The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#191: We Need Bliss

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, February 25, 2017


Being a sex geek, I am both trained as a scientist yet explore areas more likely to be considered mystical - particularly in the area of sexual pleasure. I myself have ecstatic experiences and blissful states that are quite different and far more pleasurable than what is considered 'normal sex', and I have spoken with many people who also have them, and have helped many others discover these possibilities too.

I am not exaggerating when I say that 'normal' sex is to this type of sex what a fast food hamburger is to gourmet cooking (keeping in mind that sometimes a hamburger is just fine, and you don’t have to like fine food).

So the geek in me asks ‘why?’ Why do some people experience this and not others? What's happening?

Historically it’s clear that we suppressed sexuality in the West, particularly female sexuality, so when sexual liberation came in the 1970s there was a lot we didn't know about sexuality and it's potential.

Scientifically I feel that scientific interest in sex has been so focused on reproduction and disease that there has been very little focus on sexual pleasure, let alone sexual bliss and ecstasy. It’s still mired in the values of the past where sex was considered something ‘base’ and therefore not worthy of study.

Socially I feel that because people don’t know what they don’t know, they’re not looking for it. Although I do believe that is shifting as people start to realise that there’s got to be more to sex than prudery or porn, and interest in Tantra, mindfulness and conscious relating increase.

So back to the ‘why’. I’ve written and spoken and lectured at length about the approach to sex that leads to these states. What’s going on in the body though?

I suspect it works at two levels:
  • In entering into this kind of sexual experience, biochemical reactions are initiated that release the chemicals that cause the good feelings. By staying in elevated states of arousal and avoiding the genital focused intensity of ‘standard’ orgasms, the biochemical state is not turned off, so the pleasure lasts.

  • Within the brain you’re using less of the detail-oriented, monkey chattering left side of the brain, and settling into more of a right-brain orientation. So that you feel, what the neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor describes as a oneness: “I am the life-force power of the universe. I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is,” - a sense of bliss. (View her wonderful video 'Stroke of Insight' on TED.)

I believe humans need this bliss. Without knowing how to achieve it naturally, too many people are driven to use drugs and alcohol to create artificial versions of this state, which leads to addiction, poor health and lowered quality of life. Achieving natural highs from bliss-inducing sex not only feels wonderful at the time, it also helps enormously with life, so you have more energy, think better, look better and feel better.

Others might think you’re looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses - but you know the world really is rose-coloured.


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