The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people. 


We Judge ‘Normal’ Sex Based on Our Own Experiences

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, January 21, 2018



I find people's views on sex fascinating, even after over eight thousand hours of talking to people in detail about their sex lives! There's so much diversity around what we think of as “normal” or “abnormal” - far more diversity than you'd think if you based it on the media or general opinion.
I could go on and on about the range of opinions people have about what “normal” is.

But in my considerable experience as a Sex Therapist I’ve discovered that the idea of “normal” has little basis in anything other than what people themselves have experienced in their own lives.

Interestingly, whether they think that their own experience is normal or abnormal seems to be based more on their level of self-esteem than anything else:
 read more...



Project 'Great Sex'

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, January 01, 2018




It's the new year, a time for committing to bettering yourself. What better area of life to commit to focusing on than your love life?!

Whether you're single or partnered, we can all focus on that fundamentally important contributor to health, happiness and well-being - your sexuality!

So I'd like to suggest you commit to a Year of Great Sex! Let's call it your 'Great Sex' Project.
 read more...



Heightening Sensory Pleasure

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 17, 2017



Sexual pleasure involves so much more than just what your genitals are doing.

Engaging the senses is a crucial element to heightening sexual pleasure.

Just as the experience is more enjoyable and satisfying the more you engage the senses and make it a whole experience when you eat - think grabbing a bite to eat on the run as opposed to a sit down meal - so it is with sex.  read more...



The Bedroom is for Expression, Not Suppression

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 03, 2017



Sex is one of the great forms of human self-expression. It's a place where creativity, physical movement, pleasure and joy can manifest, just like the other forms of human expression - music, art, design, dance, cooking, sport, even writing. 

 read more...



Three Types of Sex All Couples Need

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, November 19, 2017



I like to divide sexual encounters in a long-term relationship into three types:

Simple Sex – short and comforting
Sensual Sex - luscious and bonding
Spicy Sex – exciting and adventurous
 read more...



Things that make you go 'mmm' and things that make you go 'ngh'

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, November 12, 2017


When you think about desiring your partner, or a potential partner, what are the things that make you go “Mmmmm”? As in “Mmmmm, that's nice!” And what are the things that make you go “Nnngh”, as in “Nnngh - that's not so nice”?

In other words, what are your turn ons and turn offs when it comes to sex and desire?

What enhances your desire and what detracts from it?
 read more...



Libido - the Interplay of Desire & Arousal

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, November 05, 2017




Mis-matched libidos, difference in desire, high and low sex drive, etc. These are very common terms used to describe a very common issue.

But what are we really talking about here?

What is libido, what is desire?

Firstly, it’s not a ‘thing’. Libido is not something you have or don’t have.

Secondly, desire is not arousal.

Often people say that one partner has a high libido, high desire, and the other partner has low libido, low desire. But when we get talking it often turns out that they are confusing desire with arousal.

Having fast arousal is not the same as having high desire, and having slow arousal is not the same as having low desire. read more...



The Good and Bad of Porn

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, October 22, 2017



Humans love watching people have sex. The voyeuristic elements of sex have been part of human sexuality as far back as recorded history goes, and probably beyond. Erotic art is found around the world from all eras. Even in sexually repressed periods such as Victorian England there was a flourishing trade in postcards of nudes and amazing little paper contraptions that mimicked the sex act. In present times, there wouldn't be too many men around who, as a teenager, didn’t have girlie magazines stuffed under their mattress, which their girlfriends also looked at in fascination.

And now we have a proliferation of porn on the Internet. So is this good or bad?  read more...



The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, October 15, 2017



We’ve discussed the importance of sharing before you move into solution mode. How you do this is equally as important.

John Gottman, has also identified four negative ways of communicating, which he calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. These might not seem as drastic as the originals from the Bible: war, pestilence, famine and plague, but these lesser horsemen can reek just as much damage on a relationship as the big ones do on a whole society. read more...



A Bit About My Journey

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, October 08, 2017



I came out of the womb questioning. Apparently I was a ‘strange child’ who asked ‘strange questions’ and read ‘strange books’. From my earliest age I felt like I was the child pointing out that the emperor was wearing no clothes and was always puzzled and fascinated by people and their lack of awareness.

As a child I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a warrior, a scientist and a priest.

I have, essentially, become all three: read more...



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