Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it really means to live a sex-positive life. It’s a phrase that gets thrown around a lot, sometimes reduced to slogans, sometimes misunderstood altogether. But at its heart, sex-positivity isn’t about being wild, or permissive, or endlessly adventurous. It’s about living with an orientation towards openness, kindness, curiosity and freedom from shame when it comes to sexuality, your own and others’.And right now, in a political climate that so often leans towards fear, restriction and moralising, that matters more than ever.
What Sex-Positivity Really Is
When I talk about sex-positivity, I’m not just talking about what happens in the bedroom. I’m talking about a lifestyle. A way of being in the world.
It’s the choice to meet your partner with tenderness instead of criticism.
It’s the willingness to talk about desire without fear.
It’s valuing pleasure as an essential part of health and wellbeing, not a frivolous extra.
It’s recognising that our sexual energy is deeply entwined with our life energy - and when we nurture one, we nurture the other.
Sex-positivity doesn’t mean “anything goes”. It means respecting boundaries and consent as sacred. It means understanding that shame is corrosive, while acceptance is liberating.
Why It Matters in the Current Climate
We live in a time when political and cultural forces often push in the opposite direction - towards repression, control and fear. Bodies become battlegrounds. Pleasure becomes suspect. Intimacy becomes something to regulate, rather than something to celebrate.
When we allow that mindset in, even subtly, it shows up in our bedrooms and our relationships. We second-guess ourselves. We downplay our desires. We live smaller, tighter lives.
That’s why choosing a sex-positive lifestyle is more than personal. It’s cultural. It’s even political. Every time you approach intimacy with openness instead of shame, every time you model respect, every time you nurture your erotic aliveness, you’re making a statement: my body, my pleasure, my love are worthy of honour, not control.
The Everyday Practice of Sex-Positivity
Sex-positivity isn’t abstract, it’s lived through daily choices and micro-moments.
- In your relationship: Seeing your sexual connection as a vital, nourishing part of the bond, not a taboo subject or optional extra. Talking about it openly and naturally, as a normal and natural part of life.
- In your family: Talking openly with children about bodies, boundaries and respect, instead of shrouding sexuality in silence or fear.
- In your friendships: Speaking honestly and kindly about love, relationships and intimacy, so that sexuality becomes something normalised rather than hidden.
- In yourself: Letting go of the inner critic, softening into pleasure, allowing yourself to feel without judgment.
These are quiet acts of liberation. They ripple outwards. They create relationships that are safer, warmer and more alive.
A Personal and Collective Act
When I work with couples, I often see how quickly things shift once shame lifts and acceptance enters. The spark comes back. The tenderness flows. People stand taller, breathe easier.
Imagine what could happen if that was true not just in our homes, but in our culture. Imagine a society that valued erotic aliveness as much as productivity. That honoured intimacy as deeply as achievement. That recognised sex as a force of healing, not something to be hidden.
We’re not there yet. But every couple who chooses openness, every individual who embraces their body, every parent who raises their child without shame, is helping us move closer.
Choosing Liberation
In times of fear and restriction, living a sex-positive life is an act of quiet courage. It’s not loud or defiant. It’s tender, playful, honest. It’s the courage to say: “I will not live small. I will not live cut off from my own erotic vitality. I choose connection. I choose pleasure. I choose love." That choice - repeated in the small, daily ways - is how we shift culture. One couple, one family, one body at a time.
So if you’ve ever wondered whether sex-positivity really matters, my answer is yes. It matters profoundly. For your own well-being, for your relationship, and for the world we’re building together.