sex life has turned 180 degrees, and that you are a miracle worker !"

    "You’re the first of many counsellors who really feels comfortable and is coming from a practical, understandable place. You've helped us find the key and it's really quite simple."

    "Thanks so much for a life changing weekend. I honestly mean it! I feel like a completely different person!!!!!"

    "It is beautiful how each activity builds on the previous one like blocks, so that by the end of the evening we are engaging in the most divine magical experiences that we could never have got to otherwise!"

    "It's not a course, it's an awakening. It opens your eyes to what's possible as a couple."

    "You have such a fabulous gift for taking all the awkwardness out of sexuality and turning it into such a lovely and beautiful thing to embrace. "

    "This book is beautifully clear and succinct, a real treasure."

    "We had a fabulous time at the retreat. The surroundings, the people, and the teachings were all a blessing. It has taught us to explore new horizons in our love relationship and has brought our connection closer. We will be using all the techniques in the time to come as our sex life develops and improves. In fact, the results have been almost instantaneous!"

    "Luscious Woman was so useful and very much applies to the modern lush woman who wants to feel and be even more empowered!"

    "It’s made us realise how important it is to always be there for each other, to prioritise us, even though it’s so easy to be distracted."

    "I've seen so many therapists but you're amazing! I come out of each session so much more self-aware and enlightened."

    "We really love coming to see you, as you offer us such support and have made a huge difference to our lives."

    "You've changed the whole way I look at sex, now I feel so much more positive and free and empowered!"

    "We will always remember the weekend, we discovered so much together and shall keep learning with each other with the skills gained for a long time to come. Thank you for such a great experience."

    "Hol-ee f@ck you can write, Bravo!!! ;) I've been reading your things for years, but the Goddesses are tying it all together so exquisitely. Thank-you, and Wow! "

    "I just am finishing the Luscious Woman course. It has been such an inspiring course and you have such a fabulous gift for taking all the awkwardness out of sexuality and turning it into such a lovely and beautiful thing to embrace. My husband is the doing the black belt in the bedroom course as well and its been so amazing watching him develop into the soft, loving and passionate man I knew he could be. We are so grateful for your course, your passion and wish everyone who wants to expand their sexual understand could know about this course. "

    "Luscious Woman has truly shifted my thinking, my life and me, in a wonderful direction. Thank you so much Jacqueline."

    "My sessions with Jacqueline were like a great conversation with a very wise sister/friend. She helped me through the end of my 25 year marriage with compassion and insight, giving me perspective, coping skills and a gentle push where required. I’m so grateful to have had her wise counsel."

    "I feel far more comfortable with myself and have a willingness to explore and grow in this rather new area of my life - how exciting."

    "Your program also seriously helped me understand my own male sexuality so much better. A big thank you for helping me with what I needed to hear! It is so awesome what you do, it is life changing for us on this end, and you are such a natural!"

    "Working on the solution instead of the problem has taken me further forward then anything else I have tried."

    "Thanks so much for a life changing five days! We were truly impacted and challenged beyond our expectations so thank you."

    "I have had a really lovely shift and have felt subtle changes in my approach to myself and body. "

    "The videos were beautifully engaging. You've condensed the essence of being a lover from the male perspective into an easy to follow course and I can only wish I had discovered this course ages ago and saved myself 15 years of trial & error with my wife! "

    "This course has, after 29yrs of adolescent masturbatory style sex, been HUGE with some major penny-drops. I love your approach!"

    "You’ve really helped me tap into something wonderful and powerful. I’ve discovered where I was letting myself down and have been enjoying 'filling in the blanks’."

    "Thank-you for for so skillfully weaving my sexuality and spirituality back together. I now feel the way I’ve always wanted to feel."

    "Your retreats are fundamental to the health and sustainability of all relationships, regardless. In this faster than ever paced world, over stimulated and titillated, and where choice and everything-can-be-had as a retail experience is omnipresent, your guidance is like a light through the darkness..."

    "I've just read your new book and I just want to say it is FABULOUS!! I'm so glad you wrote it and it is such a special and beautiful work I can't put it down!"

    "Sex was just off the agenda and we’d lost connection. We couldn’t recommend this book more. It really will help"

    Thank you for taking us on such a divine journey in such a beautiful setting. You are an incredibly skilled facilitator and it is clear the passion you have for making a real impact and changing the future of sex, intimacy and really meaningful and long-term connection.

