Download Audio: Trust Your Body

Download Audio: Advice from Japanese Grandmothers on How to be Beautiul

I’m not sure where I found this, but it’s wonderful advice. It’s pretty much the approach I’ve always followed, and I look pretty good for my age!

• Drink pure water.
• Breathe good air deeply.
• Live in a clean house.
• Good skin comes from a clean body, so make sure to eat foods that purify the body.
• Eat a wide variety of simple foods.
• Sleep at least eight hours a night, and go to bed before 11pm.
• Enjoy nature.
• Stay tranquil and calm, by keeping a relaxed mind.
• By the age of 40, the mind is visible on the face. So improve your outlook and you will improve your face.
• Don’t sit around worrying.
• Control your desires: don’t always want what you can’t have. This unsatisfied-yearning makes a woman ugly.
• Don’t complain, don’t be envious, don’t be irritated. Your health will deteriorate and your skin will look terrible.
• Enjoy lovemaking. You will have glowing shiny skin and a relaxed face.
• Accept your age and the changes in your beauty. A beautiful old person is beautiful because their mind and spirit are wise and graceful.

Once you've been practicing the basic exercises for a while, you should feel a change in your pelvis, feeling more present and connected to your genital region. This is a good thing. 

Give your pelvic floor a squeeze now, notice how it connects you to your pelvic area. Breath into your belly and do some more squeezes, nice and relaxed.
 
 Let’s look at some advanced pleasures. 

Connect with your Pelvis.The first advanced pleasure is simply that - to connect with your pelvis. So many people are disconnected from their pelvises. Increasing the connection will help men last longer and men and women to have better orgasms.
 
Recharge Yourself. You can also use your pelvic floor to draw energy up your body, to recharge yourself. Visualise an energy centre in your pelvis. It could be a flame, a cloud of electricity, a pulsing gem, whatever comes to mind. Then as you squeeze and relax, keeping your breath low and calm, imagine that with the squeezes you are drawing energy up your body, either up your spine or up your middle.
 
 Please note that if you’re doing a lot of energy raising in this way, it’s important that you also lower and centre the energy at the end of your practice. All you need to do is put your hands on your belly and visualise the energy you’ve raised sinking back down.
 
Extend Sexual Pleasure. Do this when you’re masturbating, drawing up the energy when you’re highly aroused but before you orgasm. Notice how that can heighten the pleasure and hold off the orgasm. Then do it after you’ve come, and notice how it can extend the yummy orgasmic feelings and allow them to flow through your whole body, not just your genitals.
 
Share Energy with your Partner. Do this with your partner. Sit cross-legged facing each other, gazing into each other’s eyes and draw the energy up. Do it holding hands, do it with your left hand on your own chest and your right hand covering your partners left hand over their chest. Notice any feelings and sensations that arise within you and between you.
 
Massage the Penis with your Vagina. Do it with your partner when the penis is in the vagina, no thrusting. Ladies, give your partner’s penis a good cuddle with your vagina, stroke it with your muscles, give it a massage. This is one of the more fun ways to strengthen your pelvic floor. As your muscles become more toned, he’ll be able to feel a lot more from the vagina stroking.
 
Last Longer
. Guys, to last longer when you’re inside your partner’s lovely vagina, you need to be very present in your penis, very connected to your penis and through it to her. Switch off your brain and feel with your penis. Use your pelvic floor muscles to keep your focus there. And as described above, draw the sexual energy away from the end of your penis back into your body when you feel the excitement build too high.
 
 It’s a powerful thing, the pelvic floor. When combined with belly breathing, it really does: 

• Centre you 
• Connect upper and lower body
• Allow for energy flow within the body (and prevents energy ‘leaks’)
• Provide more blood flow and oxygen to the pelvis
• Improve sexual pleasure and orgasm

And because of all that it keeps you youthful and vital.
 
 So, squeeze away! 

Can you use your pelvic floor to draw up energy and recharge yourself?
 Can you have sustained orgasms?
 Men, can you use your muscles to help you last longer?
 If not, can I suggest you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles?

What are The Pelvic Floor Muscles?
 
 The pelvic floor is a band of muscle that goes from the pubic bone at the front to the tailbone at the back and to the bones of the upper thighs on either side. It’s a girdle of muscle that holds all the pelvic organs in place, with just a few holes for the various tubes to come through.
 
Benefits of Toned Muscles 
 
 Like any muscle, if it’s toned it’s stronger and more effective than if it’s not toned.
 
