The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#32: Men Need a Muse Not Just A Vagina

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, May 23, 2011

I know men intimately. It’s one of the blessings of my work. Hundreds of men have opened themselves up to me, baring their souls, telling me how they feel at the most basic, the most sensitive and the most intimate levels of their being.

One thing I have come to realise - men need a muse.

To a man, his beloved is so much more than just someone to have sex with. She is his inspiration, his reason for being, she is what gives him meaning and drive in life. When a man connects deeply with his woman, when he makes beautiful love with her, he feels all-powerful, as though he could conquer the world - and he does!

Unfortunately, because we’ve had a back-to-front view of sexuality in western society for so long (millennia), society as a whole doesn’t realise this. Men aren’t going to say anything because they’ve been brought up to suppress themselves and their emotions. They’re also dealing with a male stereotype that doesn’t match them, so they often feel wrong.

Worse still, women don’t get it. They’ve bought into the myth that men are these sex-driven creatures who just want to ‘get their end in’. It’s so not the case. Men need to connect with their woman. They don’t want obligation sex. I get plenty of men coming to see me who are having sex with their partner, but they’re not happy because she’s not into it. Yet she thinks she’s doing the right thing because that is what she thinks he wants.

It then gets complicated because when a man isn’t getting the deep sexual connection he craves with his woman, he often becomes even more needy of sex, which turns her off even more. At this point he does become the stereotype of the sex-obsessed male.

Or another very common scenario - he’s given up. Often a man has had so little sex with his partner, or only obligation sex for so long, for whatever reason, that he stops trying. He loses his libido and becomes completely emasculated. If he’s lucky, he’ll find passion in some other part of his life, his work usually, but it’s not the same.

There’s no blame here, to either sex. It’s simply a result of centuries of sexual repression, which has led to a society that is completely sexually dysfunctional.

Women are much more resilient than men in so many areas of life, including sex. Women get their meaning and satisfaction through a broader range of life interests - children, friends, home, hobbies, work, as well as through their partner. Their life energy is shared in a more rounded way. For a man, the woman is central. With a strong partner to inspire him, he can be all he can be.

And when a man is fully into his masculinity, fully into adoring and loving his muse, his woman, wow, how wonderful is that for her, how fully does he support her and enable her to be all she can be!

Again, it’s all about complementarity - different but equal and complementary.

When a woman allows her man to love and adore her, worship her as his muse and inspiration - they both go places physically, emotionally, spiritually. They go far beyond the mundane limitations where most people, mired in the myths of society are stuck. Together they become free.


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