The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#24: Fire and Water: The Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, December 27, 2010

The masculine sexual energy is like fire: it comes on quickly, burns brightly and extinguishes quickly.

The feminine sexual energy is like water: it’s slow to heat up, but once it’s boiling it will boil and boil and boil and boil…

So if we divide sex into two phases, desire and response, then the masculine has more energy in the desire phase and the feminine has more energy in the response phase.

 This is why men generally tend to have a stronger libido, and why women have a greater range and intensity of arousal and orgasmic response.

Ideally in the sexual act, the man will use his fire energy to heat up the woman’s water energy. She’ll reach heights of arousal and ecstasy that will make him feel absolutely fantastic because he’s the one who got her there. He’ll probably have an orgasm too, but his satisfaction is ultimately in the pleasure he’s given her. The release of all her sexual energy satisfies and nourishes him completely. In this way the sexual circuit is complete and sex is a wonderfully fulfilling, healing, liberating and bonding experience for both of them.

We do have both masculine and feminine energies within us and a well-rounded person will have a reasonably good balance within them. There are also some people whose energy is more the opposite than their own gender. But for most people men tend to have a fire-like sexual energy and women tend to have a water-like sexual energy.

This is why men’s libido can suddenly arise out of nowhere. He can get an erection with very little or no stimulation, he just feels horny. This is the fire energy that simply ‘switches on’. Given that a man’s body is more testosterone driven, this makes sense.

Whereas it’s pretty rare for a woman to suddenly feel horny out of the blue. Women don’t go “oh gosh, I’m lubricating, I must want sex.” Rather, a woman’s desire is contextual, it depends on how she’s feeling, how she’s getting on with her partner if she has one, what kind of environment she’s in. All these factors will affect the temperature of her water energy.

As I wrote recently, when a woman has a high libido, it’s not because she has a masculine fire energy, it’s because she keeps her water energy simmering. She lives in a way that makes her feel good about herself, she avoids getting too tired, and together with her partner they actively work on keeping their connection strong and making the time and place for sex. This is what keeps a women’s water energy warm. The warmer her water energy is on a day to day basis, the more open and receptive to sex she is. The colder her water energy is, the more effort is required to heat it, and some women have sexual energy that is frozen hard, tundra even!

It does work both ways. There are plenty of men who find that their fire energy isn’t igniting, and there are many reasons for this, which I will write about in another post.

When two people come together as lovers, whether it’s for a brief encounter or a lifetime, when her water energy is good and warm and his fire energy is switching on efficiently, then there’s a meeting between them. His desire is neither too needy nor too apathetic and her interest is neither too conditional nor too stifling. Rather, there’s an easy balance and fluidity between his desire and her openness to meet him, which takes them both to wonderful places.


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