It seems to me that too much porn is making men less masculine and it’s making women less feminine*.

To have the ecstatic sexual experiences all women are capable of requires a woman to be soft, receptive, yielding. She has to feel safe enough to be completely vulnerable and thereby open herself up utterly.

Is that what we see in porn? Uh … no.

Now don’t get me wrong, when I describe a highly sexual woman in this way, I don’t mean the only sex she likes is incredibly soft. It can also be wild and wanton and absolutely full of abandon.

In fact, when a woman gets to her ultimate sexually, she becomes wild and free and completely unconstrained. That can lead to frenzied, passionate, delirious responses or it can lead to utter stillness with ecstatic sensations infusing the body with delectable pleasure, or anywhere in between. The thing is that it’s a true and real expression of a woman who feels confident enough in herself and in her partner to be able to go there.

Porn can be confusing, because the female actors are often portraying a female response that is very wild, and this is incredibly appealing to men as they innately want to take their partner there, they want to give her extreme pleasure as that will give them extreme pleasure.

The trouble is that in porn the route to get her there is not mapped out. It appears to be immediate, and it appears that the woman can get there by focusing all the attention on the man.

A woman can’t get there that quickly. Not if she’s being real. She can act it, and plenty of women do. And if she has to be the one in control, doing all the doing, then she’s not going to get there either as she won’t be able to let go enough.

A common client type I see is women who’ve been doing the “porn star” act for so long they are now turned off sex and often find it shameful and abhorrent.

Other women have shut themselves off because they don’t want to go the “porn star” act route and see no other option than to be the prude.

In both cases the women have hardened themselves to sexuality. This is not feminine and will prevent her from feeling the pleasure she’s capable of.

Just as excess porn prevents a man developing in his masculinity and growing into his potential as a great male lover, so it prevents a woman from developing her womanliness and blossoming into a sumptuous female lover.


*Note: when I say ‘feminine’ I don’t mean any particular stereotypical view of ‘feminine’, I really just mean ‘in the fullness of her being as a woman, whatever that is for her’. I actually don’t like the word ‘feminine’, or ‘masculine’ for that matter, as they are too loaded these days.