My fiancé and I have been sexually active for about nine years, but lately she’s been getting a tear in the perineum area. We always do plenty of foreplay and it’s not like I’m big, nor rough. How can we prevent this from happening?

There are two possibilities here - infection or irritation. It’s possible that she has thrush, even if she doesn’t have obvious symptoms. She may even have dermatitis. So a doctor needs to have a look and test her for infections. Her GP can do this and it’s easily treated.

If it’s irritation, there are a few possibilities. If you use condoms she may have developed an allergy to latex in which case you need to switch to non-latex condoms. If she’s in her 40s or later she may be menopausal, which can decrease natural lubrication and make her skin more sensitive. Or it might be that the foreplay you’re doing isn’t enough to get her naturally lubricated. In these cases you need to use more lube from a tube, preferably an natural product such as Sylk. Also, make sure she avoids using soap on the area, warm water is enough, and no moisturizers or other products.