 Since having toned pelvic floor muscles means: 

• Heightened awareness of and connection to your pelvic region and genitals
• Better sexual response in terms of awareness of sensations
• More pleasure for your partner (she can massage him; he can last longer)
• Better orgasms with greater sensation and longer length
• Continued good sex as you get older
• Her vagina won’t fall out when you’re old (yes, vaginal prolapse can happen!)

there’s a lot to be said for toning those muscles!
 
How to Tone the Muscles 
 
 Locate the muscles by squeezing as though you are trying to stop urine flowing. Aim to isolate just that muscle area, so that your abdomen and buttocks stay relaxed. Keep your breathing calm and flowing.
 
 1) Squeeze and Relax Rhythmically: in for half a second, relax for half a second. Do this for as long as you can, at least half a minute, but you can do it for ever if you like!
 
 2) Squeeze, Hold and Relax: Squeeze the muscles, then hold them for as long as you can. A few seconds initially, then increasing up to 20 seconds or more. Make sure your abdomen and buttock muscles are relaxed as you do this. Keep breathing evenly.
 
 3) Squeeze in Stages: Squeeze your muscles, then squeeze a little tighter, then a little more, and a little more…then just touch a more…And release!
 
 It’s important that you don’t only focus on the squeezing in. You also need to relax out. So, finish with some gentle squeezes in and pushes out, just like a wave lapping on the shore, do about 20 or so.
 
 So practice those exercises every day whenever you think of it. Then when you’ve got the hang of it, read my next article for more advanced training and the awesome things you can do when you’ve got those muscles good and toned! 

A graduate of one of my Luscious Woman Workshops wrote to me and said that intellectually she understood the concept of self-validation, but wasn’t able to make it real until she attended my workshop.

She wrote:

“For me, self-validation has required putting into practice things you advocated in Luscious Woman:

• Getting out of my head and into my body - exercise, massage, masturbation and other self-pleasuring – because feeling loved helps in believing you are worthy of (your own and others’) love;
  
  
• Meditation and other contemplative/spiritual practices that are about being gentle, kind and non-judgmental;
  
  
• Using those kind, gentle non-judgmental techniques to re-train my inner harsh critic. This harsh critic is my well-meaning but badly trained best friend. She thinks she tells me what I need to know to protect myself, so if she says the worst things to me, before anyone else does, that somehow or another I'll have steeled myself for the worst from other people. Greeting that inner critic as a loved friend, not the enemy, thanking her for the fierceness and strength of her concern, has gone a long way for me in quieting her down.
  
  
• The other technique has been to acknowledge and allow the fear to pass through me rather than to block it and then bury it as part of my inner walls. So I still get a horrible sinking sensation or clutch at my heart sometimes if I catch a glimpse of myself (and my saggy stretch marked tummy) naked. Acknowledging that: "I am feeling fear that someone might find this tummy ugly and reject me - and that fear tells me I've still got work to do on loving and accepting myself - if I loved this tummy how would I treat it?" gives me a way past the horrible feeling and moves me towards the better place. (And that occurs less frequently too).”

Once you’ve navigated your partner’s vagina and got to know the G, A and Ohh Spots a little better let’s look at how you can stimulate all those good spots for maximum effect.

 Before you get anywhere near her genitals though, make sure your partner is well and truly aroused and wanting your fingers to enter. 

Remember, it’s about invitation not penetration! 

The G-Spot:

Insert a finger, run it along the corrugated ridge that’s her urethral sponge until you get to the end, hook your finger on the edge and pull back towards her vaginal opening. A tickling type of movement might be enough, or you may need to be quite firm. Try it with one finger initially and then try it with two, either pulling with both fingers together, or waggling your fingers so they alternate stroking that point. You can also try rubbing around or stroking across the spot. 

She may find the sensation unpleasant initially, with an urge to pee, in which case ask her to relax and have a sense of pushing out with her vaginal muscles. Build up to this though, try a few pulls then relax, a few more. Don’t expect her to love it in the first session, or even the first few sessions. It might even be that she’ll never like the G-Spot, but she might, so that’s no reason not to try. 

The A-Spot:

My personal favorite! Straighten your finger and push directly in and up (I like it a little to my left) on to the vaginal wall on the tummy side of the cervix. You can poke in quite firmly there. Try two fingers as well as one. Again, you can also rub or stroke the area, side to side or round and round, or you can waggle your fingers so they’re tickling gently or prodding quite firmly. Try it with your fingers together and slightly apart. 

