The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#170: Rough Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, August 12, 2016

We’re talking extreme yang sex play here. Really unleashing the wild side and letting your most animalistic side take over. Rutting like wild cats. Biting, slapping, grasping hard, choking, seizing and pulling hair…

Rough sex takes an athlete’s devotion to physicality. You need strength, stamina, toughness, resilience. You have to be tough, both in the giving and receiving. You have to be physically robust to take rough sex. This robustness doesn’t have to be size, but the ability to flow with the activity, and the ability to absorb the energy of the activity and lose yourself in the pleasure of the passion.

You need to let go, get out of your head. Thinking your way into rough sex is as ineffective as thinking your way into gentle blissed-out sex.

Now, of course, there have to be limits. There have to rules of engagement. This is ravishment, not rape. So the first rule is consensual play. It takes two and if one doesn’t want to, for whatever reason, then there is no play, at least not this kind of play. Simple. There are plenty of other gorgeous sexual activities to engage in.

You need to pace yourself. You need to make sure that the ravishee in particular is good and warmed up. They need to be in a really heightened state of arousal, love-drunk to the max. Then their body becomes more pliable, and in that pliability more resilient.

The ravisher needs to pay attention to the ravishee’s responses. If it’s a little too strong, pull back in the intensity; if you feel you could go harder, ramp it up a bit. The ravishee needs to be in touch to modify the intensity if it’s too little or too much, there’s a subtle interplay between the two lovers as they are both reading and feeding back.

They’re both being open, both being vulnerable, both being real. They are both feeling and sharing their love. Engaging the heart is what takes rough sex from mere athleticism to something sublime, an intense opening of heart and body that is more akin to the divine.

When done well, it’s cathartic, through the feeling and through the vocal release. Grunts, groans, yells, snarls, cries and shrieks. You feel it, you let it out, you feel it more… You let the rapturous union consume you…


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