The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#185: The Yin and Yang of Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, January 07, 2017

Feminine and masculine; dominant and submissive; active and receptive; spiritual and physical; hard and soft; intense and subtle; light and dark; slow and fast; quick and prolonged; peaks and valleys….

These are all elements of Yin and Yang, the coming together of equal, complementary opposites to make a united whole. They are also all elements of sexual potential.

The ancient Taoists of China understood this,  the sexual understandings and practices that have come from that period of time are about balance and equality which lead to ecstatic sexual experiences that are health-and life-enhancing.

The Tantrics of India had similar practices, which also seek to create balance and harmony. 

The West though, for the past few thousand years, has been dominated by masculine yang elements, which has led to a dysfunctionally dominant masculine and a dysfunctionally submissive feminine. This applied to the whole of society as much as to sex.

As I’ve explained before, with the social changes of the 1970’s, we got more apparent equality between the sexes, but we haven’t really strengthened the yin, the ‘feminine’ aspect, in society, and therefore in our sexuality. The whole approach to sex was, and is becoming, more and more yang - harder, faster, louder. Just look at porn these days to see how yang it is. (When was the last time you saw a couple locked in extended ecstatic embrace on a porn site...?)

Yang is good; but not without the balance of yin. A sexuality that is based solely on the yang elements will get boring over time, requiring more and more intensity for satisfaction. Balance it with yin elements, and you can have wonderful sex forever.

The key is equality between the Yin and the Yang: there is no need for judgement about what is right or wrong when there is equality. Male equal to female; receptive equal to active; following equal to leading. So when two people come together in sexual intimacy, they come together as complementary equals, able to play with the polarities of yin and yang.

To meet your partner as complementary equals requires that you are balanced within, that you each have a balance of yin and yang qualities within you: hard and soft, tender and firm, vulnerable and protective. It’s not that men are yang and women are yin, that is completely out of balance!

The more balanced you are as individuals, the more freely you can play with polarities between you, experiencing peaks and valleys, intense and subtle, active and receptive, leading and following. And from that you can be endlessly creative....


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