The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#322: Don't Ever Stop Kissing

- Sunday, June 27, 2021


So many of my clients don’t kiss. They might give each other pecks, but nothing more intimate or sensual than that.

Yet kissing is one of the best ways to become aroused!

Well, that’s part of the problem. So many people stay away from kissing for fear that it will inevitably have to lead to sex. But without the kissing you won’t feel like sex…

It comes back to the problem of taking a linear view of sex – step one must lead to step two which must lead to step three which must lead to step four, etc. So, if I’m not feeling like the later steps (ie getting genital) then I won’t go anywhere near those earlier steps.

The problem isn’t the kissing, the problem is the steps, or at least, thinking there are steps, and thinking that one must lead to the next. So, ditch the linear thinking, come back to the moment, and enjoy it for what it is.

A kiss, whether engaged in for a moment or for minutes, is connecting. Without the kissing you won’t get to sex (or at least, not enjoyable sex), and with the kissing there's no obligation to go to sex - it's just a kiss.

Use your kisses to maintain and strengthen your connection, that erotic, potent frequency I encourage you to cultivate:
  • If you’re having a quick peck hello or goodbye, really feel it. Let your lips transmit your love so that that moment is rich with feeling;
  • If you have a few seconds to spare, let yourselves enjoy an extended kiss. Let your lips convey more feeling, allow something enticing and erotic in the connection;
  • At times really make-out, like teenagers, like you would have done at the start of the relationship. But don’t necessarily then race off to the bedroom, even if you are already in the bedroom making out, just enjoy that experience for its own sake. Feel how delicious a good kiss is, without racing on to the ‘next’ step.
The more you incorporate these different kinds of kissing into your life, the more you will ‘simmer’ and the easier it will be to transition into some genital love-making when the time feels right.

Now, if you are out of the habit of kissing, focus on the first two types of kissing listed above. Put a little more feeling into your pecks, and practice the “six-second kiss”.

The six-second kiss doesn’t have to be exactly six seconds long, but it is more extended than a peck, and not so intense as making out. The six-second kiss gives you enough time to explore each other’s lips, slowly, sensuously, enough to create shivers of pleasure. I suggest you start doing this before you go to sleep. You can lie in bed facing each other, looking into each other’s eyes, then bring your lips together for the kiss. When the six seconds have passed, draw your faces apart and enjoy the delicious feeling between you and inside you. That’s all!

Kiss like this and see how your connection grows.



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