The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#90: Some Words for the Lower Desire Partner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, January 27, 2014

Whether you feel bad about it or good about it, if you’re the lower desire partner (LDP) you have a major impact on how often and how well the two of you have sex. I get at least as many heterosexual couples where the man has the lower level of desire as the woman, so it’s not just “a problem that women have” and in same-sex couples there's always a difference too.

So guys, let’s start with you. If you’re not feeling it, there are some main reasons:

  • It’s easier to just masturbate in front of porn. True, but the experience is not the same. Saying “Yes!” to sex with your partner is saying “Yes!” to love and connection and intimacy and a very happy partner!

  • If she’s too overbearing, always complaining about the lack of sex. Well, she’s got a point! She’s crying out for intimate connection, so focus on doing good stuff together so that you actually want to be with her.

  • Even if she has a higher desire, she never initiates so why should you? The more you show your desire, the more likely she’ll initiate more.

  • If you don’t feel good about yourself, don’t take it out on your partner. Get fit, change jobs, give up smoking, take responsibility for your life, and start ravishing her!

Now for the ladies. Why should you say “Yes!” to sex?

  • It feels good! 

  • Your partner will feel closer to you. Men love to connect sexually with their partner.

  • You’ll become more in tune with each other, so he’ll get better at asking at the right times, and he’ll get better at doing what you need to get to “Yes!”

  • Good regular sex makes you look and feel younger, more vibrant, more vital and sexier. It’s a positive feedback loop.

So to LDPs of both sexes I say:

If sex is just too boring to be bothered you need to make some changes. Sex is most definitely not meant to be boring!

We haven’t been blessed with enormous brains as well as bodies riddled with pleasure receptors in order to have boring sex!

Sex is meant to be creative and playful and pleasurable and ever-changing and satisfying.

Make it so!


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