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#238: Are You Flat-lining or Surfing in Life?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, August 12, 2018

You can live life to the full or you can sink into dreary monotony. You can mature with vibrancy or you can grow old and tired. You can have a relationship that continues to explore and grow or you can have one of complacency and dullness. You can see your parenting role as one of keeping under control or as growth and delight (for you and your children).

It’s a choice. There is nothing ‘inevitable’ about how life turns out. The only thing inevitable is that life mirrors your attitude and beliefs. If you believe life, relationships, anything is all downhill after the early flush, it will be. If you believe life can continue to open up and bring new and interesting experiences, it will.

So many people succumb to flat-lining, limiting themselves. Accepting the status quo means you don’t have to take risks. Low expectations mean you can’t be hurt.

Flat-lining is safe, if dull. Flat-liners live safe, dull lives and their sex, if any, is flat and dull. Sex mirrors life.

Flat-liners sit on the beach and watch other people surfing the waves. They might do it timidly, wishing they were brave enough to pick up a board and go out there too. They might watch contemptuously because even though they’re not experiencing the highs, they’re not risking making fools of themselves. They might watch critically, criticising those surfing, without ever taking on the challenge of doing it themselves. And no doubt some people sit on the beach and have no interest in surfing for themselves, they’re happy on the beach and happy for others to surf.

The last category is fine, because they’re accepting of themselves and the surfers. The others though, they need to either shut up, man up or pick up the board and surf too.

For those that are out there surfing, some are riding the big waves, some are still on the little waves. Everyone has a level where they feel comfortable and confident. If you go to the big waves too soon, it won’t be fun it will be terrifying. Conversely, f you don’t push yourself when you’ve got proficient at a level, you could get bored.

Some surfers will hit a level that feels just right, with no desire to seek bigger waves. That’s fine. Those who do surf the bigger waves know that the ride is greater, but potentially the dumps are also greater. To ride the big waves you have to be willing to take the big dumps.

It’s the same with life, with relationships and with sex. You can play it super safe and super dull or you can strive for more and continuously push yourself, at a rate that suits you.

When you let go, allow yourself to be vulnerable, take the risk and surf the waves of life, you’ll confront great difficulties and reap great rewards, and part of that will be surfing the waves together, including the potentially awesome waves of sex, love and intimacy.


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