The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#37: A Woman's Body Opens In Stages

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, August 15, 2011

One of the main reasons women don’t reach their orgasmic potential, and why men miss out on the pleasure of their woman reaching that level, is that they go too far too soon.

A woman’s body opens up in stages. If you rush the process, she won’t be able to get there. If you kiss her before she’s ready, she won’t like it. If you touch her breasts before she’s ready she’ll be repulsed and feel like you’re groping her. If you get genital before she’s ready it will feel unpleasant, even painful, and if you enter her before she’s ready she’ll feel used/abused/bored/in pain/contemptuous, or any number of negative emotions far from the ecstatic pleasure that her man is hoping for.

Women do not have an on/off button. The clitoris is not for turning a woman on, she has to be aroused before you get genital with her. A woman needs to progress in stages.

Firstly, you need to have a good connection, be getting on well, with her feeling relaxed and enjoying her man’s company.

Then you can kiss her, if her head and mouth are moving towards you.

If the kiss is doing its work, her breasts will rise and move towards you. That’s the sign she wants her breasts caressed.

If she’s enjoying the kissing and caressing (with the caressing extending to other non-genital parts of the body - shoulders, lower back, buttocks, thighs and more) then her pelvis will start moving and she’ll be ready for genital touch.

If the genital touch is good she’ll be getting aroused enough to want her man’s cock inside her. She’ll be aching for it. Her legs will be apart and hips pressing up. She’ll be wanting him to enter her warm, moist depths. Then, and only then, should the penis enter the vagina.

Women as much as men rush the process, thinking that all the preliminaries are not needed, or there’s something wrong with her if she needs lots of lead up. There isn’t, it’s normal. And in fact, it’s all the warming up that’s the good bit! The intercourse is simply part of the wider range of pleasurable and ecstatic activities you can do and sensations you can feel.

It’s fantastic for the man too. Men love warming their woman up, they love the sensual and connecting parts of sex. Every man I’ve ever spoken to (and I’ve spoken to countless men in intimate detail) has said that the best part of sex is getting his woman off, giving her pleasure. So, for both of you to have exquisite pleasure, make sure you pace it to match her arousal. It is so worth it.


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