    "Thank you for this wonderful experience, we really enjoyed it. You are a very good facilitator, and an absolute expert in this area of life and love."

    "Loved this book - it was made for busy people like us. Thank-you for guiding and inspiring us!"

    "I feel an enormous sense of relief that we have a platform to communicate about intimacy and sex in an open respectful and adult way."

    "We want to thank you so very much for the most wonderful week in paradise, both literally and metaphorically. Having been to your workshops previously we knew for sure that we were in for a week of lusciousness, but our week with you in Bali was more gloriously luscious and inspiring than we could have imagined."

    "It's been a deep, profound and subtle spiritual liberation. It's given me the freedom and empowerment to open up and allow myself to feel and to express how I feel, in every way. This feeling of liberation and love and power and openness pervades my whole life and how I live now, and I can see the effect it has on others too and how they respond to me. It's very subtle, but soooo powerful and wonderful. It feels like it is radiating out from the very core of my being and is an all encompassing love, so, very much including, but not just about, my sexual being."

    "We weren’t in a very good place. Reading Jacqueline’s book together made the world of difference and we’re stronger for it"

    "I don't think it is over-stating to say that I would call the course 'life changing'. In essence I believe it has been a major catalyst in deep healing, a fundamental shift in personal and spiritual growth, and lasting and evolving change in self confidence, body awareness, self acceptance and ongoing sexual exploration."

    "It’s been so good to find a book that tells us how to look after ourselves - not only how to look after the baby."

    "Thank-you for so deliciously weaving my sexually and spiritually together again, I now feel the way I’ve always wanted and known I could feel."

    My partner and I just got back from a fantastic couples tantra retreat in the Blue Mountains with the extremely talented Jacqueline Hellyer. It was FANTASTIC!!! We absolutely loved her grounded approach, her sense of humour and realness, no prescriptive, one size fits all approach, just REAL talk and providing an incredibly safe space to deeply connect with each other.

    I loved the structure and your clear positive guidance throughout. It has bought more joy and love into my life with my wife.

    "I really enjoyed all the loving energy in the room. I've certainly never experienced anything like it before. "

    "Now we understand why you wanted us to attend one of your retreats. We learnt so much from you in private sessions, but doing your couples retreat has really taken us so much further and deeper. It’s been absolutely wonderful, far more transformative than we could ever have imagined."

    "This weekend has been so much more than we expected. Solidifying in a way we didn’t anticipate. It has opened our eyes to even more possibilities."

    "Seeing Jacqueline has been by far one of the best decisions we have made. Before seeking her help I was very sad about our situation. I am so happy to say that as a direct result of her thoughtful guidance we are in such a different and better place in our sex life."

    "This book has changed our lives. It’s all good practical common-sense - and it works!"

    "Jacqueline, you are so extraordinarily professional. I’ve done a lot of courses in this area and yours are so far above the rest in terms of content and presentation."

    "Thanks again for your brilliant life-changing support. "

    Jacqueline, thank-you for such an incredible weekend. You are an incredibly authentic teacher, it's just so refreshing. The weekend was so beautiful. It was real, raw and very authentic. I loved how we could all be so vulnerable. You really created that space for each of us to feel safe to share in that way. You're so passionate about what you do, it really shines through.

    "I wish we’d had this book when our first bub was born. But better late than never, it’s been a great help second time around!"

    "We LOVED the retreat. You created a safe, adult, sexy space where we could be honest and open, exploring ourselves and the connection that exists in really different ways than we've ever been able to in the past. Your rich and sensitive holding of the spiritual side, and ease of its emergence as sexual energy - an energy to draw the other in and connect with - was really a gift and a beautiful model to offer. "

    "Thanks so much for a life changing five days!  We were truly impacted and challenged beyond our expectations so thank you."

    "Thank you for a wonderful retreat. All the things we were worried about turned out to be no concern at all and all the things we were looking forward to turned out to be much better than we dreamed! We are still buzzing from the experience. "

    "Love your work. You’re speaking the language and have a super in-depth understanding which I respect!"

    "It was a really powerful, transformative experience. I feel I have reclaimed something precious and essential with the help of a group of loving, supportive women. It made me appreciate how much healing we can do as women when we come together and share our experiences."

    "We have noticed a real shift in our energies towards each other since seeing you, almost like switching from AM to FM radio, the difference is that noticeable."

    "The Tantric Lounge has surpassed any expectations I had of attending such an event and I find myself feeling exhilarated from the experience to a whole new degree after each session."