Again, it may take some time for her to get used to the sensation, it can be pretty overwhelming and intense initially. Always err on the side of caution and start gently, building up in intensity. 

The Cervix:

On our way to stimulating the O-spot I have to mention stimulating the cervix. You need to go around the cervix to find the O-spot on the other side. So, while you’re there, go around and around the cervix a few times with one or two fingers and see how she likes that! 

The O-Spot:

Directly opposite the A-spot on the rear side of the vagina behind the cervix on the vaginal wall is the O-spot - or O-region really. There’s an open cul-de-sac type of space and you can stimulate the whole area with circular rubs, back and forth strokes, rhythmic pushes, and little waggling tickle-like movements. You can also do circular movements around and around between the back of the cervix (so you’re stroking the cervix itself) and the O-region of the vaginal wall. 

Multi-spot Stimulation:

Once you’ve got the hang of focusing on specific spots or areas, you can put it all together. By inserting two or three fingers simultaneously you can: 

1. Swirl your fingers around and around the vagina at different depths: 

• Firstly, just a knuckle-depth or so in, so you’re stimulating the urethral sponge (the corrugated ridge), with a bit of a tug on the G-spot as you go past the end.
• Then do the swirl deeper in so you’re going around the cervix, either with the pressure onto the cervix, or with the pressure onto the vaginal walls, and therefore onto the A and O areas, or alternating the direction of the pressure (continued pressure on the cervix can become too much).

2. Waggle your fingers: Do an alternate “come hither” tugging-type movement with two fingers from the A-spot to the G-spot along the front wall of her vagina. 

• Waggle your fingers alternately up and down at different depths and with your fingers different distances apart.
• Turn your hand to the side and waggle your fingers side to side across the vagina at different depths.
• Waggle your fingers together, apart or together, as though you’re “scratching” the walls of the vagina. Start with your hand facing towards her back, then start rotating your hand, moving in and out so you’re “scratching” up and down and all around her vagina.

 3. Swirl and waggle simultaneously. 

4. Add some rubs and strokes and prods or pulses with your fingertips as you swirl and waggle. 

Whew! 

Does all that sound a bit complicated? Then build up to it. Pay attention to where you’re touching and what you’re doing, and her reaction to it. Make sure you’re following her response. Every vagina is different, and every woman is different, and every woman and her vagina responds differently at different times. So, the Master of Manual Stimulation knows that he can’t assume a particular technique will always work. He has to be very attuned to the woman. 

The Master Stroke: Add the clitoris

Now, to be a true Master of Manual Stimulation, you need to add the other hand and stimulate her clitoris on the outside. With one hand on the inside working all those lovely vaginal spots, your other hand will be stimulating her clitoris. 

To build up to this level of skill, alternate internal and external, either with the same hand or alternate hands. You need to be competent with the individual hands to be able to bring the two together. 

 When you’ve got both hands going it really is like playing your partner like a musical instrument. And just as a Master Musician is completely at one with his instrument, so do you need to be at one with your partner. Then the “music” you create will be sublime. 

To learn more about mastering sex, enrol in my online sexual mastery course for men Black Belt in the Bedroom!

You might not be quite sure where it is, but you’ve probably heard of the G-spot. 

Are you aware that there are other “spots” in the vagina too?
 
 It’s good to know the geography of your own or your partner’s vagina - there are some good spots in there!
 
 The G-spot is the one that gets all the press these days, there are whole books written about it. To be honest though, it’s not the favourite part of my vagina. It’s good, but for me the O-spot is better, and the A-spot is best of all! 

So where are these spots?
 
 Ok, let’s start with some basic navigation of the vagina. Start with you or your partner lying on your back. Then insert your middle finger into the vagina. You’ll notice that on the tummy side of the vagina it feels like there is a corrugated ridge running from the entrance back into the vagina along the front wall. This is the urethral sponge, the engorging material that surrounds the urethra. As a woman becomes more aroused the urethral sponge engorges with blood and protrudes further into the vagina.
 
 From now on, unless you’re very flexible, I’ll give the instructions for the person who’s inserting their finger into someone else’s vagina. If you’re doing it on your own, you may be able to reach these spots if you’ve got a short vagina and/or long fingers. Otherwise use a dildo for your explorations.
 
The G-spot 
 
 Follow the ridge of urethral sponge back into your vagina to the point where it disappears and hook your finger onto the edge. This is the famous G-spot.
 The whole urethral sponge is sometimes confused with the G-spot, and while pressure on the whole ridge feels good, the actual “spot” is at the far end.
 So, with your finger hooked so the pad of the first knuckle faces back towards the vaginal opening, press and pull.
 
