The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#162 Backdoor Pleasures - how to enjoy anal sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, June 03, 2016

The poor anus, it can get left out. The whole body is responsive to touch and pleasure, and the anal area more so than most, yet it has a reputation for being ‘dirty’ and for anal play to be somewhat ‘sordid’. But think of deep connection, waves of pleasure, ecstatic thrills throughout your body.

…that sounds beautiful and desirable, but does it sound anal? Not if your idea of anal sex is something that’s dirty or sordid. Yet it’s perfectly possible to include ‘backdoor’ pleasures within a sensual, connected approach to sex.

The whole pelvic region area is so full of good bits - masses of nerve endings, engorging material - that with the right approach almost any stimulation in the area can feel good, including anal.

Stress the phrase: “with the right approach”.

For a start, if you’re not interested, you’re not interested, and if your partner is not interested, that’s fine, there’s no reason why anyone should like anal play if it’s not their thing. It would be like trying to force someone to like Brussels sprouts. Although having said that, it’s possible they don’t like Brussels sprouts because of the way they are cooked. Brussels sprouts that have been boiled to death are horrible. If they’re lightly steamed then sautéed with some garlic and bacon, well, that’s a whole other story…

So just because you think you’re not interested in anal play, it could be because you’ve never tried it lightly steamed then sautéed, so to speak. That is, it could be your approach.

Anal play can only be enjoyably indulged in when you are very aroused. It has to be something that you really want to do. Forced anal sex, and by that I mean forcing yourself when you’re not ready, is never going to be good. That will make you feel dirty and sordid. Do it when you are highly aroused, feeling deeply connected, and approach it with sensuality and desire, however…then that’s a whole different story.

So, make sure there’s plenty of yummy activity before you even consider it. Then gradually introduce some light touching on the outside; increasing to some gentle probing, and only if the person really wants it would you go deeper inside. Keep in mind this could take months or years to get to this point, if ever. If you just like some light external stimulation, that’s great, that’s all you ever need do.

If you do feel like internal stimulation though, then go for it. There are two rules. One is that anything that goes inside an anus must not then go inside a vagina, as you’ll transfer germs. So either put a condom over the finger, toy or penis that is going into the anus and remove it before inserting into a vagina, or keep some wet-wipes handy and give it a good clean (soap and water is best).

Second must-obey rule, is that if you’re using a toy, make sure it has a handle so there’s no way it can get lost inside. An embarrassing trip to casualty to retrieve the missing object would not be pleasant…

To get used to having something inserted in your back end, start small, and go gradually. As the item is going in, relax and push out gently with your anal muscles, then pull in. Feel like you’re drawing the item in, rather than it being forced in. It’s always tricky until you get through the sphincter muscle, then it’s usually easier. If you’re the one doing the inserting, avoid going too intensely once you’re in. If you want the delicious ecstatic type feelings then you need to keep the stimulation to a minimum.

(You can of course engage in harder, ‘dirtier’ anal play if that’s what turns you on, my point is that it doesn’t have to be done that way.)

Plenty of people, male and female, enjoy anal play. It can be great combined with other oral or manual stimulation or when playing when toys. It certainly doesn’t have to be with a penis, or with something penis-sized - unless you like that! There’s no end goal, bigger is not better, it’s just whatever gives you pleasure.

So don’t leave your poor anus out of your sexual play! It might like to play too. And you might find all sorts of new and wonderful experiences and sensations opening up if you do!


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