The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#19: Not-So-Secret Men's Business

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, October 04, 2010

I am bravely, perhaps fool-hardedly, but definitely doggedly running a Black Belt in the Bedroom seminar on Monday evening.

Why do I say doggedly? Because men are so bloody hard to get to a workshop on sex!

I just got an email from a participant (who’s coming back for the second time) about trying to persuade his mates to attend. He started it by saying: “So Jacqueline, I now have a new-found respect for what it is you do,” because they all said to him: “I’m already a black belt in the bedroom” (although he has persuaded four of them to come along).

The fact is guys, you’re not black belts in the bedroom. Even if you are pretty amazing in the sack, there’s always more to learn. I’ve taught Tantric masters stuff they didn’t know, so believe me, there’s always more.

It is a bit of a male thing not to ask for help (or directions!), but if it’s important enough to you, you will. It’s actually a sign of a master of any skill or sport or art: they keep learning, practicing, experimenting, researching. It’s the same with sex.

In case you need more convincing, I’ve devised this little quiz for you. If you can answer ‘yes’ to every single questions, then you’re a black belt. If not, come along on Monday…

  1. Can you make love to the same woman a thousand times and find it ever more wonderful?
  2. Can you ejaculate when you choose to?
  3. Can you come too soon and not be fazed about it?
  4. Can you have awesome sex without orgasm?
  5. Can you absorb the energy from a beautiful woman without feeling you want to have sex with her?
  6. Can you feel the sexual power of all women?
  7. Do you know that sex is about pleasure not orgasm?
  8. Do you realise that porn is what looks good not what feels good?
  9. Can you luxuriate in the valleys of sex as well as revel in the peaks?
  10. Can you be so present with your partner that you can bring her to a state of orgasm? Can you do this without genital stimulation? Can you do this without touching her?
  11. Do you know that foreplay never ends?
  12. Do you know that the true master of sex never stops learning?

So how did you go? Will I see you on Monday…?

You can also do my online course for men:


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