The A-spot (also called the AFE-spot) 
 
 Still with your finger hooked to touch the G-spot, straighten your finger and insert deeper into the vagina, angled in and up so as to touch the front wall of the vagina a little further in than the G-spot. It’s in front of the cervix in the soft tissue there. (The cervix is the knob-like protuberance with a dimple in the middle that you can feel at the end of vagina). It’s a very arousing spot, which you’ll find with focused prodding,
 
O-Spot 
 
 From the A-spot, turn your hand around so it’s facing down and move your finger around the cervix until you’re on the other side, with your fingertip touching the back side of the vagina. It’s opposite the A-spot. This area feels like an open cul-de-sac as this part of the vagina balloons open when a woman is aroused. Poke around there (in a sensual and loving way) and you may well find a good spot there as well.
 
 Every woman is different, so get to know your or your partner’s vagina well. Start by locating these three spots and you may find others as yet uncharted... I've found what I like to call the J-spot, just inside my vagina pressing down...Where are your favourite spots...?

I was asked recently to comment on the view that too many women in the West are too actively doing things to be able to attract a man, that “if you have a feminine core, your natural essence isn't to pursue, but to be pursued.” The implication in the question was that if you’re out there and active in the world, then you're not 'feminine'.

Completely wrong! There is no contradiction in being feminine and active in the world. That's the patriarchy dressed-up in New Age bullshit. Being in your feminine means to be soft on the outside and strong on the inside, allowing your inner feminine strength to radiate out. Women who are aligned like this are strong, and they do achieve in the world. They don’t necessarily achieve in an aggressive, win-at-all costs kind of way (although there is always a place for stridency), the approach may well be more organic, more “flowing” (as in fact it is for balanced men too).
 
 Importantly, a woman aligned with her feminine doesn’t need to “do” anything to catch a man, rather she allows him to prove himself. A woman who is truly in her feminine knows her value and worth, she’s no eager beaver desperate for any man to like her, or a conniving fox playing games to win over a man. Oh no, she knows who she is, she shows the world who she is, and the right men are attracted to her. Then she can be selective.
 
 Everyone benefits when women are whole and balanced - she feels better, achieves more in the world, has a more positive influence in the world, and attracts and nurtures real, whole men! 

One of the main reasons women don’t reach their orgasmic potential, and why men miss out on the pleasure of their woman reaching that level, is that they go too far too soon.
 
 A woman’s body opens in stages. If you rush the process, she won’t be able to get there. If you kiss her before she’s ready, she won’t like it. If you touch her breasts before she’s ready, she’ll be repulsed and feel like you’re groping her. If you get genital before she’s ready it will feel unpleasant, even painful, and if you enter her before she’s ready she’ll feel used/abused/bored/in pain/contemptuous, or any number of negative emotions far from the ecstatic pleasure that her man is hoping for.
 
 Women do not have an on/off button. The clitoris is not for turning a woman on, she must be aroused before you get genital with her. A woman needs to progress in stages.

Firstly, you need to have a good connection, be getting on well, with her feeling relaxed and enjoying her man’s company.
 
 Then you can kiss her, if her head and mouth are moving towards you.
 
 If the kiss is doing its work, her breasts will rise and move towards you. That’s the sign she wants her breasts caressed.
 
 If she’s enjoying the kissing and caressing (with the caressing extending to other non-genital parts of the body - shoulders, lower back, buttocks, thighs and more) then her pelvis will start moving and she’ll be ready for genital touch.
 
 If the genital touch is good, she’ll be getting aroused enough to want her man’s cock inside her. She’ll be aching for it. Her legs will be apart and hips pressing up. She’ll be wanting him to enter her warm, moist depths. Then, and only then, should the penis enter the vagina.
 
 Women as much as men rush the process, thinking that all the preliminaries are not needed, or there’s something wrong with her if she needs lots of lead up. There isn’t, it’s normal. And in fact, it’s all the warming up that’s the good bit! The intercourse is simply part of the wider range of pleasurable and ecstatic activities you can do and sensations you can feel.
 
 It’s fantastic for the man too. Men love warming their woman up, they love the sensual and connecting parts of sex. Every man I’ve ever spoken to (and I’ve spoken to countless men in intimate detail) has said that the best part of sex is getting his woman off, giving her pleasure. So, for both of you to have exquisite pleasure, make sure you pace it to match her arousal. It is so worth it.