I like to divide sexual encounters in a long-term relationship into three types: read more...
The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people.
Mis-matched libidos, difference in desire, high and low sex drive, etc. These are very common terms used to describe a very common issue.
But what are we really talking about here?
What is libido, what is desire?
Firstly, it’s not a ‘thing’. Libido is not something you have or don’t have.
Secondly, desire is not arousal.
Often people say that one partner has a high libido, high desire, and the other partner has low libido, low desire. But when we get talking it often turns out that they are confusing desire with arousal.
Having fast arousal is not the same as having high desire, and having slow arousal is not the same as having low desire. read more...
I came out of the womb questioning. Apparently I was a ‘strange child’ who asked ‘strange questions’ and read ‘strange books’. From my earliest age I felt like I was the child pointing out that the emperor was wearing no clothes and was always puzzled and fascinated by people and their lack of awareness.
As a child I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a warrior, a scientist and a priest.
I have, essentially, become all three: read more...
Life in the 21st century is fast paced, so fast paced that it’s easy to get caught up in all the busy-ness.
Busy isn’t bad, not if you’re relishing life as you busily experience it. But, and it’s a BIG but, if you let life carry you along on an endless wave of manic activity, then you won’t even notice you’re living, you won’t be enjoying it, and you won’t be making the time to savor all the wonderful things that life offers – including sex!
Wouldn’t you love sex to be a blissful haven away from all that frenetic stuff?
Wouldn’t you love to have sex that leaves you renewed and refreshed, that leaves you feeling fabulous?
Here are the seven fundamental sex tips to help you as a busy person have that blissful haven of fabulous sex. Read them, and, if they make sense to you and you want practical advice on how to use the Secrets in your life, buy and read my full book Sex Secrets for Busy People. read more...
Penises love a woman’s softness. Why then, do so many women feel they need to stimulate a man so hard?
A woman is not a masturbation machine, nor is she a vacuum cleaner. Yet so many women act like this in bed with a man. read more...
My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this week. Congratulations Mum and Dad!
They’ve had a great relationship. It’s had its ups and downs of course, but they never flat-lined or became complacent. They maintained their zest for life. And as I often say: you’ve gotta love life to have a love life.
What I do want to talk about is how much my father loves my mother, and what a positive impact that has had on me. You see, as a girl, having a father who loves, respects and admires his wife, your mother, is the best thing possible for growing up with a positive self-image. read more...
When your vagina is relaxed and receptive it becomes the most amazingly sensitive organ, capable of experiencing subtle energies and generating beautifully exquisite sensations. Unfortunately, as the standard model of sex is for vigorous thrusting into the vagina, our vaginas tend to become “hardened” to subtlety.
Also, because of the focus on the clitoris, the vagina can get neglected. To the extent that some people feel that the clitoris is the only important sex organ for a woman and that the vagina is simply a vessel for the man’s penis to enjoy. So most of the attention goes on to the clitoris, with strong stimulation there to the point of orgasm, followed by intercourse until he comes. The clitoris is very wonderful, of course! But so is the vagina. I’d like you to reclaim your vagina as the wonderful, sensitive organ that it can be. read more...
Sit facing each other. Cross-legged is ideal, or on straight-backed chairs if your knees aren’t so good. Be close enough that your knees are touching and you can hold hands.
Then simply gaze into each other’s eyes.
Play some luscious chilled music, and hold the gaze for one song. That’s about three minutes. read more...
Every time you do something for or say something nice to your partner it’s like you’re sending them a little bundle of loving sexual energy, a little quantum of deliciousness.
Imagine that quantum of energy springing across from your heart and into your partner’s heart. Make them feel the “mmm” - “mmm, you love me” and “mmm, you desire me”. read more...
This is an interesting one. I find a lot of people aren’t having anywhere near the kind of sex that would really turn them on, because they don’t feel they can have ‘that’ kind of sex, whatever ‘that kind of sex’ is, with their partner.
I’ve written elsewhere about pushing boundaries and how to expand your sexual play, so this is more about the step before - how to even consider having ‘dirty’ sex with your beloved.
What I mean by ‘dirty’ is whatever you want it to mean, whatever lies beyond your comfort zone of ‘acceptable’, whatever is wild, wicked, naughty, or add the adjective of your choice… read more...
to the LOVELIFE blog for weekly inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!
- Three Types of Sex All Couples Need
- Libido - the Interplay of Desire & Arousal
- A Bit About My Journey
- Seven Sex Tips for Busy People
- Penises Love A Soft Touch
- The Best Thing A Father Can Do
- The Exquisiteness of a Relaxed Vagina
- The Look of Love - Eye-gazing
- Quanta of Deliciousness
- How to Have 'Dirty' Sex With Someone You Love
- Seven Benefits of Attending A LoveLife Couples Tantra Retreat
- Make Sex Your Hobby
- Partnered Sex is Not Solo Sex for Two
- Melting Moments
- Your Partner Can’t Be Everything to You