The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#25: Sex as Entree not Dessert

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, January 17, 2011

We tend to get into habits with sex, and one habit that is so widespread is having sex last thing at night.

Why is that? It’s the time when most people are the most tired and the least likely to want or to enjoy sex!

One thing I encourage people to do is to think outside the square in all aspects of sex, and one of those is in the timing.

Sex doesn’t have to be the last thing you do at night; it doesn’t even have to be in the evening. Having sex before dinner can be great! Think of it as entrée, rather than the traditional dessert.

Of course that doesn’t suit everyone’s routines, but you might be surprised at how flexible your timing can be. I remember when my third child was a baby and for a while there I was just waaaaaaaaaay too tired to manage sex in the evenings. I’ve never been a morning person anyway, unless it’s a long lazy Sunday lie-in. So my then husband and I decided that the only way we were going to have sex was if he came home for “lunch” on Tuesdays. That worked really well and got us through a pretty exhausting phase of our lives.

Quite a number of my clients find that changing the time they have sex makes a big difference. For those without kids in the house, the sex before dinner concept is very possible and very desirable. For those who can’t manage it that early, at least doing it as early as possible, generally in place of the TV veg-out session. Think about what you’re doing! Watching three hours of gruesome cop shows is generally not a good warm-up for sex! You can always get up and do other things after you make love. You don’t have to go to sleep after sex. You certainly don’t both have to go to sleep after sex, the tired one can drift off and the other can get up and do stuff.

There are no set rules around sex, particularly the timing. Have a good talk with your partner and figure out when the best times are for both of you.

Sex doesn’t have to be the after dinner “dessert”. Too often it’s so late and so unappealing it becomes a habitual late night snack that doesn’t satisfy anyone particularly, if you can even be bothered. So try it for entrée. Try it for lunch. Try it for a morning pick-me-up. Try it for a lazy Sunday breakfast in bed while the kids are conveniently watching cartoons!

There are no rules!


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