I love Tantra and I love elements of kink. The two combined are what I call Sensual Kink, and I don't think it gets much better than that. So with the current interest in kink that's been generated by the overwhelming popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, I thought I might share my thoughts.

To me, Tantra and Kink are at one of the end spectrum; and the alcohol-fueled model of sex, along with porn and raunch culture, are at the other. The former are about depth and connection, resulting in ecstatic states and altered consciousness; and the latter is about superficiality and performance-style sexuality that has little if any positive outcome from what I can see.

I know my kinky side has been there since I was a five-year old getting turned on by a cartoon of Donald Duck pegging his nephews by their tails to a rotating clothes-line and spanking their bottoms as it turned. I didn’t even know what that feeling was, but it’s etched into my memory. You could also claim that my years of training in the martial art, Aikido, spending hour upon hour being belted into the floor and feeling elated from it, was a form of sadomasochism. But I didn’t truly discover my kinky side until I first explored Tantra.

Many people would assume that Tantra is all about goodness and light and spirituality, and Kink is dark and evil, so the two would be opposites. That’s not my experience. Through Tantra I discovered the ability to go places sexually, without even genital touch, just with sexual energy, in the presence of a highly-energetically developed person, and open myself up to extraordinary experiences. It was great.

Then I heard that people had similar experiences in Kink - that they could be tied up, for instance, and go into orgasm or blissful states without genital touch. That caught my fancy, so I started to investigate. Well! What I discovered was that the energetic presence between two people engaged in many Kink activities is the same energy as that between Tantric practitioners - and you get to dress up in outrageous clothes as you do it!

So I said to the universe: “Queen of Tantra would like to meet King of Kink, to explore the realm where Tantra and Kink meet.” Now, when you’re clear about what you want, the universe delivers. And it did. I had an amazing next twelve months, where I took my explorations into the outer reaches of human sexual potential even further.

I’m sure I could have got lost in those wonderful places, but my calling is here on earth, helping others move closer to their own sexual potential. So that relationship ended and since then I’ve been with my current wonderful partner who shares my own love of Tantra and Kink and mutually exploring all the exquisite possibilities of sexuality and sensuality. 

The work I do with people applies to any form of sexuality - as long as it’s real and connected. I am simply not interested in the superficial approach to sexuality that abounds in this society. In fact I spend a lot of my time helping people get over the negative impacts of that approach. 

Fortunately there are enough of you out there realising that there’s more to life than being either a would-be porn star or a prude (I say you, because you wouldn’t be reading my work if you didn’t feel at least an inkling of this). To you I say: develop your ability to connect; heighten your sensuality; follow your instinct; and explore wherever your sexuality leads you. 

Kinky, spiritual, lustful, intense or subtle - it’s all good - as long as it’s real.