The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#184: Third Level Love-Making

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, December 03, 2016


There’s a wise old saying about spiritual and personal growth:

First there is the mountain

Then there is no mountain

Then there is the mountain again.

What this means is that you have normality, then that disappears while you grow and experience its opposite, and then a new normality comes back again as you integrate the experiences of personal growth.

This ’new’ reality is never the same reality as the one you had before - it might look the same to a casual observer but your experience of it is quite different.

If we’re talking about sex and intimacy, and human sexual potential, then the process is the same as for spiritual growth.

At first we do standard sex, which generally means focusing on the physical, and ironically, it also means doing sex in our heads. You’ll have heard me describe this in various ways: the performance model of sex, the Three Course Meal approach to sex, the Male Adolescent Masturbatoryapproach  to sex.

This is Level One Sex, where you focus on the ‘peaks’ of sex, the ‘bigger-harder-faster’ approach. Level one sex is about technique, sexual excitation and explosive orgasms. This is the mountain you start with.

Then you realise that this type of sex is not entirely satisfying, there has to be more. So you start to explore a deeper approach to sex. You might find that you are attracted to Tantra, with its mindful approach to lovemaking. You find yourselves slowing down, taking time to connect and to build eroticism.

This is Level Two Sex, where you become aware of the ‘valleys’ of sex, where the sensual and subtle create feelings of ecstasy. This is where the mountain disappears, sex is not what it was.

Then the mountain reappears as you combine both the peaks and valleys of sex as well as the physicality of sex and its energetic and spiritual aspects. But the peaks are not the same peaks that you knew before you discovered the valleys. These are peaks of sexual intensity that come with great presence and connection. You swing between the peaks of sexual intensity and the valleys of sexual bliss, in a flow of lovemaking that has no plan or expectation.

This is Level Three Sex - and it is truly awesome.


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