The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#261: Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, July 28, 2019

So many people who come to me are wanting more from their sexuality, but are at a loss as to what that ‘more’ might be.

These people might already have done their own research or seen other professional helpers. They've made sure their genitals are functioning, have given themselves permission to try different sexual activities, learned the importance of consent – and yes, these are all important parts of a healthy sex life – yet something is still missing…

The answer to the ‘more’ in sex is not a doing more, it’s a being more.

It is about moving away from sex as an ‘act’ or a ‘performance’ and engaging with another with openness and transparency. Rather than ‘doing’ each other or ‘getting each other off’, it’s about both surrendering to the experience. When two people engage in this way you are allowing yourself to explore, express and be known at the deepest levels of your being.

Sex becomes
  • mindful, in that your mind is not distracted but is fully present;
  • bodyful, in that you are completely embodied, experiencing fully through the whole of your physicality; and it becomes
  • soulful, in that you discover the spiritual aspects of sexuality, opening to deeper love, pleasure and transcendence.
Our sexuality has this much potential to be life-affirming and life-enhancing.

Yet in a society that is only just starting to realise that sexuality has this potential, it is hard to find the knowledge and inspiration to explore this realm. Most clinical advice is on functioning genitals, popular pornified advice tends to the ‘bigger, harder, faster’ approach, even in the neo-Tantra world there are many well-meaning but misinformed teachers who approach sexual practices as ways to gain more sensation and ‘achieve’ more, rather than to expand one’s consciousness and self-awareness.

Discovering this side of yourself and your sexuality is liberating, bringing a sense of wholeness and a freedom in living. It’s a process of growing awareness and self-discovery, both of yourself and when done with your partner, of your beloved. As with any meaningful quest, it has its challenges and difficulties, yet always with growth and ultimately transcendence.

It is a journey that I love to guide people on, and encourage you to take. I’ve done much of the hard work for you in gathering the information needed and presenting it in a way that resonates with contemporary people. From my blogs and podcasts, online courses, therapy and coaching sessions and attending workshops and couples retreats, there is so much here to inform and inspire you.

Unite your sexuality and spirituality and transform your self and your life.



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