The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#97: Plugging In - Sex Without Movement

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Have you ever tried having sex without any intention to orgasm? Without even moving?

Try it, in fact try it regularly – just lie together, penis inside vagina, and do nothing.

That’s it.

Not much to it really.

For genitals more used to intensity and vigour, you might not feel much at first as you’ve trained yourself to need intensity to feel sensation. Yet over time you will start to wake your genitals up. The vagina and the penis will start to feel again. They’ll start to feel subtlety, and from there comes exquisiteness of sensation.

It’s lovely to do this in spoon position, lying on your sides with her back to his front. He embraces her body with his body on the outside, and she embraces his penis with her vagina on the inside. Or you can do it lying facing each other, gazing softly into each others eyes as you do so.

You can both squeeze your pelvic floor muscles now and again to keep the erection, but move as little as possible. Not that you even need an erection for this, soft entry can be just as lovely.

Align your breathing as you lie there together, and you’ll find it even more interesting. Do that for just a minute or up to 15 minutes or more, to see how it feels.

You can fall asleep together plugging in.

You can wake up and have a simple plug in.

At other times you might use a plug in as a way to connect before moving into more vigorous intercourse.

It can also be a lovely interlude during intercourse, where you stop, still connected genitally and simply enjoy the sensation without movement.

In this way you’ll learn to appreciate the quiet, soft, valleys of sex. This is so different to what we usually think of as good sex that it might seem really odd at first, but do it regularly and you’ll find it changes the way you make love ever after.


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